So I took my kids out for a night of fun and I ran into a family member that I hadn't seen for a while. He came up to me and this is how the conversation went:
Him: Hey Monica, sorry that we didn't come to your baby's funeral...we didn't hear about it until the day of
Me: Oh it's ok, don't even worry about it...everything happened so quickly
Him: Was the funeral for the baby that already died?
Him: Yeah, that's what I thought. (Then with a rather disgusted face) Why did you spend money on a funeral if you already knew it was dead before it was born?
A million things are running through my mind at this point.... shock at the words that just came out of his mouth, extreme hurt and then severe anger. I wanted to punch him and it honestly took everything in me to not break down and cry right there. I couldn't believe how ignorant he was...and that he had the odacity to ask me that question right to my face in a voice that was totally non-chalant like it was no big deal.
Me: Because she was my daughter and she had a fully developed body...and we wanted to lay her little body to rest
Him: (pointing to my stomach) well, at least you still have one baby right?
Me: Yes, she's in the hospital....she'll be there until January....I had her when I was 6 months pregnant so she's really small and only weighed 1 pound when she was born.
Him: Oh, you already had her? That's good.....(then he walks off)
I stood there for a little bit pondering on what just happened. I was so hurt. His non-chalant demeanor and attitude made me so sad.....yet so angry. How dare he make light the pain I felt losing my daughter. How dare he question our decision to lay her little body to rest. How dare he make me feel like my baby Cindy wasn't important and didn't need the service she got. How dare he. How dare he act like she wasn't important or wasn't a person, just because she passed on before she was born. What about the months she was alive in me? What about the months that we heard her little heart-beat and saw her moving her legs and arms and wiggling around? How dare he. With my baby Cindy I felt like I had to go through her death twice. When we found out that we lost her it was so hard. I cried for weeks...I didn't eat anything...I would say I went through a little depression....but after a few weeks, I was able to finally accept it. When I delivered her little body, all those wounds and the pain and loss I felt were re-opened. I had to deal with it all over again. It's been almost a month and I just recently stopped crying....just to have a family member, someone who is supposed to support and be there for you in your hardest and darkest times, make the pain even worse. How dare he.
I came home and told Ova about what happened. Of course he was so upset. He hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder for a long time. He tried to comfort me and told me not to worry about that family member, that we don't need him. Ova's right, we don't need people like that....but he's family, and whenever we run into him from now on I'm gonna think of this conversation and how he made me hurt so bad.
Baby Cindy, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that some people don't understand. I'm sorry that some people are so heartless....but just like daddy said, they don't matter. All that matters is that mommy and daddy love you so so much, and even though you were only here for such a short time...and we never got to hold or kiss you, you were very much a part of us and our lives and we will never forget that! We know that we will get to be with you and hold you and kiss you someday....and we know you're our little guardian angel and you're always in our hearts and minds. We love you our sweet baby Cindy!
And so this is what I really need to remember: