"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

September 26, 2011

2 Weeks

Today marks 2 weeks since I've been in the hospital.  I almost got to go home today...but I started having contractions again on Saturday night and Sunday, so that ruined my chances.....it's ok, I'd rather be here anyway because of all the help that's around if anything were to happen.  And besides that, honestly I think my nerves are comforted and calmed a lot just being here because I know there is so much help around....when I'm at home, I'm a nervous wreck thinking and wondering if everything is ok.  At least here, I get to see and hear her every single day.  That helps.  It also helps that Ova's job gave him time off to be here with me so I'm not alone....and Tea brings my kids here every single day to hang out with me.  I really don't mind being here.  I know that probably sounds crazy, but that's honestly how I feel. 

Two more weeks means my precious baby made it past the 24 week mark and we actually even passed week 25.  Today we are 25w2d.....every single week and even day that passes and she stays inside is a blessing and a better chance for her to survive and strive when she's born.  I came across this table that shows the likeliness of survival for a baby....

Completed weeks of gestation at birth                        Survival
21 weeks and less                                                                         0%
22 weeks                                                                                <<1%
23 weeks                                                                                5-25%
24 weeks                                                                               40-60%
25 weeks                                                                               50-80%
26 weeks                                                                               80-90%
27 weeks                                                                                 >90%
30 weeks                                                                                 >95%
34 weeks                                                                                 >98%

Can you believe how much of an increased chance of survival a baby has with just a few additional weeks in the womb?  When I came in I was 23 weeks....only 5-25% chance of survival.....now that I'm 25 weeks.....it jumps all the way to a 50-80% chance......if my baby can just hold on for 3 more weeks, she'll have more than a 90% chance.........but of course, the hope is that she'll hang on until 34 weeks.  I don't think I'll make it that far, but every additional week that passes is a blessing, an answer to ours and so many other people's prayers, and I'm extremely grateful!

I haven't blogged for the past couple days.....don't really have a good excuse as to why....I just haven't!  Not much has changed since the past few blog posts.....I'm still hanging in there and so is my baby.  The past couple days have been great because our family of 5 has been here all day every day!  Tea has been dropping off our kids at like 10 in the morning and they've been hanging out with us all day until Tea picks them up at about 10 at night.  We've been keeping ourselves busy and entertained with movies, puzzles, games.....watching the kids dance around.  Really the time has gone by pretty fast, and for that I'm super grateful!  We went for my wheelchair ride, Makai wanted to push me.....he's a crazy driver and is not going to push me again.....hahaha but we took a family trip down to the cafeteria to eat dinner.  I've had a lot of visitors, which I loved.  I really do see and feel the love from so many people...both family and friends....and I am so blessed and grateful!

The hospital staff here is wonderful....every single nurse and doctor has been more than nice and accomodating to me.  They have a massage therapist that comes around to patients that have to stay in the hospital for a while....she comes in on Thursdays to give me a full body massage!  I'm not a big massage person at all....and usually they make me more tense than relaxed, but that massage was so nice!  She seriously put me to sleep, I was so relaxed.  The nutrition specialist came in and talked about my menu....she said since I'm going to be here for a while I can order anything I want from the cafeteria if I don't feel like eating the regular hospital food.  She even brings me a milkshake every once in a while...for a snack....and she'll sneek a plate of food for Ova too.  She's so sweet!  The hospital food is actually not that bad, they've improved a lot, and the fact that I get to pick whatever I want to eat is so nice.  They brought me a big bag of things to keep me busy, like a manicure set, crossword puzzles....just a bunch of stuff like that to keep me busy.  They brought in a cart that had tons of books and magazines on it...puzzles, crochet needles and yarn, games.....just a bunch of things and activities to keep me busy.  Needless to say, everyone here is extremely nice and I feel like they all go out of their way to make me feel comfortable.

This past two weeks has been A LOT of quality time for me and Ova.  We've had a lot of converstations, watched lots of movies, watched a lot of football games on tv.....it just makes me even more grateful for him.  I keep telling him to go and take a break, to get out of the hospital but he doesn't want to leave me.  Even if he runs home for something, he's sure to come back quick to make sure I'm not alone.  I'm so grateful for him.  I'm a very clingy wife and he lets me be.  When I'm starting to get emotional, he comes over and gives me a kiss and makes me feel so much better.  I love him so much more everyday! 

September 21, 2011

Family Time

Tuesday September 20th was a full day of family fun, well as much fun as you can have with 5 people crammed in a small hospital room, but I loved it!  Ova went in the morning to pick up our kids....took them out to lunch and then they came and spent the whole day with me.  I love my little family!

First thing me and Lautala did was fix our hair and paint our nails....I could only paint her toes because she kept touching the polish I put on her fingernails....once the paint was smeared all over her hands and mine, I decided to just stick with her toes....then I had more control of grabbing them before she did....hahaha she's so funny!

Ova brought all our movies and the laptop, and the boys sat for hours just watching movies and singing along to all the kids movies...

The Dr came in and mentioned that since I'm gonna be here for a while, I should bring things from home to decorate the room and make me feel at home.  Ova took that to heart....he's so sweet!  He went home and brought a bunch of pictures of our little family.....he bought me a new Utah fleece blanket, and he even dedicated a wall to the Utes by cutting out the entire article of the rivalry game where the stomped on the Cougs.....hahaha can you tell we're Utah fans!!  :)  I love my room now and especially the creative way he put all the pictures up....right in front of my bed so I can look at them all the time!!  :)

(Lautala right in front of the rivalry game wall....hahaha)

He even put the pictures on the door in the shape of a U!  :)

We didn't do anything special....just sit here and enjoy each other's company....we sang and watched the kids dance....we yelled at them when they would fight.  Lautala is so fie'lahi, she thinks she's the boss.  She kept yelling at the boys to STOP when they would fight and anytime somthing would go differently than she wanted it to, she would say "OH.MY.GOODNESS"  She got that phrase from Spawnbreezie's song, and it's like her favorite thing to say now...attitude and all.  We kept laughing everytime she would see something fall of the floor or when Makai or Mone wouldn't do what she wanted....she's way to smart for her age....hahaha!

