Embarrased

So Lautala was out of milk, and she doesn't like to drink anything else....no juice, no water, no nothing.....just milk.  I felt bad because she didn't have any all day long, so I decided to try and go to the store to get my WIC for her.  I took Makai and Mone along with me, just so they could help me, I'm so glad they did!  We just ran to Smith's because the store is not as long as Walmart and I thought that the closer I had to walk, the better.  We got in the store and started getting everything we needed and I started feeling really dizzy.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  I've lost a lot of blood, and haven't really had an appetite the past week, so I'm sure that's why.....and that's why the Dr put me on bedrest.  I had to go to the front of the store and get one of those handicap electric wheelchair carts with the basket on the front.  I was so embarrased!!  But I needed to sit down.  It actually helped a lot!!

I had Makai push the big cart and thank goodness for him, he did all the work.  He filled the basket with everything we needed and then we headed to the car.  He loaded the groceries into the car for me, and when we got home he unloaded the car and put the groceries away for me.  He's such a HUGE help!  Mone on the other hand, is a different story.....I actually wish I left him home....hahaha he wasn't much of a help, he just kept asking me to buy any and every little thing for him.  Their personalities are so different....love them both so much!

I can't believe how much that took out of me.  I don't know what's going on with my body, but I don't like it!

I had an appointment with a counselor at the IMC maternal fetal medicine department yesterday.  I feel like I have a lot of questions about what happened and nobody can give me a straight answer.  I complained about it to my Dr and he referred me to the counselor.....he said that they would be able to give me all the answers I was looking for.  I didn't really know what to expect, but I was actually very very happy that I went.  He did an indepth ultrasound.....checked everything on baby A, made sure the heart was developing correctly and that she has all the correct parts of the brain and heart.  He did a scan of my kidneys and liver and just pretty much anything that could be seen on an ultrasound, he covered.  I explained to him all the crazy symptoms I've been having, and asked him if they were normal.  I asked him if he saw any more blood in my uterus or if he could tell me why my baby B died.  He was excellent.  Obviously a lot of the information he couldn't give me, just because he didn't know....but he was kind and genuine and gave me all the answers he could.  He drew a picture of my uterus and everything that is going on inside me.  It was very very informative and I'm grateful to know.  He told me there is a little tear on the corner of the placenta from the uterine wall, that's where the blood is coming from.  The blood is under the membrane so, just like my Dr told me it's no where close to the babies.  In the scan he saw a lot of scar tissue from my 3 c-sections I've had and he saw a huge clot of blood right at the tip of my cervix.  He showed us how the blood was coming from that tear and collecting in the clot he saw.  He couldn't tell me 100% for sure, but he was pretty sure that it was the tear causing the blood that cause the death of my baby B.  Everything he said made total sense to me.  That would explain why the blood is more brown than red, because it collects in the clot before it comes out.  The contractions I was feeling was my body trying to get rid of the clot.  The good news is that baby A is growing, all her body parts look great and I'm not dialated at all.  I asked him if the blood that was still coming could hurt my baby A.....he said he couldn't tell me for sure, but I needed to take it easy.  He said if my body kept contracting and caused me to go into labor, or if the litle tear became bigger and tore more of the placenta away from the uterus, then it wouldn't be good, but for now he seemed positive.  I'm so grateful for that appointment I had, and for finally getting some kind of information to answer some of these millions of questions I've had in my mind.  He was afraid I might be anemic because of all the blood I've been losing, and becuase I told him I get light-headed when I stand up.  I feel like it's just one thing after another, but I know I'll be ok.  Thank you for all your prayers for me and my baby A....they sure do help!!  :)  Only 3 more days until I'm at 20 weeks....half way there!  Come on Baby A, hang on!