FANGUPO

Difference of a few days

2012-02-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

I dropped my touch phone and shattered the screen back in August. It had a screen protector on it, so even though there were a million tiny pieces of glass....they were still in place under the screen protector. I do have insurance on my phone, but when I went in to replace it, they said because I was the one that dropped it....and it wasn't a technical problem with the phone, it would cost me $100 to replace it.....I decided that was stupid, and I continued to use my broken phone....lol. It actually worked just fine and once I got used to having to look through the cracks of the broken glass to see my text messages or pictures, it was no problem. This month makes 6 months since I've been using my broken phone.....and everything was still working just fine, until my 2 year old Lautala decided it would be fun to pull the screen protector off of it.....which made all the little peices of glass start to fall out :( I did try to put the screen protector back on, to save it....but by that time a lot of pieces had fallen out and the protector didn't lay down flat because of the glass peices that were still there. Bummer. I was hoping to be able to wait until I get my upgrade so I didn't have to pay to get a replacement of this phone. I had no other choice but to cave in and pay the $100 to replace it (I'm such a cheap skate, I know...lol)

I paid the $100 and got my new phone and as I was transferring all the info I had from my old phone to the new one, I realized something that may seem irrelevant to most, but was a huge shocker to me. I found my little phone app that I used to use all the time.....the P&O tracker, which tracked my cycles from way back when........and I noticed I was off by 4 days. I don't know how that happened, except I remember at my first doctor's appointment when I found out I was pregnant, he asked me when the last date of my cycle was and I couldn't remember exactly, so I guessed a date and told him it was around that certain date.....he wrote that date on my charts, and that's the day we went with. BUT according to my phone tracker (which is 100% correct), I guessed 4 days later than actual. That 4 days is A LOT in the preemie world. That means that my baby Katea wasn't born at 25w2d like we all thought she was.....she was actually born at only 24w5d. How does this change things you might ask? Well, it doesn't really.....she was still born way too early and she is still amazing! What that means for me is that really, she had 4 less days in the womb than we have been giving her credit for.....4 more days of work that she had to do that we didn't know about. That makes her even more amazing, because it makes her original chance of survival even less. Maybe it's completely usless information, but to me it's amazing. That means that when I was originally admitted to the hospital, I was only 22 weeks.... THANK GOODNESS I didn't have her that day! That two weeks spent in the hospital helped her get to the critical 24 weeks. Wow....it's amazing to think what a difference 4 days makes!

**Still have a lot to catch up on, but this is what has been on my mind since I cleaned out my phone, so I thought I'd blog about it! :) Baby Katea is still....and now even more so.... my MIRACLE!

Home Sweet Home!

2012-02-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have SO MUCH to blog about.....but finding the time or energy has been the struggle! My baby girl got the ok from the optimologist to be discharged from the hospital on Monday. Her eyes are not completely mature, but he felt good with letting her go home (since she was already on 100% oxygen for the last couple days), plus he said they're so close that they would probably be mature in the next couple days, and I have to take her up to Primary's Moran Eye Center in 2 weeks to follow-up. That means 4 1/2 months, 134 days in the hospital since she's been born....and she was finally healthy enough to come home! That day was a very emotional day.....I woke up in the morning in anticipation of the results for the eye-exam....the optimologist was supposed to be there at 9am, but 9, 10, 11 o'clock passed and still nothing.....my nerves were on edge, I was sitting in baby Katea's room talking to Stacey and everytime someone would walk into the pod, we'd both stop talking and jump to look at who it was, seeing if it was the optimologist......both our hearts were racing. He finally showed up at noon and they sent him straight back to our room to do baby Katea's test first. I didn't want to be there for the exam, so I went out to the hall. After a few minutes, Stacey came out the door with two big thumbs up in the air.....and she was crying. I immediately got teary eyed, but I didn't cry like I thought I would.....I think it just didn't really hit me.....in the back of my mind, I was talking myself into accepting that her eyes were close, but still not mature, and we would probably be spending another week at the hospital. The thumbs up meant she was cleared.....we were leaving the NICU!

Everything went pretty quickly after that, we went back to her room and started packing up all her things. She had definitely accumulated a lot of things in the 4 1/2 months she was there....lots of pictures, stuffed animals, supplies, etc.......Ova and I were putting things in bags getting ready to take everything to the vehicle while Stacey fed and cuddled with baby Katea one last time at the NICU. I was packing up all her belongings and putting things away, and I wasn't crying. I don't think it really hit me that we were actually leaving the NICU, with our baby girl, and I realized that I didn't have to go there every single day anymore. The NNP came in and went over the discharge papers, I signed everything I needed to, they wanted to make sure I was comfortable with having to possible revive or stimulate her if she happened to have an episode at home...as scary as that sounds, yes, I am comfortable with it....we set up her home monitor and oxygen tanks, and we headed out. That was it....in an instant we went from long-term NICU residents, to going home. As we walked out the doors of pod C, it hit me like a ton of bricks....and I lost it. I cried big huge tears. Those tears were happy tears because my baby was going home, and sad tears because I was leaving. I know that sounds crazy, but this had been my home for such a long time. The nurses who took such good care of me and my baby were my family....everything was about to change. Stacey carried baby out and I stopped and hugged a few people that I saw on our way out the door. Can't believe this chapter was finally over, it took forever, yet went by so fast. I sincerely will miss all the friends I made at the NICU.

I'm going to miss wearing my bright lanyard with my yellow NICU PARENT badge, I'm going to miss being able to enter my own personal code that gets me past the L&D doors, when everyone else has to wait for a nurse to get entry to. I'm going to miss pushing the button to buzz myself into the NICU and having the recptionist look through the window, and without needing to ask any questions, just buzz me in and immediately tell me how my baby was doing, or how cute she is. I'm going to miss having little conversations with whoever I see in the lobby as I wait for my turn to scrub in. I'm going to miss scrubbing in, up to my elbows for 3 minutes every single time I enter the NICU, I'm going to miss scrapbooking on Tuesdays, and parent support meetings on Wednesday nights. I'm going to miss sitting in the hall during the NICU break, on the bench that I push behind the tree.....blogging and having conversations with the nurses that are just getting to work for the night shift. I'm going to miss sitting in my baby girl's room watching her sleep, having long old conversations with the nurses, whoever was assigned to take care of her. I'm going to miss the other NICU moms that I've made friends with. Getting updates on each other's babies anytime we run into each other, celebrating the good news and progress made, and crying with them at the set-backs. I'm going to miss the excellent care and love both my baby girl and I got while we were there.

Now we've been home almost a week, and I'm totally and completely sleep deprived. Lol. Part of it is that that's just how it goes when you bring a new baby home....part of it is that I'm trying to get used to all the monitors that are constantly beeping....part of it is that me and my older kid's schedules are so jacked up, and have been for a while. The nurses have Katea on an awesome schedule where she's awake most of the day and sleeps for long stretches throughout the night....which would be awesome if I could get my other kids on that schedule too! Lol. She's doing so well at home. She still de-sats quite a bit, but I think I'm finally used to handling it. She was on 1/32 of a liter of oxygen per minute at the hospital, needing to be turned up to 1/16 of a liter during feedings or sometimes when she sleeps. She's actually needed a little more since coming home. She's needed 1/8 liter of flow all the time....which is ok, it's probably just the change and everything that's so new to her....and hopefully we'll slowly be able to wein her down until she's completely off of it. It'll be nice to be able to see her little face without any cords or tape all over it.