Caught this fat kid stealing my hospital food
And whatever he didn't finish....this fat kid killed....hahaha

Later on we all ate ice cream, yum!

Talia and David stopped by to visit....they had just heard that I was in here and came straight over.  They brought us a bunch of goodies and candies.....they are so nice!  We just visited for a little while, talked about everything that was going on and everything that was happeneing.  Talia's pregnant too and we found out she's having a girl!  Yay for girls!  Love them and was grateful they stopped by to check in on us!

Lautala and I took a nap together on my bed and before we knew it the entire day was gone.  Tea came around 10pm to pick them up and take them home because Mone had school the next morning.  Makai is off track right now....so it's been nice for Tea to have him at home helping out.  He has to go back to school next Monday though....bummer!  It was a fun day yesterday, I love my little family so much!  Now we're just waiting for Mone to get out of school so Tea can bring them to do it all over again.....spending time with them helps make the time pass by so much easier!

My vitals and stats were good today.  The AFI was 8.8.  Baby looked great on the monitor...her heart was nice and strong and they're seeing all the things they want to see.  I'm grateful for that!  I'm grateful for Dr's....the knowledge they have to put people like me's mind at ease.  I don't ever want to experience what I did that Monday ever again, but I'm grateful to be right here with lots of people around me ready and willing to do anything possible to make the best thing happen out of a not-so-good situation.  I'm grateful for my little family.....Ova is my everything....my kids drive me up the wall sometimes, but I'm so grateful for them and I wouldn't change anything! 

Today was a great day!  Keep hanging on baby A....we're almost to 25 weeks!  :)

September 20, 2011

Baby A

I've had tons and tons of ultrasounds during this pregnancy, but they've all been because of emergency reasons, so I haven't been able to take any images home.....besides the very early one confirming they were twins.  The last ultrasound I had at my Dr's office...the ultrasound tech wasn't able to get any because of the position she was sitting in.  When I came in last Monday, before being admitted.... I asked them if they could see her, to please give me a couple pictures.....and these were the two she snapped for me.  I have them hanging in my room so I can see her little face everyday.  She's my little fighter baby!

You can see her little face trying to poke through the very little amniotic fluid she has to swim in.  And that thing under her chin......is her foot! 
And a profile picture....

Hang in there baby girl!  We love you!

1 Week

Can't believe it's been a week already since I've been admitted to the hospital.  Thankfully it actually went by pretty fast....and even more thankfully my baby is still alive, still inside, and still moving with her strong little heartbeat.  A week ago today was one of the scariest of my life, but now I am much more calm.  I asked the nurse today what the plan was for me.  How long I was really going to be staying the in hospital.  She told me she had to check my orders and she'd come back and tell me.  She came in about an hour later and said that when I can go a whole week with absolutely no blood at all, then I'll be able to go home.  There is no way.....I've bled everyday since week 13, so I guess I really am in here for the long haul.  It's bittersweet actually because I really miss not being at home.....not being around my kids all the time....not being able to walk around....not being able to do anythiing......but I'm grateful to be in here because I know I'm in really good hands.  All the nurses and doctors have been extremely nice to me and very informative of everything that's going on.  My vitals look good, besides a few low blood pressure measurements throughout the day, and still losing a lot of blood.....but besides that my baby looks great and I'm doing good.  I'm so happy.

They started me on iron pills to help with my blood count, and it's been working so far.  It actually went up a few points so now it's at 26....which is so much better.  The higher the count, the father away from a blood transfusion I am.

I guess their policy is that they can't keep an IV in the same spot for more than 72 hours, so every three days they come and take it out and put in a new one in a different spot.  Today was the third time they've changed it since I've been here....and it was not so much fun.  They've poked almost every visible vein in me and I'm all bruised up.  My first IV was in my right hand, the second one was a little more difficult, either that or the nurse really didn't know what she was doing....she tried to put it in my left wrist, that didn't work.  Then she tried my right wrist, with that one the needle totally missed my vein so once it was in my skin she moved the needle around while it was inside trying to find the vein....OMG, pain!!  She finally found a small vein in my left hand.  Today the lady held hot pads on my arms for like 20 minutes trying to make the veins pop up, not much luck....she ended up putting it back in my right hand, in a different vein.  I really don't know what they're gonna do when they have to change it out again in 3 days.....not looking forward to that!  :)

This morning I took my wheelchair ride....Ova took me down to the cafeteria for breakfast....we went outside and ate on the patio....OMG, it was such a beautiful day!  I haven't been able to breath the fresh outside air for a week, and it was so nice to be outside.  We sat out there for about an hour....I didn't really want to come back inside, but I started feeling dizzy so Ova pushed me back up to our room and then we took a long nap this afternoon.

I didn't get to see my kids today :(  I really miss them.  Ova was telling me when he went home that Lautala was crying so bad because she really wanted to go with him.  I feel so bad for them.  I really miss them.  Ova promised them that he'd pick them up tomorrow to come and spend the whole day with me at the hospital.  Can't wait until tomorrow!   Today was a good day!

September 18, 2011

Sunday 9/18/11

Today was pretty uneventful.  My vitals looked good all day long.  They brought the monitor in my room to do the daily NST (non-stress test) on my baby.  She's looking great.  I woke up bright and early this morning and turned on the Pandora on my phone and listened to Janice Kapp Perry.  It's Sunday today and so I wanted to be able to feel like it was.  They announced over the intercom that anyone who was LDS and wanted to take the sacrament could push their nurse call button.  I pushed mine of course.  I'm glad that they have those types of things available for those of us who have to stay in the hospital for long periods of time.  There were two elderly couples that came in to give us the sacrament.  One of the little old ladies was so cute.  She came right up close to my bed and was trying to make small talk with me.  She thought I'd already had my baby, because that's why most women are here on this floor...but when I told her my story she put her hand on her chest and told me that if I had faith, everything would be ok.  She was such a cute little lady...and I totally believe her advice!

I woke up really emotional.  Not a bad emotional, but a good emotional.  I woke up to a very active baby...I felt like she was doing flips in my stomach...I was emotional because I was so grateful that through everything my baby was doing ok.  She's such a fighter!  I don't want to be negative and focus on all the bad things that have happened, I feel like if I do that I won't be showing how grateful I am that my baby is still ok....so everytime I hear her heartbeat or see her on the monitor...I'm so extremely grateful.  She will always be my miracle baby!

