"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

October 7, 2011

No Words

Pictures say a thousand words, I've found that to be true in this case.  There are just no words for how I felt this day.  It was definitely the most emotionally sad and draining day of my life.  Ova and I have talked many times about how our biggest fear is having to bury a child.  That fear was realized on October 3rd, 2011 when we buried our sweet baby Cindy's little body.  It was almost surreal, like it wasn't really happening, like I was dreaming it.....I wish it was just a dream.  I think about her and that day all the time, and sometimes I feel like it hasn't hit me...all that has happened.  The day after the funeral services....Ova and I went to the gravesite of our little angel.  We both sat on the grass in silence staring at her teddy bears and flowers that were left for her from the day before.  I must have cried for an hour.  I can't believe I buried my daughter.  Even though I know I'll see her again and get to hold her and kiss her someday.....I do wish she was here.....is that wrong of me??

To my precious baby Cindy Ki'Hevani:

You are my angel baby
and that I know is true
God is holding you now
And listening to you cue
You are in Heaven looking down
watching mommy cry
I really wish you were here
But I know that this is not good-bye!

After my daughter was buried, I walked around to thank everybody for coming and supporting my husband and I.  We really are grateful and overwhelmed at how blessed and loved we are by so many.  I walked over to this group of friends who were standing together under a tree.  I got really emotional when I was hugging them because believe it or not, 5 of the 6 of us in this picture has had to bury a child.  So in their own way, they knew exactly what I was going through that day.  It's so hard, but in the days since the burial....I've gotten texts, calls and facebook messages from these ladies, just giving me hope and telling me that slowly but surely everything will be ok.  I'm grateful and blessed!


Sinai said...

Thanks for sharing your pictures. *Tears*. Love you!

Ane said...

Lots of love and prayers to you and the fam!!! Your faith and strength amazes me! Ofas and Alofas!


Mon Love you so very much!!!

Ceeu N Uila said...

There is nothing more unnatural than a parent burying their child. May you be comforted knowing that Cindy is the young woman you always dreamed she would become. She knows and loves you all and because our Father in heaven loves you so much He will fulfill the promise made to every mother. You will be given the chance to raise her in heaven. I will see you there sister, with my little boy. Mona and Ova, she is yours, for now and until eternity, Cindy is yours.