She is amazing though, and I'm so happy to have her home! I have kept in really good contact with my primary nurses....I text pictures, and messages to them. Anjanette texts me every single day asking how chubs is doing. She is very loved, and just because we're not there in the NICU anymore, doesn't change that love. I'm so grateful!

Still have A LOT of updates in the week we've been home, but all 4 of my kids are finally asleep at the same time....so I'm gonna take advantage of this time to sleep too! :) More updates coming soon!

9lbs!

2012-02-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? My little 1lb. baby girl hit 9lbs. tonight! I remember when she was first born....I told the nurses that I didn't want to take her home until she was at least 8 or 9 pounds.....because all my older 3 were that big and I wouldn't know what to do with a baby any smaller. The nurses all giggled with me and told me that she'd probably be around 5lbs when we bring her home. Can't believe she acutally hit 9lbs today. That's a HUGE accomplishment....she's gaining weight and growing so well!

Tonight marks 7 days without any bradicardic episodes! Yay! That was one of the major hurdles that was keeping us at the hospital.....now that that's out of the way, we're just waiting for developed/mature eyes! Tomorrow is the day of the big test.....the day that will let us take her home, or keep her here for another week. Crossing our fingers for mature eyes!

Last night when Ova and I stopped by to visit, we finished everything else we needed to get ready. We watched all the necessary videos: The period of Purple Crying, a Carseat Safety video and a CPR video. And last night during the night, Meredith did the carseat test with her. I got a text from Meredith at about 2am.....this was the text:

Okay mom I am ready!:)

Tonight I'm rooming in with my baby girl! They have these two hotel-like rooms just down the hall from the NICU, the rooms are simple with just a queen size bed, a bathroom, a rocking chair and a breast pump....it's actually really nice to have the option, and I'm so grateful for it. We stayed here once before when baby was having a really bad day....it's was just nice to be somewhat close to her, even though we weren't together. Tonight is different though! Tonight she is with me! Tonight is the first time I get to sleep with my baby girl after almost 4 1/2 months. Unfortunately Ova couldn't get the night off work, so it's just me and my baby girl. We rolled her little crib into the NICU hotel and I'm just sitting here staring at her. She's so big, she's so beautiful, she's come so far....she's amazing! They give the option to parent's who are almost going home, the option to stay in the NICU hotel for one night before taking their baby home....just to get used to all the monitors, the beeping and dinging....getting used to watching her oxygen saturations on my own and making sure she's breathing and ok. It gives me the opportunity to be a mom...all by myself...without having any nurses interveining....BUT still having them close by in case anything goes wrong or in case I need them. I brought her to this hotel room at about 8pm....it's now 1230am and she's still sleeping. The nurses are amazing and have gotten her on a good schedule. She's awake and wants to play during the day, and she sleeps for long stretches throughout the night. I was told she'd proably wake up at about 1am, just to eat, and then she'll go back to sleep for a few more hours. How nice! Wonder if she'll keep this awesome schedule once she gets home! haha....we'll see!

Yesterday was the last time Meredith will get to take care of her (if we go home tomorrow) and today was Stacey's last day. It was hard saying good-bye to them. I'm really going to miss them, and I'm so grateful for them! Tomorrow Charise is working and Annica is charging....I'll get to thank them and say good-bye to them. Our NICU journey is almost over. 4 1/2 months, 134 days.......a LONG time, that actually went by pretty quickly. So grateful for this experience, so grateful for the lessons learned and the life-long friends made. We are better, stronger people for having this experience....we have a beautiful baby girl.....we recognize and know how blessed we are, and we are SO blessed!

Primary Nurses

2012-02-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

Primary nurses are nurses we picked, and who picked us to help provide more consistant care for our baby girl. When they are working, they are the ones taking care of Katea. We were so lucky to have gotten all of the nurses we picked to primary for us. I've been talking a lot about baby Katea's primary nurses.....how great they are, how much they've done for my baby, how much we love them....so I thought I'd post a few pictures so you can put a face to their name!

Anjanette

Meredith

Stacey

Charise

Annica

These 5 women are amazing! I will never ever forget not only what they did for my baby girl, but how much they loved her. Life in the NICU can get really overwhelming at times, but thanks to these 5 ladies, who were not only our nurses, but our friends.....we were able to survive 4 long months at the NICU. They were baby Katea's 2nd mom when I wasn't there, they watched her grow.....no, they helped her grow from a teeny tiny 1lb baby into an almost 9lb baby. They are miracle workers, and I know that my baby girl is alive, and healthy because of the excellent care and love she got from her primary nurses. Even though we'll be leaving the NICU and won't get to talk to them or see them everyday, they will forever be a part of our lives, and espeically baby Katea's life. We will make sure she knows all her NICU aunties! :-)

If any of you 5 are reading this....THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I know saying it is not even close to enough, but really....Ova and I thank you so much for everything. We love you all!

Surprise!

2012-02-02T02:53:00.000-07:00

Today when I got to the hospital, Stacey was so excited to tell me that baby Katea had a surprise for me.....I LOVE surprises so I was anxious to see what it was....as I walked into her room, I scanned around and didn't really notice anything different. I looked at Stacey all confused and she told me that they switched her oxygen to wall-flow.....which means low-flow, scant flow....100% oxygen, the kind she's going to come home on! At first I was so excited, but then I got scared. I just kept thinking over and over that her eyes aren't mature yet and I've been told over and over that it's the oxygen that damages the eyes....how could she be on 100% oxygen if her eyes aren't mature yet? She told me that baby was only on 1/16th liter of 100% oxygen, and they were watching her saturations really really closely making sure she doesn't high-sat too much. As long as her saturations stayed within the parameters of 88-94, she would be fine. How exciting! She's always been a yo-yo'ing type of baby....she'll go super high on her saturations, and then dip really low in just seconds....she's always been one to make the nurses chase her....lol (a lot of personality already...hahaha) But, the changing of her oxygen to the scant seemed to help her be more stable, which was so nice. The move to scant flow also eliminates the Fi02....now if she needs a little help, they adjust the flow from the 1/16th to how ever much she needs. What a great surprise!

The decision to do that was made by the neonatalogist, to help get her home sooner. Originally the plan was to wait until her eye-exam on Monday, and if her eyes were mature, they would switch her over to the scant flow....where she would need to be monitored for 24-48 hours before she could actually go home. By switching her now, they're able to get the monitoring out of the way so that on Monday if/when her eyes are mature, we can go home! Wow!

They gave me a list of things I had to do before I can actually bring her home, sort of like a check-off list.

-I have to bring in her carseat so they can do their carseat test, which is where she has to sit in her carseat for 90 minutes without having an episode, or without a severe de-sat

-We have to watch a few different videos.....just different things we need to know in case something happens once we get her home

-We have to schedule night to 'room in' with her....they have these two rooms at the end of the NICU hall, made especially for parents who are taking their preemie baby's home. It's such a nice thing, especially if you're taking your baby home on oxygen and monitors, because you get to spend a night alone with your baby and all the monitors......and if you feel overwhelmed, have any questions, or need help with anything, the NICU is right there.

- We have to take and pass a CPR class

Tomorrow I will take the carseat in, we will watch the videos this weekend....(I wanted to wait until Ova was off so we could watch them together), We're going to 'room in' this Saturday, and we took the CPR class last Thursday. OMG, it's really going to happen. My baby girl is really going to come home. I can't believe it....4 months 1 week 4 days is how old she will be on Monday....seems so long, seems so short. Finally our family is going to all be together. Overwhelmed. So nervous, happy, excited, anxious and sad. Sad to be leaving this place I've called home for the last 4 months. Sad to be leaving these wonderful people, the IMC NICU staff, the other NICU parents, the common bonds ladies.......If it were up to me, I'd never have chosen to be handed this experience.....but I'm so glad I was. My life is forever changed being a mom of a micro preemie baby. I am blessed. I am grateful!

I've been putting a few things together for our primary nurses, and for all the NICU staff.....I just feel like I can't thank them enough for everything they've done for my little girl. Nothing I could do, or make, or give them would be enough.........for saving my baby girl's life. I am forever grateful and indebted to them. I'm not sure if we'll be here past Monday, so I've been asking around to make sure my primary nurses will be working before then. Thankfully all of them are.....except Anjanette. I haven't seen her for the past few days, so I text her tonight to see when she works again.

Me: Hey girl....when do u work again?

Anjanette: I do not work until Tues then Fri, Sat. Sorry for not visiting u, things have been crazy with my assignments. How is chubs doing?

Me: She's good...did u know they switched her to scant flow today and I think they said she's on 1/16th of a liter

Anjanette: Good girl, I knew she could do it. So is she here until a least Monday for her eyes?

Me: Yes....and they said she'll go home on Monday if they're developed....does that mean we won't see you? :-(

Anjanette: Could be, but if so I will stop by ur house so I can give u her gift I have not brought it in yet

Me: Awww...Katea has something for you too! Gosh, now I'm gonna get all teary-eyed...

Anjanette: U r silly, this is a good thing and we can still be in contact

Me: I know, I'm just a crybaby....and I get attached...lol. Thank you so much for everything!

Anjanette: Yup. I should be the one thanking u two for being the best parents and making this time a good experience for everyone.

I cried all the way home. I know it's a good thing....it's a GREAT thing, and I know we'll keep in touch....I'm just sad that I didn't give her a BIG hug and thank her so much for everything she did for us. She was the one that took baby from my stomach on the operating table and rushed her to the NICU, she was the one who put her on the breathing machine to keep her alive, she was Katea's nurse for the first critical nights of her life...when we weren't 100% sure she was going to make it and be ok, she's the one that's been there from the very beginning...through everything. When we first chose her to be our primary nurse, she didn't answer for a few days.....she came into our room one night and told us that she doesn't primary very often because she's pretty possessive, and she is! She LOVES Katea, Ova and I see and feel it from her. I'm so so grateful for her....and Meredith, Stacey, Annica and Charise.....all our primary nurses! I've actually been getting really emotional for the past few days, just at the thought of leaving the NICU and bringing baby home. Don't get me wrong, I've been waiting for this day since the day baby Katea was born, but I'm going to miss all the friends I've made there. I was telling Ova that the only other time I had this feeling was when I was getting ready to leave my mission and come home. As much as I was excited to come home, my heart was sad to leave the people....my friends, the people I had grown to love. That's how I feel right now, I'm so excited, but my heart hurts that I have to leave the NICU people that I love. I obviously don't deal with change very well....but one thing is for sure....they will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS hold a very special place in my heart, and my little miracle Katea WILL know them!

Parent of Preemie Day

2012-02-01T02:41:00.000-07:00

I came across this facebook page today through the blog of a fellow preemie mom: Parents of Preemies Day. This special day will be held on March 23rd.... they will be devoting that day to celebrating lives of preemie and their parents. If you are a preemie parent and would like to share your story, please go to their wall for information. If you know a parent of a preemie, let them know about this special day!

What an awesome thing! It's really amazing how many baby's are born prematurly every single year. I never realized it until it happened to me, and I can honestly say that my life has changed! I'm so grateful to be an advocate, to share my story, to meet other preemie mom's and to give back. I've been so blessed throughout my whole NICU experience with my micro preemie daughter Katea...that I just have to pay it forward!

Sometimes people who haven't had a preemie baby, or who haven't been in a situation like mine....are at a loss for words at what to say to someone who has. The website of Parents of Preemies Day has made a list just to help make it easier! Here ya go! This is taken right off their site!

DO YOU KNOW THE PARENT OF A PREEMIE?

A community of parents of preemies has compiled a list of simple acts of kindness and helpful words that you can share that are of great help to them while they are in the hospital and transition home with their baby.

10 Things to Say to the Parents of Preemies

1. Congratulations! Your baby is beautiful!

2. You're stronger than you know, and your baby is strong like you.

3. If you'd like someone to be there with you in the NICU, I'd be happy to just sit with you.

4. Can I see a picture?

5. When can I come and visit him/her?

6. After this experience, your bond with your baby is going to be so strong.

7. Prematurity is not your fault and it's really unfair.

8. What can I do during cold and flu season to keep your family safe?

9. Cry if you need to; I can be strong for you when you need to take a break.

10. You're a great mom! / You're a great dad!

10 Things to Do for the Parents of Preemies

1. Go food shopping and then cook and freeze a couple (or a lot) of meals that are easy to reheat.

2. Look after a preemie parent's other children so she or he can spend that much more time in the NICU.

3. Visit the new parents and their preemie as soon as the time is right – and focus on the baby, not the equipment.

4. Reschedule a NICU or home visit when you know you've been exposed to germs but aren't feeling sick (especially during flu and RSV season).

5. Help them get to and from the hospital when transportation is an issue.

6. Walk the dog, feed the cat, mow the lawn… anything that gives a preemie parent less to do at home.

7. Just listen. Parents of premature babies may have thoughts or feelings you don't understand; you don't have to 'get it'.

8. Give a gift their baby can use right now – premature babies who aren't ready for clothes can often wear specially sized hats.

9. Be understanding when the mom or dad of a preemie doesn't have a lot of time for you, even if you've been missing them for weeks or months.

10. Request a Graham's Foundation NICU care package on their behalf by visiting the Graham’s Foundation website.

If you choose to take on one of our suggestions, we encourage you to share your act of kindness or helpful words on our Parents of Preemies Day Facebook Page so we can add it to our Hope, Resilience & Miracles banner that will be unveiled on Parents of Preemies Day.

Stinky Nose

2012-01-31T01:07:00.000-07:00

So for the last few weeks, my Lautala's nose has been so so so so stinky....I can't even describe how stinky it has been....eeewwwwww....gross.....BAD! Everytime I pick her up to kiss her, I get a whif of her stinky nose. She's been picking her nose a lot lately and so I thought she had scratched the inside and it had become infected or something. Everyday, like 3 times a day, I would stick a Q-tip inside to clean it out and then I'd put neosporin on the other end of the Q-tip and roll it around in her nose, in hopes of healing whatever wound she had inside. Mind you this has been going on for weeks now. Just the past couple days she's started to cough and get a runny nose. Her cough is not too bad, but bad enough for me to worry.....espeically because baby Katea might have come home this week. I gave her ibuprofen which totally helped and every night before she slept I'd rub Vick's vapor rub on her nose and her chest, which let her have a good nights sleep.