Ova stayed with me this whole week since I got admitted.  I'm so grateful that his work is understanding and let him stay here with me.  He had to go back to work tonight.  I think part of my being emotional was knowing that he was leaving me tonight.  I really wish that money wasn't an issue and that we didn't have to worry about bills and things like that....if money weren't an issue I would have him by me 24-7, all the time.....I just love having him around.  It's funny because today it was just me and him all day....we didn't really talk that much because we were watching football and I slept quite bit, but I just love having him sit right next to me, it makes me feel so much better! 

Kina and Tina stopped by to visit me again.  They are so sweet, they brought me dinner and tons of desserts.  Tina makes this chicken and broccoli casserole dish that I absolutely LOVE.....and she made it for me!  Their son, Tevita Tonga is part of the Hopekids (if you've been following my blog, you know what that is...and for those of you who are new, click HERE to see what it's about) and they did a fundraiser/bake sale yesterday to help raise money for the program.  It's an awesome program!  I was bummed that I didn't get to help out, because Tina and I had been talking for a while of all the different desserts we could make to sell.  The bakesale turned out awesome though and they had a lot of family support!  Today they brought me so many cupcakes and treats that they had left from their bakesale.....oreo cupcakes, guava cupcakes....yummy!  They brought so many that there was not way I would have been able to eat them all, so I took a few out for myself and shared the rest with all the nurses!! The annual Hopekids 5k walk/run is coming up next Saturday......Ova and my kids will be there for sure, and I'll make sure to have him take some pictures so I can blog about it!  :)

Tea came with my kids again.  They were unusually happy and hyper today.  Of course as soon as they walk in they start looking around for snacks or something to eat.  Mone is the worst.....I didn't eat my hospital food dinner that I got because I knew Kina and Tina were bringing me dinner so it was still sitting here.  My little fatso Mone walked straight in and asked for my hospital food...and surprisingly he killed it!   Makai killed the rest of the rice and chicken and brocolli that I ate, and Lautala was eating off both of them.  I swear my kids have never-ending appetites!  hahaha  My room was full for a couple hours with my little family and I was loving it.  Then at about 8pm Ova leaned over and told me they had to go.  I got really quiet.  My kids gave me loves and kisses and then Tea took them down and Ova came to say goodbye for the night.  I started crying, and I almost made him cry.  I really didn't want to do that....I would have rather waited to cry until after he left, because I don't want him to feel bad or stress out, but I couldn't hold it in.  I'm just a big crybaby who LOVES to have my husband around ALL THE TIME.  I really am doing ok though, it's a little lonely being here by myself, but I'm ok.....and I'll sleep soon and when I wake up he'll be here!  Today was a good day!

September 17, 2011

Saturday September 17th

Today was a day I've been waiting for....a day that on Monday I didn't know would come....today marks my official 24 weeks....my 6 month mark....the official date that pre-term babies would be viable if they were to be born.  It amazes me how much just a few days makes a huge difference!  Since I'm officially 24 weeks now, I feel a little tiny bit more at ease that she'll survive if she came out.....but to be honest, I think she'll stay in, keep fighting, and be ok.  I just feel that even through everything, everything will be ok!  I'm grateful I feel that way because I think I would be such a wreck if I didn't have that hope.

Maternal Fetal Medicine is not opened on the weekends, but since they're supposed to monitor me daily, they brought the machine to my room.  I'd actually slowed down quite a bit on my bleeding since the huge incident on Monday, but today it was heavy again....uugghh...they put me on the monitor for an hour and her heart was strong and she looked great!

Nothing big happened today during the day....I just did the only thing I really can do....watch tv, talk to Ova, blog and facebook. 

We were just looking forward to 7pm to hit so we could watch the much anticipated rivalry game UTAH vs. BYU!!  This year was different, the game was a lot earlier in the season so the hype wasn't as big as it usually gets, but we look forward every year to this game!  Of course my whole family, and Ova's whole family are BYU fans....but Ova, me and our kids are UTAH UTES fans through and through!!  Whoo-hoo!!  We watched the game from my hospital room.....and to be honest, I'm so happy with the outcome....come on now, 54-10 UTAH.....whoo-hoo!  The rivalry game is usually really close and goes down to the wire, but this year Utah completely dominated, and it actually looked like BYU gave up and stopped trying.  At least the win put a huge smile on my face!!  :)

Tea and Ashlee came with Lautala to visit me (my boys spent the night with my sister Marie) and Kina and Tina stopped by too!  Today was a good day....good vitals, strong heartbeat, Utah won!  Great day!!  :) 

Friday September 16

Friday I got woken up bright and early for my vitals and for my blood to be drawn...I've been having a hard time staying asleep through the night, so once they woke me up, there was no going back to sleep.  They came in around 8am to take me to maternal fetal medicine to do the daily testing.  I'm actually starting to really look forward to that trip.....I'd much rather go there than to labor and delivery!  Her heart beat was as strong as ever and they/we were really happy for that, but my amniotic fluid index (AFI) went down again.  The first time the nurse checked it she only measured a 6.5, but then another nurse came in and had her do it again and it went up to a 8.4.....8.4 is way better than 6.5, but it's still too low :(  I was on the monitor for about an hour and they let me come back to my room.

I had a few visitors on Friday, which I loved!  Staying in the hospital on strict bedrest can eat at you, so having visitors come and take your mind of things helps a lot!  Thanks to my friend Dianna being next door to me, a lot of her visitors stopped by to visit me!  :)  Thanks for sharing Dianna....hahaha  Priscilla Falatea, Betsy Lao and Oto Tuiaki came by and visited for a little bit....and then a little later Klarah Motuliki stopped in to visit.  Tea came by with my kids again, that's a part of my day I look forward to....having my little ones walk in and immediately start eating everything in sight...hitting up the snack room and stealing all the shortbread cookies....running around making so much noise and dancing to the music on Ova's phone.  They always put a smile on my face!  I really need to start taking pictures while I'm here so my blog doesn't turn into all words.....pictures spice it up so much, I think!

