"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

September 23, 2012

Oh no, not again :'(

Everything about baby Katea's birthday party was perfect, except for one thing......she was sick :(  A few days before the party, she started having a little cough....and it looked like she was working a little harder to breathe.  I pulled out her pulse/ox monitor and she was satting in the high 70's, which is not good.  Her lungs are fragile and the hint of sickness for her means the automatic need for oxygen.  I put her back on the oxygen at 1/8th liter and gave her tylenol around the clock in hopes of getting her better and in hopes of helping whatever little bug she had pass and not get worse.  We had put too much work into the party to cancel it, so I decided that if she didn't get better by the time the birthday party came around, we would go ahead and have it without her.  I really didn't want to have to do that, but I wasn't going to take her and expose her to everyone....not only for her sake, but for all the other little kids' sake too!  The morning of her party, she seemed a little better.  She was laughing and smiling and acting like she felt better, so I decided to take her.  Maybe that was a bad idea.  I didn't get to really enjoy the party because I was so worried about her, about half way into the party she looked really sick.  I turned her oxygen up to 1/4 liter just to help her out. She stayed with my parents in the corner of the party and nobody really held or bothered her.  She slept most of the party.  I should have taken her home, but I didn't.  :(

When she started wheezing was when I got really worried.  The party was in the gym of the stake center right by our house, so as soon as I heard it I took her into the relief society room to get her away from everyone and to give her an albuterol treatment with the nebulizer.  My mom came and hung out with me in the room...and then her primary nurses that were there came in to say goodbye.  I snapped this picture with them....I'm so glad they were able to come!  Love these ladies so much!  Baby Katea's NICU mamas :)

Her work of breathing had increased a lot, and she was retracting with each and every breath.  She sounded wheezy and junky and that was after the albuterol treatment and being turned up to 3/4 liters of oxygen.  I didn't like what I was seeing or hearing, so I left the party and took her to the hospital.  I already knew they were going to admit her....they always do because of her history.  Sure enough, as soon as they came into the ER room to assess her, they did a chest x-ray, drew some blood, did a clean catch cath, gave her an IV because they said her fontanelle was a little sunken in, they were in there quick and there were a lot of them.....with the way her room filled up with medical people my heart broke and I felt like the worst mother in the world.  Did I wait too long?  Should I have brought her to the ER sooner?  I shouldn't have taken her to her birthday party....I felt so horrible.  She just kept on staring at me with her big brown eyes and I could just see that she didn't feel good.  The 3/4 liter of oxygen wasn't enough for her so they turned her up to 2 liters......they gave her an adult sized albuterol treatment and then an hour later they gave her another one.  They told me that the chest x-ray they took didn't look too bad, but it did show her chronic lung disease and some atelectasis, which is the collapse of part or all of her lungs. :'(

The on-call pediatrician came in her ER room to assess her and she told me that she didn't know if they were going to be able to treat her there (Riverton hospital) they are a branch of Primary's, but they can't handle serious cases.  She told me that if her oxygen needs increased, and she needed to be put on high flow, or CPAP, or intubated, they would have to transfer her to Primary Childrens......I started crying at the thought of that, but she said that we would give her a little while for the albuterol treatments to work, and for the IV to run to see if that helped her out enough for her just to be admitted to Riverton.  Thankfully it did.  About half hour later, her retractions were better and she was resting, so the pediatrician ok'd her to be moved to the floor. 

I had a little breakdown in the transfer to the floor.  I just felt so horrible.  She's so fragile, and I do have to treat her differently than my other kids.  Our house is always full of people, like always FULL of people, I don't know how to protect her when I'm working so much.  Ova is so great and he's the one that stays with her all day everyday while I'm at work, but even with them in the room...there are people still there, in the living room, or in Ma's room visiting her...which is right next door...and some of them are sick, or have runny noses or whatever, and I swear the sickness follows her.  A little cold that's nothing to an adult, or even to other kids, is a HUGE deal for baby Katea...people just don't understand that.  :'(  I talked to the doctor about how horrible I feel that I took her to her birthday and how she needed oxygen a couple days before and I didn't bring her in because I didn't think I needed to because a lot of the hospital stays so far, they do for her what I already do for her at home.  I just thought that maybe if I took her in right when she first showed signs of sickness, she wouldn't be so bad.   The doctor gave me a hug, she was so sweet.  She told me to stop beating myself up, that I did nothing different than she would have done if she was in my situation.  The virus that she caught (Rhinovirus) was caught before her party even started and she assured me that she didn't get worse from going to the party...she got worse from the virus just running it's course, and apparantly the rhinovirus has a pretty rough and long-lasting course.  She made me feel a little better, but still.

By the time we were moved to the floor and all situated, it was like 11pm and I was supposed to work the next morning at my new job, which I'm still in training for, at 7am.  I sent a text to my boss explaining the situation and asked if there was any way I could not come in.  It was a long shot because it was already 11pm and I was supposed to work in a few hours......but seriously, it's such a great company, and they really truly care.  It's such a family feeling there. I felt bad that she had to hussle so late and in such a hurry, but they were able to get me coverage not only for my shift the next morning, but for my shift the next few days so I could stay in the hospital with her.  Love my job!

Over the next few days in the Riverton hospital, she seemed to be getting worse and worse.  I always thought that it's bad for her lungs to give her albuterol more than every 4 hours, but they were giving it to her often...sometimes an hour apart and sometimes back to back.  She was still getting her flowvent steriod puffs twice everyday, and they added another steriod atrovent to the nebulizer with some of her albuterol treatments.  They started her on orapred, which is another steriod/antibiotic that she takes by mouth...they were just loading up her little body with steriods trying to help pop her little lungs open.  When I mentioned my concerns about them doing more damage to her lungs because of how often and frequent she's getting albuterol and steriods, they told me that this is one of those situations where you just do it because she really needs the help right now....and then you deal with the reprecussions of it later.  So essentially, they were doing more damage, but they had to...her lungs were collapsing, we had no other choice.  Chronic lung disease is a vicious cycle....the lungs are bad and the only thing that will heal them actually makes them worse.  My poor baby girl.  :'(

She's so funny because she will not sleep in the cribs they provide.  She cries and cries and won't stop, and she won't let herself sleep.  She likes to sleep in a big bed.  As soon as they brought the big bed in, she calmed right down.  She likes me to be right by her, rubbing her head or holding her hand.  I think she knows that a big bed means mommy can sleep right next to her.  She's a smart little girl!  :)

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