This morning when I woke up, I called to schedule an appointment with her pediatrician....I just wanted to clear up any sickness she might have before baby comes home....and to find out why the heck her nose was SOOOOOO stinky.

We got to her appointment and they had me take all her clothes off so they could get a weight, height and temp. Then they had us wait in the room for her pediatrician to come in. It was a pretty long wait because they were pretty busy, so we kept ourselves occupied by taking pictures with my phone camera....she was being so funny! She was posing and she kept saying "mom, another one.......mom, another one" after ever picture I snapped. She's so cute! Haha

Once Dr. Templeman came in, he asked me what was going on. I explained to him that her nose was so stinky, and it had been for a while. The neosporin I was putting up there didn't seem to be working at all. He asked me if she had anything up there. It honestly never really crossed my mind that something would be inside her nose.....especially since she had a runny nose and it was running out of that nostril a lot. I didn't think anything could be up there, or it would block the snot from running out. He had me lay her across my lap as he looked into her nose with his little flashlight. Tala was such a good girl, she cooperated and didn't cry at all. Dr. Templeman said he thought he might have seen something so he was going to grab some tweezers and see if he could get it out. He just stuck the end of the tweezers into her nose, pinched slightly and you would never believe what he pulled out......a 2 inch long peice of a sponge....covered in blood and boogers. I about died. It was so big, I can't believe that was in her little nose....and for who knows how long! As soon as he pulled it out, Tala sat up and said "tank you doctor", she finally had some relief. I felt so horrible and I just kept saying sorry to her. Her pediatrician told me not to feel bad, that this actually happens a lot. He was telling me that the really bad ones are when the kid has gone for months and months without the parents even noticing.....I can't even imagine, especially with how stinky hers was after only a couple weeks. Ewww.

Sad to say that because it had been in there that long, it was infected (hence the smell) so I was partially right, and the infection in that nostril spread and caused her to have a slight ear infection on that same side as well. He told me that was the reason her nose was running and she had a little cough. He prescribed her an antibiotic that she has to take twice a day for ten days, and then she'll be as good as new! How crazy!

After we left the pediatrician's office, while we were on our way home, I got a call from baby Katea's NNP. She called to let me know what they had talked about in their rounds this morning. She told me they had been going back and forth on whether they should count the bradicardic episode she had yesterday. Some said no, it shouldn't be counted because of the added stress factors, and others said yes we should count it because her oxygen saturations dropped down in the 20's and it took them turning up her oxygen and the flow....and about 2 minutes of stimulation for her to get out of it. It was just too severe to not count it. They all finally decided that yes, they were going to count it. That meant that the 7 day count had to start all over again. :-( The NNP, Jolene, said that she would have felt really bad if she passed her eye exam and they were just waiting on this count for her to go home....BUT she didn't pass her eye-exam. :-( Usually eye-exam day is on Wednesday, but their old optimologist, Dr. Larson took a job somewhere else, and his replacement is going to come on Monday's instead....so today was the big day. Even though her eyes are not mature yet, and are not yet at a zone 3, they have improved a lot! What once was stage 2 ROP has improved and is now only at stage 1! That is awesome news! The higher the stage of ROP, the more damage done to the blood vessels in the eyes....going back to stage 1 meant her eyes were healing themselves, and that's great! He drew a picture of how much farther she had to go to reach zone 3 developmentally....and really it's not too far. Hopefully the next eye-exam on Monday will show mature eyes.

So for sure she's not coming home this week....which is a bummer, but in a way I think it's one of God's tender mercies, a blessing in disguise. It allows time for my Lautala to get rid of her cough and runny nose, and to get better so baby Katea won't be at risk for being around her. So, as much as I was sad to hear it wouldn't be this week....I was really happy and relieved that I didn't have to have that stress of trying to keep them away from each other at home! There's ALWAYS a positive side to every situation....I choose to focus on that! :-) Here's to hoping that my kids at home get better and my baby in the hospital will progress.....in time for her to come home NEXT week!

Possible Set-back

2012-01-30T02:16:00.000-07:00

Today baby Katea had a bradicardic episode. :-( She has to go 7 days without any episodes before she can come home....so technically that would mean she has to start the countdown over again. We were so excited thinking she might be able to come home on Thursday.....but now it could be pushed back until Monday. I say "could be" because they're questioning whether they're going to count it or not. They are taking into consideration that she's been getting her 4 month immunizations and she hasn't been able to poop for a few days so she's been bearing down a lot....just a couple things that could have caused her to have an episode, making it not totally just because she's a preemie and has immature lungs, meaning not totally her fault. I have mixed feelings about whether they should count it or not too........not counting it means she still could come home on Thursday.....but then again if she's not ready, I'm terrified for her to come home. Tough choice. We decided to leave it up to the Neonatalogist to decided tomorrow morning in rounds. As much as I want her to come home, I really want her to be ready. Her nurse Meredith has this term "running to heaven" when she refers to her bradicardic events. Just because having an event consists of her not breathing and her heart rate dropping significantly (like she's dying)......please baby girl, no more "running to heaven"......your sister is already there, just stay here with mommy!

Today she hit 8lbs.11oz. and she grew 2 centimeters in length and now measures 21 1/2 inches long. She's so big! I bet she'll be 9lbs. before she comes home! It's funny because when I first had her and she was only 1 pound. I told the nurses that she needed to be at least 8 or 9 pounds before I took her home because I wouldn't know what to do with a baby that's smaller than that. All my older 3 were at least 9 pounds. They all just laughed at me and told me she'd probably be around 5 pounds when she goes home. Guess I must have wished too hard! Haha

She's doing really well though, and I really am proud of her! As she gets closer to home, I've been getting more and more emotional. I've kind of become accustomed to the NICU life....going to the hospital everyday, talking with all the nurses, making friends....I know I've been saying I can't wait to bring her home, but at the same time I really am going to miss all the friends I've made there. Ova laughs everytime we go because I know everybody by name, and I have conversations with the nurses, other NICU parents, RT's and just anyone I run into from the time we start scrubbing in until we get to baby's room. I'm going to miss that! Just tonight my sister Leslie and I were hanging out with baby Katea and one of the nurses that took care of her a few days ago stopped by to see how she was doing, and to talk to me. Her name is Katie and she's so sweet. I totally started crying when she stopped by....just gonna miss all the love and friendship me and my baby gets from EVERYONE at the NICU. They are amazing people and I really LOVE them!

Tomorrow will tell if it will be Thursday or if we have to start the countdown again. That is, of course, assuming she'll pass her eye exam. We're at the last of it....the bitter end....can't believe it's been 4 months. My life has definitely been changed. I am blessed!

4 Months

2012-01-28T02:33:00.017-07:00

I thought for her 4 month birthday post I'd do a comparison post. Just to show how much she has grown and progressed in the 4 months she's been alive. Her growth and progress is so amazing and she's come so far. She's pretty much quadrupled her size and weight, and she's doing so well! I'm so grateful for her nurses for getting her to where she's at. She's perfect. She's amazing!

1 Week - 2 Months - 4 Months

1 Month 4 Months

1 Week 4 Months

Happy 4 Month Birthday my dear sweet baby Katea! You've made amazing progress, I'm so proud of you...... you'll be home really soon! I love you!