My nurse came in to do my vitals after Tea left with the kids and I asked her if I could go and visit Dianna in her room.  I was so sure she would say yes, since it was just a couple doors down....but she actually shot me down :(  She said she reviewed my orders and I didn't have permission to walk or even ride in a wheelchair....total bummer!  A little bit later Dianna came to my room and kept me company for an hour or so.  I really love her.  She's such a good friend and funny thing is that the only reason we even know each other is through our blogs.....another reason why I love blogging!!  She was in here talking to me and then my nurse showed up to my door with a wheelchair....she said "I have good news for you"....you have permission to go on 1 wheelchair ride a day, but I can't be gone longer than an hour!  Yay!!  I was ecstatic that I actually get to leave my bed!  She left the wheelchair with me and I continued chatting w/ Dianna.  George Sekona came by to visit us too.  His wife went into pre-term labor at 34 weeks and their baby was in the NICU, they come everyday to feed him...he visited with Ova for a little while....then Dianna had to go feed her baby and George took off too.  At that time it was like 11pm and I still wanted to go for my wheelchair ride, so I got into the wheelchair and Ova pushed me through the hospital.  We went and got snicker milkshakes from the cafeteria and I just enjoyed being out of the room. 

Today was a good day.  I'm hanging in there, but more importantly my precious baby A is hanging in there!  Until tomorrow...

September 16, 2011

Thursday September 15th

Thursday was a better day, my vitals looked good.  They scheduled for me to go to the maternal fetal medicine office to check my fluid daily and also to do a non-stress test to make sure my baby was ok.  Thursday was the first day I went.  Thankfully the fluid index had increased a lot.  They were measuring a 9, which was way better than the 6 they saw on Monday.  Normal range is 10-20, so 9 is still low....but they said it was normal low.

Her heart was beating strong and they said she really looked good for being only 23 weeks.  One of the main things they look for is accelerations in the heart beat, where it goes from 5-10 beats faster then the normal range.....with limited variables (times when the heart goes a lot lower)....she had some variables, but also showed a few accelerations which was so good!  I just love hearing her little heartbeat and seeing her little face on the ultrasound....it makes me feel so much better!  She's doing really good dispite everything, and for that I'm so grateful!

After my appointment that morning, they brought me back up to my room.  I don't know why but I was extremely exausted and I pretty much slept the whole day.  I don't sleep very well at night....maybe because I miss my kids, maybe because this bed is so uncomfortable, and maybe because I'm just not at home....but I find myself waking up several times in the night.  I took advantage of sleeping throughout the day on Thursday.

Tea came with Ma and Ashlee and the kids to visit me.  They were here for a little bit and then they all left.  Ova went with them because he had a few things to do....and I wanted him to go spend time with our kids since we've been in here for a while.  He was gone pretty much all afternoon and I got some good sleep in.

One of my good friends Dianna had her precious baby girl Isabella here that night.  She's chunky and absolutely gorgeous!  She's my neighbor just a few doors down so when Ova got back that night, he went and visited them.  I haven't been able to see them yet, but I've seen the pictures of facebook and she's perfect!  Dianna's older sister Cia stopped by to visit me, she was with Dianna's kids on Thursday night....they just got done meeting their new baby sister and stopped by my room on the way out to say hi.  It's nice to have visitors!

That night was pretty uneventful, Ova and I just sat here watching tv and talking.  He's been so strong and such a support through all this stuff that has been happening, and all my emotional breakdowns.  He's the best and I'm so grateful for him.  I love him, he's my rock.

Wednesday September 14th

Wednesday started out as another bad day.  Bright and early in the morning when they came to take my vitals....things weren't looking too good.

-My blood pressure had dropped
-I had a fever of 100
-My blood levels went back down to 24

They asked me all the questions like am I having pain, am I still bleeding, am I feeling her move around...things like that.  I mentioned that I haven't really been feeling her move, but that it was probably just because I just woke up...or that she was sleeping.  They didn't like that and so they called for labor and delivery to come and hook me up to the monitor to make sure she was moving and her heart was still beating strong.  Once the monitor came and they hooked me up, her heart was consistantly beating in the 150's and you could hear her kicking and moving around.  They kept the monitor on me for like 20 minutes and in that 20 minutes, her heart had dropped to about 80 beats per minute 3 or 4 times.  That was not good news.

The Dr and perinatalogist (with 4 student Dr's) came in to review the results of the scan.  They were a little worried about her heart dropping so many times...because that either meant she wasn't getting enough oxygen through the placenta, or that my amniotic fluid was so low that she was laying on the cord.  So, they sent me back down to labor and delivery for another day of testing and monitoring. 

The Dr came in and told me that their concern was that I might have an infection...and that's why my temperature was so high.  Funny thing was that I didn't even feel hot or sick at all.  The Dr said that if my temperature goes up .1% more I'd need to have antibiotics to try and kill whatever infection was happening. 

My little baby girl hates having the monitors on her and she goes crazy kicking them when they're on.  It's almost as if she purposly kicks so much that the monitor moves and loses her heartbeat and then she hides from the Dr's....hahah....everyone just has such a hard time getting her to stay on the monitor.  Everyone says she's stubborn....but I don't even care because she's such a fighter.  She's survived and fought through losing her twin, all the bleeding, all the cramping and contractions, and now living in very little amniotic fluid.  She's my little miracle and I hope and pray she continues to fight.

Ova's dad came and visited us in the labor and delivery room.  Him and my dad are two of the most faithful men I know.  I love having them around, hearing their words of wisdom and their positiveness...it's exactly what I need.  He stayed for a little while just visiting and chatting with Ova.  I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful and great family and support system.

They monitored me for a little while and then they said she was stable enough for me to go back up to my room.  They told me my stay might be like this...back and forth between labor and delivery, maternal fetal medicine, and my room.  I'm just glad that I'm here and have all this help around....all the Dr's and nurses have been extremely nice and kind and I feel so comforted and reassured that I'm in a place that will help right away if anything goes wrong.

They scheduled me for another ultrasound in the morning so they can measure the amniotic fluid around my baby.  When I came in on Monday they weren't sure if my water had broken.  Checking the fluid will help them know for sure.  Hopefully there's more than on Monday!

