I ended up in the ER all night last night again. The visit took 7 hours. I had a lot of weird things happening to my body since we found out that we lost one of our twins, I didn't know if it was in my head....or if it was something serious. I called the on-call Dr at my Dr's office and they told me to go to the ER. We had another ultrasound while we were there. Baby A's heartbeat is still nice and strong, at 155. We were able to find out that we were having girls! I was right, I knew it would have been two little girls......now it's going to be one little girl to be best buds with Lautala and one little guardian angel for me and my family. It's been almost 3 days since we got the news, and I'm still a wreck.....the crying is more sparatic....mainly when I think about it.....but I still feel so sad. I was talking with Ova about how I can just imagine it's going to be such a bittersweet day when the day comes to deliver.....so happy to welcome another little girl to our family, but so sad because I know I will feel like something will be missing. Ova just told me to stop it, I can't do that to our living baby. He's right, but it's hard!
The Dr's were afraid that my body was trying to miscarry Baby B and that's why all those weird things were happening.....if my body does that, it will have no choice but to deliver both, which means I will lose both of them. I'm put on strict bedrest until further notice.....like for reals strict bedrest! They said no doing anything at all....just bathroom and the bed and that's all. The only place I can go is to my Dr appointments, then right back to the bed. I'm really taking it seriously this time and to be honest, it sucks! I can hear my kids running around and playing and I keep calling them in every once in a while to give me kisses and hugs....I really need that!
Ova is the best. He's my best friend and he's so sweet. I just love having him around me all the time....I'm pretty clingy when I'm normal...so when I'm going through hard times, it's like 100 times worse......he feels bad because he doesn't know what to do do comfort me, but he doesn't realize that just having him by me makes me feel so much better. I'm so grateful to have him, he's so strong when I'm such a mess. He hasn't really had time to sleep...between him working graves and me being so needy, he's so sleep deprived.....but he knows how much I appreciate and love him.
I cried to him last night while we were sitting in the ER, we were talking about how the Lord doesn't give us trials that we can't handle......and I asked him, "why does he think I can handle this, when I don't think I can?" He told me because I don't have to handle it by myself.....he's here with me and both of us CAN handle this. He's right.
Each day gets a little easier......until I have an ultrasound and we have to see Baby B all over again.....then I'm a mess all over again. I imagine it will be like that for the rest of the time. I just pray everyday that Baby A stays strong, and that it'll get a little easier to deal with. And I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for Ova.