Almost there!

2012-01-26T02:17:00.004-07:00

Today was the big day.....the day of the eye exam.

I was a nervous wreck for some reason. I didn't really sleep all night. I don't usually go to sleep until the wee hours of the morning anyway, but last night was worse. It was 4am and I was still awake. Everyone in my house was dead asleep. I decided to turn off my computer, turn off the tv and try to go to sleep. That didn't work. I laid in the complete darkness, just crying....thinking about my baby girl. I really don't know why I was being so dramatic....I'd never really acted like that before. I guess that's where I'm really blessed....I get somewhat of an escape from the stress of the NICU, because life at home is crazy and I have a husband and 3 kids at home to keep me busy and occupy my mind. I think that's how I stay sane, being able to not have to think about the NICU 24-7 (even though it really never leaves my mind). I just kept thinking about how she's 4 months old tomorrow. And even though the time has gone by relatively fast.....it has been so long and I just want her to come home already.

She spent Halloween in the NICU
She spent Thanksgiving in the NICU
She spent Christmas in the NICU
She spent New Years in the NICU
She spent her 1st, 2nd, 3rd and will spend her 4th month birthday there.....

I guess at that time I was laying in the darkness crying to myself last night, I was just tired. I ended up falling asleep at about 6am, only to wake up at 740am to get Makai ready for school....and I never really went back to sleep after that. I woke up still crying, and staring at the clock. I had been told that Dr. Larson, the optimologist, would be there at 9am to do the eye-exam. I called the nurse before 9am and asked her to PLEASE get more specific answers from the optimologist. For the last few eye-exams he's been saying she's a zone 2 developmentally, and stage 2 ROP. I wanted to know if she was at least almost at a zone 3, or if she was still far away. I didn't want just a broad answer of zone 2. She assured me she would get the clarification and that she would call me right after the exam. That was it, that was all I could do....I had prayed, cried, begged....and all I had left to do was wait for the results.

9 o'clock came and went....10 o'clock, 11 o'clock......seriously??!! No call. Ova and I ended up going into the NICU and my heart was pounding. I had been really emotional all morning (probably a mix of anticipation and lack of sleep) and I had that knot in my throat. I'd pretty much decided that I was going to cry either way. If her eyes were developed, I would cry because I was happy.....if her eyes weren't developed I would cry sad tears. It didn't really turn out how I expected. We walked into her room and there was a paper sitting on her table. It was the notes from rounds from that morning. On the top was written:

Almost zone 3
Follow-up in 1 week
When at zone 3, ok to go home with oxygen

Then her nurse walked in and said in a very happy voice "did you hear the great news?" She proceeded to tell me that Dr. Larson said she is so so close to zone 3.....he even said it was so close he could smell it! The happy and excited attitude of her nurse took that knot out of my throat and I didn't even cry (shocker!)....just another example of why I LOVE the NICU nurses!! Even though it wasn't the best news....it was good news because it meant she has made progress and we are so close! My attitude changed and I was so happy! Dr. Larson also said that her ROP is already getting better! Such a good sign!

Another HUGE bit of good news. They weined her oxygen! They had been writing in her orders that she doesn't tolerate less than 1 liter of flow....but when I was talking to Anjanette about it the other night, we realized that they never really ever tried going less than a liter. We can't rightfully say she doesn't tolerate it if we never let her try. So yesterday they turned her down to 3/4 liter......and she did so well with that that today she went down to 1/2 liter! HUGE PROGRESS!!

Basically all we're waiting for is next Wednesday's eye-exam (hoping she's at a zone 3)
and
That she goes 7 days without any bradicardic episodes (she's on day 3 now)

That could mean that potentially she'll be able to come home as early as next week. I can't believe it! Her lung disease has definitely been a huge struggle....but I am SO SO SO grateful that that really is her ONLY struggle! Way to go my little fighter, you're amazing and I love you so much!

Confidence is good, right?!!

2012-01-24T23:02:00.000-07:00

So I woke up the other morning and I heard Latala talking to herself. She was talking quietly, almost as if she was trying to hide something. When she gets really quiet, it usually means she's getting into trouble....but this time was a little different. I got out of bed only to find her at the end of the bed staring at herself in the my mirror....she was making all these little kissy faces to herself and saying "Tala so butiful" It was the cutest thing! I asked her "Tala, what are you doing?" She smiled big and showed me the mirror and said "Mommy, Tala butiful".....then she went back to looking at herself in the mirror. I just had to grab my camera and take a picture of her. She's so fie'lelei!

My picture taking didn't stop her from admiring how pretty she is......ummm, I think we've instilled that into her little head pretty well....lol. She is our pretty little princess and we tell her ALL THE TIME! Lol.

When I got to the hospital that afternoon, I walked into baby Katea's room and what was she doing?? She was staring at herself in the mirror! haha We bought her this cute little alligator mirror that plays music, and it hangs on the side of her crib. Since she's getting so much older, she really enjoys listening to the music and looking at herself in the mirror. Stacey was her nurse that day and said that Katea was being so funny....she was wide awake, and super content just staring at herself in the mirror, and she was even smiling at herself. The music was playing and she was looking at herself....then when the music stopped she started getting fussy. As soon as we turned the music back on, she calmed down and just went right on staring at herself. We were joking that we know she can see, because she stares at herself all the time ....and we know she can hear because she gets irritated when the music stops. Lol!

Needless to say, I have two little divas who think they are just so beautiful and like to stare at themselves in the mirror all day long. Confidence is good right??!! :-) At least it's innocent and cute at this young age, I think?!! haha

Crossing my Fingers

2012-01-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

This week is a BIG week for baby Katea and for our little family.

First off, my baby girl hit 8lbs!! Can't believe she's gained almost 7lbs. in almost 4 months! She's so chubby now, she has the fattest little cheeks (both ends) and her once chicken legs are filling in quite well! We actually had to move her up to a size 1 diaper because she's getting so many rolls around her upper thighs! haha I was going through all the little keepsakes I kept for her since she's been born and I was trippin at the diapers I've kept....I just had to line them up to take a picture so you could see how big her little bum has gotten...lol! And the biggest diaper in this picture is only a preemie diaper...she's grown out of newborn and is into size 1!!!

Wednesday is her next eye-exam....the results if her eyes are mature, mean she could come home! If they are not....it's 2 more weeks for sure! Crossing my fingers and praying for developed eyes! Usually eyes are one of the last things to develop....since baby Katea was born so early, her eyes still haven't matured. Since she'll have to go home on oxygen, we NEED her eyes to develop. She cannot go home on oxygen if her eyes are not developed because high amounts of oxygen dialate and damage the blood vessels in the back of the eye and could cause blindness. The oxygen she gets in the NICU is blended oxygen, the oxygen I will have to take her home with is 100% oxygen. Please eyes, be developed! As much as I love the NICU staff here, and especially the nurses......4 months is a LONG time to be in the hospital, and I just want to take my baby home!

Thursday is her 4 month birthday! I can't believe it's been that long. Honestly, it's gone by pretty quickly....but coming to the hospital every single day, sometimes twice a day is getting old, and I'm getting tired. I just want to take my baby home!