Wednesday night my kids came and stayed in the room with me again....my mom and dad stopped by and visited after their fireside.....my dad said a nice prayer with us before they left.... then I got a lot of sleep when Ova took the kids home.  It was a pretty eventless night, which I was grateful for!

Tuesday September 13th

Tuesday was a good day.  Like I said in my previous post, things had calmed down a lot and they moved me up to my own room.  I finally got to eat after not being able to for more than 24 hours, which was nice.  They continued to check my vitals and make sure I was ok.  I was still bleeding heavily, but the cramping had stopped so that was good.  Because I'd lost so much blood, they have to come in every so often to take more blood and make sure my blood count wasn't getting too low.  It's normal for pregnant women to be a little anemic during pregnancy, but my levels were extremely low.  They said if it gets down to a 23, I'd need a blood transfusion....Monday in the labor and delivery room, my count was 24, but Tuesday morning it went up to 26 which was so good!  My blood pressure was good, my temperature was good, my hematocryt was good (blood level) so things were looking better!  The nurses came in every so often to check my baby's heartbeat and to make sure I was still ok.

Ova went home and brought our kids here.  It's a small little room for three crazy and rambunctious kids, but I love having them here.  They spent the day with us, just hanging out....my mom stopped by after she got off work and visited me for a little bit.  Then when she was ready to go, she took my kids back to Tea so Ova could stay here with me.  Tuesday was a much better day and I'm so grateful that my baby A didn't decide to come out on Monday.  She gave us a HUGE scare....but the longer I can keep her in, the better!  Please baby, continue to stay in and stay strong.....

New Home

I actually have so many things I want to blog about....like Mone's preschool....him turning 5 years old, his birthday party.....but I'm gonna have to put that on the backburner for a couple days so I can get caught up on the latest pregnancy drama and scare.  This past couple days has probably been the scariest of my life...and I'm going to just try to blog on a daily basis of all the things that are going on....my stats, the positives and negatives....just everything!  It'll just help me release and vent and also remember what happened years down the road when I go back to reminiss.

Monday September 12th
Let's backtrack a little bit, Sunday night I had a hard time sleeping....I felt extremely hot and uncomfortable.  No cramping or anything like that, just really uncomfortable.  I tried really hard to just fall asleep, but couldn't kick the feeling.  At about 4am I got up to take a shower hoping that would cool me down cause I felt so hot.  It worked a little bit, enough to let me sleep for a bit.  Ova got home from work...came in and kissed me and got ready to sleep.  I had a Dr's appointment scheduled for 9:30am....and I got up to put my phone in my hand so my alarm could go off.....but I didn't hear it.  I finally woke up at about 10:20am and I called my Dr to let them know I missed my appointment and to see if they still wanted to see me.  Because I'm so high risk and have been having so many complications....they told me to just come in and they'd squeeze me in.  I knew Ova was so tired from just working his graveyard shift so I didn't want to wake him up.  Makai asked me if he could come with me.....and I let him just so he could keep me company.  Plus this was just supposed to be a regular check-up....not the dramatic thing it turned out to be. 

I've been having some issues with my Dr since everything that's happened....I really think it's just a clash of personalities.  He's a great Dr, but he doesn't talk that much and he doesn't comfort me like I need to be comforted.  I am a little high maintenance and I need the reassurance or comfort, and I just wasn't getting that from him.  The appointment was just regular, they weighed me...I lost 2 more pounds, I peed in a cup for them to check my protein level and it was all blood so they couldn't test it....he didn't seem too worried about it because these things have been happening since I was 13 weeks....so for a couple months.  I laid on the table and he immediately found her little heartbeat, and it was beating nice and strong.  That made me feel so much better!  I don't know why, but I got really emotional during the appointment.  I wanted to let him know how I was feeling without hurting his feelings so I told him how scared I was.  I felt really bad because I totally broke down and Makai was sitting there so worried, not knowing what was wrong with me.  I told my Dr that I feel like nobody is giving me any answers.  I've been bleeding for months now and I feel like nobody is doing anything about it or at least their not letting me in on what's going on.  I mentioned to him that I've been in the ER like 10 times in the last couple months and had so many ultrasounds and bloodwork and everything done, but I still feel like nothing.  My Dr told me right after I lost baby B that he would just treat me like I was only ever pregnant with one baby.  That hurt my feelings and I didn't like that he said that.  He said that I'm high risk but he still only sees me once a month.  I told him I needed more.  He told me that I had two options.  I could either go back to IMC hospital to the maternal fetal medicine (specialists) to do another ultrasound...or I could schedule an ultrasound in his office.  Obviosuly I wanted to go to a specialist....going to his office would still just leave me with more unanswered questions.  He scheduled me for an ultrasound with MFM at the IMC hospital at 1:30pm that same day.

Since my Dr appointment didn't end until like noon, I decided I would just take Makai to lunch and then we'd go straight to the ultrasound before we went home.  I texted Ova just to let him know what was going on, but I didn't want to wake him up since he just got off work.  Makai wanted to eat McDonald's so we just went through the drive-thru.  We ordered and got our food and as I was driving off I started feeling really weird cramping.  All the sudden, a HUGE gush of blood came out.....I immediately pulled over and got out of the van and stood there for a good 2-3 minutes while the liquidy blood just gushed out of me.

I took this quick picture with my phone...this does no justice...the puddle was actually huge and it ran into the gutter and down the street....gross, I know!
My feet

 I was freaking out and poor Makai was sitting there watching all the blood, watching me crying, crying himself not knowing what to do.  He grabbed my phone and kept screaming.. "mom, what's the number to your Dr?"  "do you want to call the hospital?"  "Mom, are you dying?  Is the baby dead?"  I was completely panicing and I could tell Makai was so worried...I told him to just wait we would run home and get Ova.....I called and woke up Ova crying hysterically and told him I needed to come and get him.  He didn't ask any questions, he just said ok.  As I was driving home, still crying...I looked over and Makai was sitting there folding his arms just praying his little heart out.  That's the first thing that comes to his mind when he's put in situations like that....I'm so glad he believes and knows the power and importance of prayer!  I don't think Ova really knew what to expect when I got home to pick him up.  On the way home I called my Dr's office and asked them what I should do, they said to go straight to labor and delivery at the IMC hospital....and that they would call them and let them know that I was coming.

