"Begin today and write in it your goings and comings, your deepest thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to you, each other, your children, your grand-children and others throughout the generations. Remember, the Savior chastised those who failed to record important events." --President Spencer W. Kimball

November 21, 2013

Soul-searching

I used to be so good at keeping up on my blog and recording all the important events in our lives....I've spent most of the night tonight going back and reading my past posts and I had forgotten a lot of the things that I had written.  I'm so grateful I wrote them down and recorded those special moments and I'm so upset with myself that I stopped blogging.  I want to have a record for my children so they know of their childhood and how cute they were and the funny things they said.  I've got so many posts in the pending status because I was going to try and catch up on everything before I posted anything, but I've fallen so far behind now that I don't know if I'll ever be able to catch up.  I'm making an effort right now to start over again and I hope that I will be as dedicated as I was before.  For my children's sake, and for the sake of recording our history.

So much has happened since I last posted, but I'm going to just start today.  I'm sitting at work right now (grave yard shift) and it's been a little slow.  I've had a lot of down time so I've been doing a lot of thinking/soul searching.  I am so blessed.  Sometimes I go through these little emotional times when I just stop and think about all I have been given and I'm so grateful.  I was going through some of my past facebook posts and I came across this quote that I posted back in April of 2010.

“I believe the Savior is telling us that unless we lose ourselves in service to others, there is little purpose to our own lives. Those who live only for themselves eventually shrivel up and figuratively lose their lives, while those who lose themselves in service to others grow and flourish—and in effect save their lives.” That's what being a mother is, it's service. That's why it brings so much joy. So tonight, when you've had a long day and your kids are on your nerves, realize how much different you would be without them." -President Thomas S. Monson

I read it and I stopped to ponder the last question.  How would my life be if I didn't have my children?  I can't even imagine it, and I don't want to imagine it.  My life is so busy right now with work, school, my calling....I have a lot of things on my plate and sometimes I get overwhelmed and I think the people who suffer the most from it is my husband and kids.  When I'm tired from working or stressed out over something, it's always my family that takes the brunt of my ornery-ness.  They are the last people that I should be taking my stresses out on.  I read this quote and couldn't help but feel a little guilty.  Everything I do, I do for them, but sometimes I don't act like that.  Nothing big has happened today or recently that initiated this post, this is just something I started thinking about in my soul-search!

I have been so blessed in my life!  I know that I've been through some pretty hard times these past couple years, but look at all the blessings I've been given.  A wonderful husband and 4 healthy children.

I'm so grateful for Makai....so so grateful for him!  He's such a good older brother and my biggest helper.  I can always count on Makai to do anything and everything for me and for his younger siblings.  There have been countless times where I've asked him to watch his little sisters while I do something and I go out and see them laying on the living room couch sleeping and he's holding them in his arms.  He has a heart of gold and he is so so thoughtful.  I'm so grateful for his handsome face and his beautiful smile.  I love that he always hugs and kisses me and his dad before he leaves the house.  He's 10 years old now and for some 10 year olds, that's not cool, but he always does it and I love it.  He does so much for me and I don't think I tell him enough how much I love him and how grateful I am for him.  I will make a better effort to do that so he knows how much he means to me.

I'm so grateful for my Filimone.  He is one of a kind.  He is fearless and bold and outgoing and so smart and funny.  Makai is more reserved and shy and Mone is completely opposite.  I love his little laugh and his chubby body.  I love his beautiful long hair and all his jokes that don't make sense.  He's my wild child that likes to take his shirt off and walk around the house naked.  He loves to dance and he's always laughing or making jokes.  I'm so grateful for him and I love that he, like Makai, gives me daily hugs and kisses.  I hope they never outgrow that stage. 

Lautala is such a little diva.  She is too smart for her age and I love that I can have full on grown-up conversations with my little 3 year old.  She's so feisty and such a boss.  She's wise beyond her years and she has such an awesome sarcastic sense of humor.  She can clown on anyone and she does it all the time, it's so funny.  She's so free-spirited and she loves to dance.  I think she's got music in her head because she dances all the time!  I hope that stays with her forever.  She is so beautiful and sometimes I just look at her and smile.  Everything she does is so cute and I'm so grateful for her!

Then there's my little miracle Katea.  I'm already tearing up just thinking how grateful I am for her.  She was the hardest trial I've ever had to endure, but the biggest blessing.  Because of her, my testimony was strengthened and because of her I know that prayers are answered and that God really does love me.  She came into this life in such a hard way and she's pretty much fought since day one.  It's crazy for me to look at her now and think that she was only 1 pound.  She's so amazing!  She's my little mini in every way.  She looks like me, and she's even left-handed like me.  She's 2 years old, and looking at her now, you'd never know how she started her life.  She's running around everywhere, she talks in sentences, she's so smart.  She's been watching and has learned a lot from her older sister Tala, and she's developing that same sarcastic little personality.  She's a total daddy's girl and prefers him over me all the time, but I love their bond.  Sometimes I just look at her and cry because of the miracle she is.  I am so grateful for her!

Then, of course, there's Ova.  I don't even know where to start with him.  He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm so grateful for him.  We've come a long long way in the 11 years that we've been married and we've definitely had our ups and downs.  I'm grateful that he's stuck it out with me through the hard times and I'm so grateful for where we are right now.  Unconditional love is what it is.  I love him with all my heart and he loves me.  We tell each other every single day without missing a day, and we tell our kids.  It's so important to express yourself to those who mean the most to you.  When you say it, you're reminded and you act it and become it.  I'm so grateful for my handsome Ova for everything he is and does for me and especially for our kids.  We've figured out what works for us and we're happy. 

There are so many things I have to be grateful for and I hope that I'm living my life in a way that will show my Heavenly Father how grateful I am for all my blessings.  Just feeling grateful and I wanted to record my feelings.  #Blessed

 

1 comment:

Fiona and Hoko Tuakoi said...

Hi Monica!! I love love love this post!! Thanks so much for sharing!! I'm so like you, but probably worst, in trying to keep up with my blog and wanting to document my life and everything in it. I love the quote you shared by Pres Monson. That's exactly how I get thru every day. By trying to live in the moment and reminding myself that it will pass. Eventually. Lol. At least on the hard days. Love you and your beautiful family!! Keep posting cause I'm trying to get back to this. Lol.