Today when I got here, she was wide awake and super content laying in her crib. She wasn't fussy at all, she was just looking around everywhere. I picked her up to hold her and I talked to her for a little while. She had more control of her eyes now, and sometimes I think she really sees me and is looking at me when I talk to her. She was staring at the wall behind me and I was wondering what she was looking at. I turned around to look and saw the posters we made of her brothers and sister. She was looking at them. I started talking to her about her brothers and sisters and telling her how they can't wait for her to come home. The last time her brothers saw her, she was still in her incubator....it was back in November! And her older sister hasn't even met her yet. Lautala knows that I go to the hopsital everyday to see baby Katea, and she says her name whenever I show her pictures....but I don't think she realizes that it's her little sister and that she's coming home to be with us forever!

The NNP today was Terri, she's so sweet and I love it when she's on because she's so positive and she ALWAYS takes time to come sit in the room with me for a little while, telling me what the plans are and how baby is doing. Today she gave me some really good news! She said that she had been calling around to see if they could send baby Katea home on 1 liter of oxygen. Usually the protocol is that they have to be on less than 1/2 liter to go home....but baby still NEEDS 1 liter.....with anything less, she brady's and de-sats like crazy. She was telling me that if she was only 2 months, they wouldn't even think about it, but she's 4 months old. She'll do better at home....she'll grow better at home, so they got approval that IF.....and that's a BIG FAT IF.... her eyes are mature she can go home on 1 liter! Wow, we're so close! The only other thing that would keep her from going home is her bradicardic episodes. She has to go 7 days, 1 full week without having any. She just had one today. :-( I had the nurses check and unfortunatly she's never gone a full week without any. She has gone 6 days, and then had one on the morning of the 7th day. It's just another struggle we have to deal with. Her eyes and her episodes are what's keeping her here at the hospital. The good news is her episodes are few and farther between than before....so that's progress.....but 7 days is what we need! Studies show that if a baby can go 7 days without any episodes, they usually won't have anymore. 7 days!

I love how loved my baby girl is! It's really comforting to me to see how many people really care about her...how many nurses and RT's stop by her room just to see how she's doing, even if they're not assigned to take care of her. I love it when I walk into her room and her nurse is holding her or playing on the floor mat with her. She's such a good baby, she really never cries unless she's hungry....which is rare for a preemie who's been through so much trauma....I'm told that the majority of them are irritated and hard to calm. Not my baby girl, she's such a good girl! We've been in the NICU for a long time, and she's made so many friends! I love it! Just today while I was talking to Terri, Jen the developmental specialist walked in to check on her. She sat and talked with me for a while and then she made a comment to baby Katea "you're so big, and so beautiful....if your mom wasn't here, I'd totally snuggle with you for a little bit".....I laughed and told her she could hold her. It was so cute because I passed her to Jen and she snuggled her for a little bit while I just sat across from her. She is so loved and I am so grateful!

People always ask me how I'm doing, and I'm hanging in there. I'm tired, I won't lie, but I'm hanging in there. My little miracle is amazing. She's so strong and has so much fight. I find my strength from her. Thank you baby Katea for fighting so hard, for being so strong and for showing your mommy that everything is going to be ok! I love you! Crossing my fingers and toes that we'll get good news on Wednesday!

Torture or Therapy??

2012-01-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading a friends blog the other day.....she is a NICU mom of a 23 weeker. She's an amazing and strong woman, and her daughter...a true miracle. She posted a couple links to stories of other families who have had preemies or kids with rare diseases. I read both the articles and bawled my eyes out the whole time I was reading them......and for quite a long time afterwards. These stories tug hard at my heart strings and I feel like somewhat, in some small way....I know exactly what they are feeling.

One of the links was an obituary. It was titled "Our little Superman". It was for a little boy, 5 years old who had passed away due to a heart issue. He was a preemie, born at 24 weeks. He spent 9 months in the hospital after he was born, but he was a happy and normal kid at home. He was fun and loving...never complained.....and he loved his brother and playing with his iPad. This story hit so close to home and even though I don't know him, I feel connected to him. I can't even imagine.

Lately I've been finding myself surfing the internet. Sometimes I google search or look for other blogs or stories that parent's have written about their NICU experiences. I've found a lot, actually, and I can spend hours upon hours reading their experiences and seeing what they're going through, how they cope, their outlook on their situations...how their faith comes into play. All situations are different, none are the same......finding other stories fascinate me! This whole NICU experience has shown me a whole new world that I didn't even know existed. It's a very special world, with miraculous kids, patient and strong parents....loving and kind medical staff...and all different kinds of outcomes.

Not all stories I find have happy endings....like little Superman who lived for 5 years, but recently passed away. But I still like to read them.

As we were driving home from the hospital last night, I brought up the stories to Ova. I almost couldn't even tell him the story because I was crying so hard....he got a little emotional too, just because little Superman and baby Katea started their stories the same. He told me I should stop reading those things. He doesn't understand why I want to read them....why I want to make myself cry.....why torture myself? I don't see it like that. We both handle our experience very differently. He is strong and only sees the positive. He hates hearing other people's experiences, especially if they don't have a happy ending. He just wants to focus on our baby girl, how far she's come, and how well she's doing. I, on the other hand like meeting and talking to other NICU mom's. I love sharing my story (even though I cry the whole time) and I love hearing other people's stories. Of course my heart breaks at the struggles, the steps backwards, the sad endings.....but those situations are real, and they happen to real people. I don't see it as torture, I see it as my way to cope. Finding other people who have been where I'm at right now....people who have struggled, cried, worried, stressed, celebrated and rejoiced....helps me feel like I'm not alone. Theses amazingly strong mothers give me strength and hope. They strengthen my testimony. Some of the stories I come across make me grateful......grateful that my baby girl is doing so well. I've been able to read and see some of the many things that could have gone wrong with her....but they didn't....that in itself is a miracle! I can't help but think of the little boy who was born around the same time my baby Katea....same gestation and everything...who didn't make it. I think of parents who have to deal with the unknown of the future....if their kids will ever walk, or talk....if they will have to outlive their kids.....if their kids will have full lives, or if some complications of being a preemie will hinder them. I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about those things....and in a way, I feel guilty about it. I know that sounds crazy, but I don't have to worry about those severe things that other parent's have to.....all I'm worrying about is whether my baby Katea will have asthma, or have to wear glasses. It doesn't seem fair, but it does make me realize how blessed I am, and how grateful I need to be.

I find a lot of strength and comfort in my religion. In the power of the priesthood and the blessings both me and my daughter have received. I find comfort in knowing that my family is forever, and even though my baby Katea's twin sister didn't make it....she's in heaven and we'll be with her again. I wish so bad that I could share that hope with some of these families who stories I read. There are a lot of them who feel lost and hopeless....angry and questioning why? I don't know why, but I don't question it either. Someone once said to me "you are a strong person, that's why God trusted you with your precious little miracle".....I believe that. I don't think I'm strong, and in fact, I'm probably the biggest crybaby ever....but it's amazing how even though you don't think you can handle it.....you do. I would have never thought in a million years I would be able to handle something like this, but I am. I have to. I want to. I can! I can only hope and pray that someone else in my situation, maybe right now or maybe down the road, will stumble across my blog and find strength and hope from me....like I do from so many others!