I didn't have anything at all in the van to sit on....so I just had to get back into the van.  I felt bad because seriously, there was blood everywhere!  The floor was covered, I got blood on the door, and the seat was completely soaked.  When I pulled into the yard, I just called for Ova to come....I didn't even take time to go in and change and shower....I just wanted to get to the hospital already.  Ova's dad was there eating breakfast with Ma, so I went in long enough for Ova and his dad to give me a blessing and then we left.  I got a huge beach towel, folded it in fours and put it on the driver seat so Ova's pants wouldn't get all bloody....and I got a big towel for my side of the van.  We got to the hospital and when we got out, even with a beach towel folded four times, Ova still stood up and had blood all over his shorts....the seat was so soaked that it went through the layers of folded towel, all over his shorts and on his garments.  On my side of the van I soaked through the towel and it still got over the seat.  My goodness. 

When we got to the labor and delivery....they were already expecting me.  I walked in and in just the couple minutes I stood at the desk to check in, I dripped blood all over the floor....it just kept coming.   They put me in a wheelchair, took me to a room...helped me get all my bloody clothes off....which is where they found this gross and disgusting liver-like blood clot...this really scared me because it looked like an organ or something.....they said it's just a lot of blood that had been clotting and they didn't think they saw any tissue in it....but these gross things, along with tons of blood just kept coming out of me.
they took my vital signs, brought in a small ultrasound machine to make sure she was still alive, hooked me up to the machine that monitors her heartbeat....and gave me an IV.  Everything happened so quickly.  I really needed to go to the bathroom but they didn't want me getting out of the bed and so they came to put a cath in.....I HATE THOSE!  As soon as she put it in, I started having contractions.....and serious ones.  I think it just irritated even more what was already being irritated and it was just too much.  I was cramping and contracting really bad.  They had me on the monitor, and the monitor wasn't picking up the contractions....but there was no denying they were there.  Normal contractions happen at the top of the uterus, which is where they put the monitor....but I was feeling the tightening at the bottom of my uterus.  Come to find out, my Baby B is on the top....but since she's gone, there is nothing showing on the monitor.  My baby A is on the bottom, and that is where I was feeling the contractions.  They moved the monitor to my lower uterus and immediately they started picking them up....and they were pretty close together.  Even with the contractions and all the bleeding, her heart was still beating strong in the 150's......she's a little fighter, that's for sure!  They wanted to take me from the labor and delivery up to the maternal fetal medicine office so the perinatoligist could do a more indepth scan of me.  They put me in a wheelchair to take me there and I was in so much pain because of the stupid cath.  I just wanted it out.  During the whole scan I was in pain.....everytime the Dr would push on my stomach it would kill me!  On top of all that, they didn't give us the reassuring news we wanted to hear.  The perinatalogist was worried that my water had broken because there was hardly any amniotic fluid around my baby.  They couldn't tell for sure if the low fluid was due to my water breaking or if it was just low because I had lost so much blood.  I immediately got so scared.  I asked her questions like what happens now, can a baby live inside the womb if the water has already broken?  They said yes, but it's very high risk and that meant that I would be staying in the hospital for the long run.  At least until they can get my bleeding under control, or until they can figure out what's going on.   The perinatalogist left the room for a minute and my contractions continued and were so painful and so extrememly strong.  I wanted the cath out of me!  When the Dr came back in I asked her to please take it out....she gave me permission to have the nurse take it out when I got back to the labor and delivery.  As soon as she took it out, I felt so much better!  But the contractions were still there.  They were so intense and consistant that they actually got so close to being only a minute and a half apart.  I couldn't get any relief.  So many people came in and out of my room, Dr's and nurses, people to draw my blood....so many people!  My contractions kept coming and so the labor and delivery doctor along with a perinatalogist specialist came in to check me.  I had dialated to a 2 in that short time I was there....that was NOT GOOD!  Honestly, even with all the bleeding and cramping and all the drama that was going on, I was unusally comforted.....I know it was just because of the prayers and thoughts on my behalf, and also the blessings I've received.  I was scared and worried, but I don't think I ever thought that I would lose my baby A.....not until the Dr's came in and had the very dreaded conversation with us.

That conversation was really hard.  The Dr's were very blunt, which was nice because they told us everything we needed to know and what to expect.  On Monday I was only 23w2d along....not even the 24weeks that you have to be to have a viable baby.  They came in and told us that with everything that was happening it looked like she was going to come out.  They wanted to let us know that she's so small right now, and if she was delivered at this stage....her likeliness of surviving was very slim.  They said it would actually only be close to a 10% chance of surviving the labor and birth, and if she did fall into that 10%.....there would only be a 1-2% chance of her developing normally or even surviving the NICU stay.  It was all too much information to take in.  I lost it and completely cried...that was just something I didn't want to think about.  They sent in the specialist from the NICU to let us know what to expect if she were to come out today.  Obviously the news was not good.  She told us that since my baby is so small, she's not fully developed.  She talked about how many risks there were involved in a baby being born that early and wanted to know where we stood as far as how much we wanted them to do to intervine to help her live.  She said the main things they were worried about was her brain not being developed enough so she could have brain bleeds, her lungs not being developed enough so she would have a hard time breathing...they could put a breathing tube in to help her, but the longer it's in the more scaring it does, which is not good.  She said that because baby is still so small there is a large risk of infection, which is very dangerous....it was just one thing after another.  Too much information to take in in one day.  I kept crying.  Ova was strong, but silently crying.  They wanted us to make a decision right then about what we want them to do.  That's just too hard of a decision to make.  The NICU Dr asked us if we wanted her advice, we said yes.  She said that if the baby comes out today and she's fighting to breath and fighting for her life, then yes......they will do what they need to help her out.  But if she comes out and isn't fighting because she's been through too much, she suggests we just hold her and love her and let her go.  I couldn't even think about that, I didn't want to think about that.  I looked over to Ova who was crying silently and he told the NICU Dr that yes, that's what we would want to do......help her as much as we can, if she wanted us to...but we didn't want to make her suffer any more than she already has.  That was our decision....the hardest decision we've ever had to make.

