"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

May 12, 2014

Education all over again...

I am so confused with my life right now and my education goals and wishes.  I have so many credits with so many different schools and I've started and stopped so many times.  I kinda sorta feel like a failure lately when it comes to my education because I've been going to school for what seems like forever, with so much student loan debt, and nothing really to show for it.  It's depressing!  I have a degree in accounting, but I don't want to do that anymore.  Ever since my experience with Baby Katea, I just really feel like I need to go into a field where I can help people and make a difference.  Like being a nurse.  It's really ironic because my mom is a nurse and she always wanted one of us to follow after her, but back then, nursing didn't interest me.  My life changed after Baby Katea's birth, her hospital stay, my stay in the hospital before I had her.....the many times she's been hospitalized since she was born, and just everything since summer of 2011.  My appreciation and love for nurses and doctors and grown so much, my amazement at how far medical technology has come and everything about it has changed.  I watched my little 1 pounder grow in the little plastic incubator for months, on different kinds of breathing machines with different kinds of medications.  When she was born they told us she probably wouldn't make it.  She did.  Everything they did, the medicines they administered, the different precautions they took with her were amazing.  Not only did she survive but she is thriving and a normal little girl now.  She still has issues with her little lungs, but that is all.  I give most of the credit to a merciful and loving Heavenly Father and to answered prayers....but the actions the nurses took, the love and care they provided, the things they did for her helped and it changed my life.

I want to be a nurse.  I want to help people.  I want to make a difference and to help people, just like our nurses helped us.  Sometimes I second guess myself because I'm such an emotional person and I get attached to people too easily and too quickly.  I'll probably end up crying a lot.  But that's ok.  I saw some of my nurses cry and I was grateful for it.  They truly loved and cared for my baby girl and I want to have that impact on others too!  I actually talked about it with Ova back when baby was still in the hospital.  He supports me in everything and totally encouraged me to do it.  I haven't pursued it yet because I'm so busy and don't really know where I'll be able to fit it in my schedule.  But I know that if it's a priority to me, I will make the time.

There is a program through BYU-I that came up last year and it sounded so amazing.  It's called Pathways and was put together by the leaders of the church to allow parents with children to get a college degree at a very minimal amount.  It really is an awesome program and the moment I heard about it I really thought it was something that Ova and I could do together.  I signed us both up and we've gone for 2 semesters now.  The tuition is great, it's only $325/per person/per semester and it's been so amazing to go to school with Ova, to study together and to help each other.  I've absolutely loved studying the scriptures more in debth and having the spirit be and essential part of our studies.  I'm a little torn though.  Through this program there are only certain degrees you can go into, and nursing is not one of them.  You can do nursing through BYU-I but I'd have to go to Idaho and take the classes there.  They have a business management degree that I was thinking about doing, just to get a degree at that price, but the more classes I take, the more I really don't want to do that.  I keep asking myself why I would go to school and study something that I don't want to, just to end up in a job that I probably won't like or be satisfied in?  I'm so torn. 

You only have to go for three semesters to be fully integrated into the Pathways program, and Ova and I decided to take a break during the summer and finish the 3rd semester in the fall.  I guess I've got a semester to decide exactly what it is that I want to do.  When I started Pathway, they transferred 76 credits from the U and SLCC.  But even with those transferred credits, I have the numbers but a lot of them don't count, so I'd still have a lot of classes to take to finish. 

Here's where the prayers and fasting comes in.  I know that education is important and I want a degree so that I can work hard and have a lot of money instead of work hard and have nothing.  That little paper makes the difference now days.  I want to be happy and love what I do.  I don't want to regret the field I'm going in to.  Maybe I'm overthinking things....I don't know.

I hope my kids don't follow in my footsteps when it comes to education.  I hope they dive right into college after high-school and get it done.  It will make life so much easier and more enjoyable if they can just get it out of the way instead of spending years and years and years deciding what they want to do.  Follow my example in having the desire to get an education, but not my example in taking so long to get one!!

1 comment:

The Vakautakakala's said...

Praying for you and your family. We found ourselves in a similar situation a few years back. I am certain you will make the right decision as you continue to put your trust in the Lord.