Blessed

2012-01-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, not to long after baby Katea was born, Ova and I had this converstation. He asked me if I wanted to bless baby at the hospital. I was quiet and didn't respond at first....a million things were running thorough my mind. I was thinking yes, and then no, and then yes.....and then I just started crying. It's funny because even though I had that converstation silently in my mind, Ova knew exactly what I was thinking. Yes, I did want to bless her, give her a name and a blessing that would help her continue to fight and grow and overcome all the obstacles she will face.....but at the same time No. No because some small part of me thought that if we blessed her in the hospital, instead of waiting until she came home, it might mean that we think she won't make it home. It sounds stupid and silly, I know.....but the feelings were real and I just didn't want to think about that, especially since we had just buried Cindy's little body. We talked about it for a little while and went back and forth between yes and no. Basically he was feeling and thinking the exact same things I was, and our final decision that day was to wait at least until she got out of her incubator, when people can actually touch her.....and then we'd talk about it again.

She's been in an open crib now for almost 2 months. Even though it's been on my mind since the day she got out of her incubator, the conversation never came up. One day, a few days ago, when baby Katea wasn't having the best day.....I had an overwhelming feeling that she NEEDED her blessing. She has done so amazingly well, she's overcome so many things and grown so much, but I felt like she needed that extra little push to help her out, keep her going, and to get her home. I talked to Ova about it, and we talked to our Dad's and we decided we we would do it on Sunday January 15th.

The NICU limits visitors to only 3 people in the room at one time, and one of those 3 has to be the parent, but they make special exceptions when it comes to blessings. You can have as many people as you want for a blessing, the only stipulation was that nobody could be sick....no coughs, no runny noses, no itchy throats....and nobody in their houses could be sick........and they couldn't be in there too long. I think that was one of the things that had me hung up on whether we should do it in the hospital, or waiting until she came home, I had a really strong feeling that our families needed to be a part of it. Hearing that they would allow more than just the 3 visitors made me so happy. I obviously wasn't going to invite a ton of people....that would just be crazy, but we are polynesian and we have BIG families....all we wanted was our Bishop, our dad's and our brothers......and that's exactly who we had. It was perfect!

My father-in-law gave the blessing. It was beautiful and I cried the whole time. He blessed every single part of her body....and he named them one by one as he blessed them. He talked about how she was a blessing, a miracle, and the way she came into this world was a lesson.....a lesson for her grandparents, her cousins, her aunts and uncles.....but especially for her parents. He blessed that through her our testimonies would be strengthened and our faith would grow. It was a beautiful blessing and the spirit in that little hospital room was so strong.

I always thought she'd be ok. But now I KNOW in my heart that she will be ok.

So grateful for the Power of the Priesthood and for worthy priesthood holders who surround me all around. And I'm so grateful for my precious baby girl....a miracle, a blessing, a lesson! I've already learned so much from her in the almost 4 months she's been here. I'm grateful, I'm blessed!

Our princess is blessed.....and so are we!

Only the men giving the blessing were in the room during the blessing, and then after it was done everyone had to go out and we followed the rules of only 3 visitors in the room at a time. She had A LOT of visitors and A LOT of love that day. People came in groups of 2, and everyone that had been waiting for so long to meet and kiss her, finally got their chance. It was a very special and very memorable day. The Power of the Priesthood and family is all we need! :-)

Grampa & Gramma Fangupo and Gramma & Grampa Makai

Uncle Misi Pou Uncle Safi

Uncle Misi Uncle Daniel

Uncle Patrick & Aunty Leslie

Aunty Pola Aunty Lexi

Aunty Marie Aunty Leka

Over-Eater

2012-01-18T02:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of a little baby that's been put on a diet? A little baby that's only almost 4 months old? I just think my baby Katea might be the first one! Hahaha

On Saturday, she got her feeding tube taken out....and the plan was to let her eat as much as she wanted, until she was full....and then to let her sleep as long as she wanted. She's old enough now to make her own schedule....the only stipulation was that she had to meet a minimum of 220mls in a 12 hour period. She had no problems at all eating.....and in fact, she shocked everyone at how quickly she picked up on it and how she just took right off. She actually ended up eating close to 400mls....WAY over her minimum. The Dr's, NNP's and nurses said they have never seen a 25 weeker pick up so quickly on feeding....she is amazing! She was eating like 100mls or 110mls at once, and then she'd sleep for like 4-5 hours.

When I got to the hospital on Sunday, Stacey was her nurse. She came and gave me the updates of how baby had done so far that day. She told me that they noticed her oxygen saturations were all over the place and she would yo-yo a lot while she was sleeping. She self-resolved all of them, but yo-yo'ing was not good for her lungs or her eyes....and after analyzing the few hours she was sleeping after eating the 110mls, she would de-sat and recover about 30% of the time. That was a lot! Stacey decided to try a little experiment on her and the next time she woke up, she limited her feeding to only 80mls. Baby Katea still got full off the 80mls and she still slept really well....and there was a significant improvement on her oxygen saturations. She went from yo-yo'ing 30% of the time to only 18%, and she didn't reflux as much. Because of those findings, the NNP changed her orders to say that she is not allowed to eat more than 80mls in one sitting. Her problem was that she just kept eating...even after she was full....and that made her little stomach so full that her lungs didn't quite have enough room to expand fully, and it was eaiser for the food to come back up. They took the minimum of 220mls a shift and changed it to a maximum of 240mls a shift. Hahaha what a little fatso.

Who's an over-eater??........................I am! I am! Haha

Limiting her to 80mls seemed to be helping quite a bit, and she's still been gaining a lot of weight and growing a lot in length. Yesterday she weighed 3490 grams, which is 7lbs. 11oz. and she's now 20 1/2 inches long. Because she's growing so well, they changed the formula for her feedings again. They were able to take away a lot of the additives. She's not getting the benaprotein anymore...they stopped the microlipids and changed it to Similac Special Care concentrate and they're only fortifying her milk to 24 calories again instead of 27. Those are HUGE steps in the right direction and we're so happy!

She can eat the whole time without coughing or gagging, she's got the suck, swallow breathe thing down really well. But after a couple minutes of letting the food sit in her stomach, she always refluxes and coughs and gags....which sometimes is so bad that she holds her breath and de-sats and brady's. She bubbles at the mouth a lot. Reflux sucks! The Neo, NNP, nurse, dietician, developmental specialist, RT and me all met in her little room yesterday. We were trying to come up with a solution to her reflux. Before, they would thicken the milk with a powder called SimplyThick.....it worked perfectly because it was still easy to swallow, and when it got to your stomach it stayed thick so that it wouldn't get refluxed back up. The only problem with that is that SimplyThick got recalled due to a bacteria found in it. It was recently recalled, so they were still trying to figure out what the next best thing would be. They called Primary Children's and LDS and Utah Valley hospitals to see what they were using....it seemed that they all were having the same problems. There were several options to use, but they only worked in formula....everything they talked about would have only stayed thick for about 30 minutes in breastmilk...and that would have totally defeated the purpose of staying thick and weighing down the milk in her stomach. The two things they came down to were rice cereal or bananas. The rice cereal was ruled out because in order to keep it thick on breastmilk, you would have to add way too much. Bananas were the best option...the only downfall to that was introducing food too early could cause food allergies. But, it really was our only option. The NNP wrote the order for the bananas (which is just 3mls of Gerber Banana baby food to 10mls of breastmilk) and also ordered a swallow study just to make sure she's not silently aspirating her food.