They came in with all these different medications to help force my baby to develop, just in case she came out that day.  They gave me betamethazone, which is a steriod that they shoot into my hip....it's purpose is to strengthen the lungs of the baby....the thing is that they give it in two doses and they have to be 24 hours apart....so they said my goal for now was to at least try to hold on for 24 hours so I could get both doses of the shot before my baby came out.  They gave me magnesium, which was good for two things....it helps the baby's brain so it won't bleed out, and it acts as a muscle relaxer, which hopefully would stop or at least slow down my contractions.  They gave me penicillin because my urine tested positive for strep B....needless to say, I had a lot of medications running in me....and they were doing everything they could to prepare me and my baby.  I was scared!  Thankfully the magnesium they gave me did slow my contractions down a lot.....and after a few hours they were completely gone.  I had signifigantly improved from just a few hours ago and that was such a miracle!  They kept me in the labor and delivery room all night with medications running in me and so they could monitor me.  They told me to try and rest, but it was too much for me and there was no way I would be able to sleep.  My baby didn't sleep at all either....she hates when the monitor is on her and she was kicking it like crazy all night long! 

My little sister Marie came to the ER at about 1am and stayed with me all night long.  I'm so grateful she came, she helped more than she even knows.  Ova was so tired from working the grave shift and then all the drama that we'd been through so he was sleeping on the little couch area in the delivery room.  She sat and talked with me from like 1am until 6am and she helped keep my mind off everything that was happening.

Tuesday morning things had calmed down a whole lot and so the Dr's came in and told me they thought I was stable enough to go up to my own room.  That was great news to me.  When I got to my room, the nurse came in to greet me and she said that the only goal she had for me was to Keep Baby in as long as possible.  That was the goal!

September 14, 2011

Going Private!!

My blog is going to turn into more of a journal of every little thing that is happening to me, especially since I'll be staying in the hospital for *hopefully* months until my baby develops a little more.  I don't want to leave anything out, graphic info, pictures and all so I think it's better for me to just invite those who want to read and follow, and not for the whole world to see!  At least for now until things settle down.

If you follow my blog, or if you want to.... just shoot me an email to monicafangupo@yahoo.com and I'll be sure to send you and invite!

Thanks for all the love, support, thoughts, concerns, prayers....and everything...they really do help and I appreciate them more than you even know!!


September 9, 2011

Rugby World Cup 2011

Proud Much??

The news reporter in this video clip says it the best, all the other countries could learn a little about dedication, loyalty and support from the Tongans!!  :)

Today at 1:30am MST marks the start of the Rugby World Cup 2011.  The Ikale Tahi team (Tonga's team) has been invited not only to play in the World Cup, but to play in the opening game of the tournament against the #1 ranked All Blacks.  This is HUGE!!!  The support around the world has been absolutely amazing......all the crazy Tongans getting together, wearing their red to support their team, celebrating and cheering on their country!!  It's awesome!

You can obviously see in the video clip of the amount of support the New Zealand people have shown....here in Utah a bunch of Tongans met up at the state capitol, decked out in their red with their Tongan flags to show their support.....Vegas had people meet in front of the Welcome to Vegas sign...in the Bay area, they actually had a parade down the streets going to Pirate Island...there were so many people that showed up that the Hwy Patrol actually closed that area of town from all polynesians, haha...but that didn't stop them, they just took their celebration elsewhere!!

All over facebook for the past few days, the Tongans have been showing their undying love and support for their country!  I love it!

The Ikale Tahi team has been HUGE in Tonga since forever....I remember when Ova and I went to Tonga back in July of last year, the first day we were there, the traffic in the streets were stopped and everybody stopped what they were doing for just a minute to cheer as the Ikale Tahi team from 1973 paraded down the streets of Nukualofa to celebrate their reunion...it was awesome!

I love all the LOVE and SUPPORT the Tongan people have for their country.  It's so neat to see everyone coming together!!  Even though the Ikale Tahi team is the underdog in this competition, with them being in 12th place and the All Blacks #1, we are all proud of them and proud to be Tongan!!  Hopefully all the hype and support and love they're getting will give them the energy they need to get the upset and WIN....wouldn't that be awesome?!!  Either way, win or lose....it's been awesome to see the unity of the Tongan people throughout the whole world!! 


Mate Ma'a Tonga!
(Die for Tonga)

My husband said it the best with his post on facebook today:
It's a humbling experience to see the Tongan people come together as one to show support for our Ikale Tahi boys. Tonga ma'a Tonga pea Mate ma'a Tonga. Koe 'Otua mo Tonga ko hoku tofi'a. Ruck 'em truck 'em & take the Cup back to our poor & humble island. GO 'IKALE TAHI!!! We love & support our boys 100%!!!

September 7, 2011

A Bend in the Road

When we feel we have nothing left to give
and we are sure that the song has ended
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
and the darkness of night has descended,

Where can we go to find the strength
To valiently keep on trying?
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying?

There's but one place to go and that is to God,
and dropping all pretence and pride,
We can pour out our problems without restraint
and gain strength with Him at our side

And together we stand at life's cross roads
and view what we think is the end,
But God has a much bigger vision,
and He tells us it's only a bend.

For the road goes on and is smoother,
and the pause in the song is a rest,
and the part that's unsung and unfinished
is the sweetest and richest and best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger.
Let go and let God share your load.
Your work is not finished or ended,
You've just come to a bend in the road.

-Helen Steiner Rice

This little poem has meant so much and helped me to remember that I need to look at the bigger picture.  When I was hit the hardest, feeling completely down and out, it was right after we got the news about Baby B.....I wouldn't say that I lost my faith, or that I even lacked in it.....but I was struggling.  My good friend Dianna Otukolo stopped by my house and dropped off this beautiful framed poem, and it help me put into perspective what I already knew but was having a hard time accepting.  The trials and hardships me and my little family go through in this life are just bends in the road. 

I hung the picture up in my bedroom right next to my bed, and I look at it everyday....several times a day.  I'm grateful for the gospel, and the knowledge that God has a much bigger vision, and He tells us it's only a bend.  And I'm grateful for good friends who care and help lift my spirits when I need it!  I really am blessed!

3 of my neices:  Alisi, Toakesa & Pisila Lupe

This poem also made me think of a very special little girl in our family, Toakesa Lavinia...she's the daughter of Ova's little brother Tim and Toa.  She just celebrated her 7th birthday this past May.  She's truely a miracle child of our little family (along with baby TiTonga) because she has endured so much in her little lifetime.  We, as a family are so grateful for this little girl!  When Toakesa was born she had some problems with her liver.  At the age of 1 she had a liver transplant.  She's a tough little girl and has beat all odds, and has even impressed the Dr's and specialists with how well she has done.  It's been 6 years since her operation and dispite all odds, she's been doing great!  So well in fact that her Dr's and specialists only have to see her twice a year.  She has to take several medications daily, and she will have to for the rest of her life, but her parent's are right on top of it and she's been doing awesome!

Ova got a call last week from his brother.....a call that nobody wanted to get.  He told us that Toakesa had fallen sick and that her liver was rejecting.  That news was hard for the whole family....and I'm pretty sure we all cried when we heard....just of fear and worry, but not of giving up hope.  We all, as a family....including all the kids fasted and prayed for little Toakesa.....and today I was talking to her mom and got the wonderful news that the results from the labs they took came back today and her liver numbers have improved so she's doing good!  The power of fasting and prayer never ceases to amaze me!  Toakesa is a blessing and such a little fighter.  We love her a lot and are thankful everyday for her health and strength.  It really is true that after the bends in the road...the road goes on and gets smoother, and is sweeter and richer and better!

September 4, 2011

My heart has been really heavy for the past few days, just thinking a lot about a lot of different things.  Last week Thursday was Utah's first game....and you know how my little family just LOVES the Utes!  We were happy that they won, even though they didn't really play as well as they should....a win is a win and we'll take it!  :) 

I was happy that Ova didn't have to work that night....they were kinda slow so they let him stay home if he wanted to...of course I wanted him too!  :)  We were watching movies in the living room and at like midnight Ova got a text from one of his friends....telling him that one of the Utah football players wife was in a car accident and she had died.  She was only 25 years old.  The story has been all over the news ever since it happened and every time I see it, I get teary eyed.  They just got married last summer, just over a year.  She was just at the game cheering on her husband and enjoying the victory....and a couple hours later she's in our Heavenly Father's kingdom.  You just never know.  I actually don't know her, or her husband....but the way it has affected me, you would think I did.  I guess it just made me put things into perspective.  It made me think about my life and my little family and what I would do if I ever lost Ova.  That seriously would be a trial that I don't think I'd be able to carry.  I can't imagine how her husband feels.  The emptiness and lonliness.  There are tons of people who are mourning with him and praying for him....but I don't think anything or anyone can lessen or ease the pain he is feeling right now.  This is where I'm grateful everyday for the gospel.  I'm grateful that we KNOW that if we live righteously, we will be together again FOREVER someday.  It makes me think of my little baby B.  I know I'll get to see her and hold her someday.  And even though I really wish I could have had the opportunity to do that in this life, I'm grateful to know that I will someday!

Life is too short.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed.  If there are grudges or arguements or really any negative energy in your life....ask yourself is it really worth it?  What is something happened to your loved ones tomorrow and you didn't fix things today, will you regret it?  Life is way too short. 

I cherish every moment I have with Ova, and with my kids.  I'm grateful everyday for them and the happiness they bring to me.  I can't imagine my life without them and I don't want to. 

To Ron Tongaonevai.....I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know nothing anybody says or does right now will ease the pain you feel right now.  I hope you can find comfort in knowing that your dear Janelle is yours forever and that you will be with her again!  And there are so many people around you....both family, friends and even strangers who are thinking of you, mourning with you, and praying for you.  Stay strong!

Here's an article from the Salt Lake Tribune:
Death of Utah player’s wife reminds us — football always a game

Sometimes life is too, too cruel.

And death is crueler.

A lot crueler than football will ever be.

In its first game as a member of the Pac-12, Utah was far from its best against the Big Sky’s Montana State at Rice-Eccles on Thursday night. Straight in the grille of so much anticipation about soaring to new heights, everybody on hand took note of the lackluster performance, including each member of the team.

During the traditional postgame playing of the school fight song, meant as a celebration of victory, when the players gather in front of the student section, holding their helmets in their hands above their heads and pumping them to the bounce of the tune, quarterback Jordan Wynn looked as though he were lifting a thousand pounds of iron. He grimaced as he stood there.

Then, the players quietly walked off the field and into the locker room.

As they did, I read the disappointed and dissatisfied body language of the Utes, as well as the name of each of the players stitched on the back of the jerseys, as they headed for the tunnel. One of the names I read, but didn’t recognize, was that of reserve defensive lineman Ron Tongaonevai, who I later discovered was a transfer from Snow College who played in five games last season, but did not play Thursday night. He disappeared slowly, in line with all the others.

There was no evidence of victory’s thrill.

An hour or so later, Tongaonevai, and eventually all of his teammates and coaches, would be crushed by life’s — and death’s — real pain. Tongaonevai’s wife, Janelle, whom he wed a summer ago, was killed in a car accident in West Valley City at 10:30 p.m.

Life is too, too cruel.

Death is crueler.

Football is just a game.

"Our hearts go out to Ron and families and friends on both sides of the marriage for the tragic loss of his wife Janelle," Kyle Whittingham said in a statement. "This is a devastating loss for everyone involved in our program. Our players and staff are grieving for Ron and our top priority is to give him our support."

Details for a team tribute and funeral plans were being worked out on Friday, all as players and coaches were gathering for meetings and watching film of the Montana State game, although, Whittingham said, "All of our thoughts and prayers are with Ron, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything else."

No doubt the tone of those meetings would be altered significantly. Players who might have been tongue lashed, harshly critiqued for Thursday night’s underachievement, were bound to have arms wrapped around them in Friday’s deep sorrow.

God bless Ron, his family members, his teammates, his coaches, every one of them. If a team really is a family, now is the time for it to embrace and encourage, to hold onto to one another, not to evaluate, to mess too much with what went wrong against the Bobcats, or what might go wrong against USC next week.