The swallow study was today.....to be honest, I was really nervous for this test. The results, if she was aspirating, would have meant huge steps backwards....they would have had to stop feeding her through her mouth again, and re-do the NJ tube. I was trying to think positively.....hoping and praying that she was NOT silently aspirating. Baby Katea had a whole entourage of people going with her to the test. Jen the developmental specialist, another developmental specialist from LDS hospital, Ashlee the NNP, Bear the RT.....and me. When we went to the Upper GI, it was just Jen and me....so having this many people go this time made me really nervous. The swallow study consisited of two different tests. The first one was just the milk she's been drinking.....and the second one was with the bananas added. They did have to add some berium(the dye), but because of how bad she reacted to it last time, they used a very minimal amount. They fed her as she laid under an x-ray machine and they watched how she sucked and swallowed....and watched to see if it was going down the right tube into her stomach, or if she was getting some in her lungs. Thankfully, she WAS NOT aspirating.....and actually they said she had a perfect sucking and swallowing pattern. Whew! What a relief! That meant we get to keep moving forward.....and it means closer to home! Yay! All we're really waiting for now is for her eyes to develop, and her oxygen to go down a little more. Wow, we're so close! There is a light at the end of this NICU tunnel, and I can actually see it. What a ride....what a rollercoaster....what a learning experience.....we are blessed!

Pushing Baby Katea in her crib to Radiology

Jen mixing the berium & bananas w/ my breastmilk

Getting all set up for her swallow study

She looks so tiny on the big bed under the big x-ray machine

I had to watch behind the wall through the window

Precious Momento

2012-01-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

This little Elmo was given to us by the NICU staff. It's the same size baby Katea was when she was born! She has doubled, almost tripled in size since she's been born. She is amazing.....and so are her nurses for getting her to where she is today!

780 grams when born = 1lb.12oz.

3410 grams today = 7lbs.8 1/2oz.

12 inches when born

19 1/4 inches today

I'm so happy I have this little Elmo doll....I'm going to keep it forever! When she's grown and older and regular sized, it will always remind me of how tiny she was, how far she had to come....and it will always remind me that miracles do happen, and she is one!

Leaps and Bounds

2012-01-15T01:41:00.000-07:00

January 13th, 2011 January 14th, 2011

These two pictures were taken a day apart...can you tell what's different between the two?

Can you see what's missing?? (Not her hair bow)

Look closely at her right nostrel in the picture on the left....and then in the picture on the right....

She has no more feeding tube!!

Whoo-hoo!

It's amazing how much more you can see her face with just that little orange tube, and tape on her cheek gone. All she has now is the oxygen! :-)

That means that in the week since she started eating through her mouth, she has skipped through all the stages with flying colors and is officially feeding-tube free! They introduced food to her mouth last Saturday, and it's like she had been waiting for it the whole time. She needed a little help remembering to breathe after she sucks and swallows....but it didn't take her long at all to catch on....and once she did, she took right off! Everyone is so impressed with how well she did, and at how much she is actually eating! Haha.

Just yesterday they still had her on a schedule where she had to eat a certain amount every 3 hours, but last night they did a trial run on her, where they let her eat as much as she wanted until she's full....and then they let her sleep as long as she wanted. They calculated a minimum amount that she absolutely had to meet in a 12 hour period....that amount was 220mls.....she ate over 300mls. Haha

Because she did so well through the night, and she slept well too, they decided to take the feeding tube out this morning! Yay! This morning Stacey had her, and when we got there at 2pm she had already eaten 190mls. She has no problems meeting her minimum 220! Tonight, when I was there, she was eating...she ate 100mls in one sitting! Let's just say she's established in her eating and passed with flying colors!

We heard that eating was one of the hardest things for preemie baby's to learn to do. Learning to suck, swallow and breathe doesn't come very naturally to them. I was imagining it would take a few weeks for her to get it down. She's amazing! Leaps and Bounds she's taking.....so much progress!

Happy Birthday Princess

2012-01-14T03:01:00.000-07:00

She is the biggest Momma's girl ever

She's way to smart for her age

She's bossy

She's sweet

She's a little monster at times (a lot of the times)

She thinks she's older than her brothers

She loves to help clean

She has her daddy wrapped around her little fingers

She does something wrong and then gives a little angel, innocent look to get out of trouble

She's so independent and wants to do everything by herself

She's eats too much candy

She talks a lot

She knows her alphabet

She LOVES to dance

She acts shy to all guys, but if they give her food or candy, she usually warms up

She loves her older brothers

She's beautiful

She loves to go anywhere with mommy, and mommy loves to take her

She's my little princess and

I LOVE her with all my heart!

AND

She just turned

2!!

Happy Happy Birthday Lautala!

We LOVE you so so so much!

Fun Stuff First!

2012-01-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

I got at text message from baby Katea's nurse Anjanette on 1/6/2012 @ about 1am....here's how the conversation went:

Anjanette: Hi, it's Anjanette and I hope u r not actually asleep this time, but wanted to let u know I was taking pictures of Katea and her boots and somebody decided to roll over. I know, crazy. Well u did not miss it I got it on the camera. U will see tomorrow.

Me: What? R u serious? Hahaha that's awesome! Way to go baby girl! Can't wait to see that footage!

Anjanette: It is awesome

Me: Hahahaha now if she can just breathe...haha

Anjanette: That's our next goal

Me: A little out of order, but it's all good! Haha tell her she better do it again tomorrow when I'm there :-)

Anjanette: Fun stuff first. I will have a talk with her but u know she's a little stubborn

Me: Yes, I know...lol

Anjanette has made so many cute things for baby Katea...she's definitely spoiled by her! The latest thing she made were these pink boots. I love them, they are so cute! They are fuzzy and have two big buttons on the sides. Ajanette was doing a little photoshoot with Katea to show them off....I was so excited to go to the hospital the next day to see the pictures.....when I got there, she had already made a scrapbook page for me. I must say, it was a proud mommy moment for me, even if it was just a one time freak accident....haha! She was laying on her stomach kicking around and she kicked so hard that she flipped herself over. That's my girl! :-)

More Updates

2012-01-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

Tuesday January 10th
Since she's been on the regular nasal canula, she's been doing amazingly well! Her Fi02 has been stable between 27-31% and she's hasn't yo-yo'd too much on her oxygen saturations. Because she's doing so well and she's not on the high flow anymore, the focus right now is on her getting her feedings down, and working with her developmentally. They want her to have tummy time and to practice moving her head around to strengthen her neck muscles....they brought this mat into her room, and we get to lay her on it whenever she's wide awake enough to have tummy time. Tuesday was the first day using it, and she was so cute....she looked like she was swimming kicking her feet and moving her head back and forth....she lasted for a few minutes before she started getting frustrated and started sucking on the blanket she was laying on.....she was hungry! haha :-)

When preemies get to the feeding stage, they usually have to follow a specific schedule. There are different stages....and before the baby is able to move from one stage to another, they have to meet certain requirements.

Stage 1:
Baby gets to eat 1 feeding by mouth (breast or bottle) per shift...so twice a day. When the baby can tolerate both those feedings for two days straight, and gain weight...they get to move on to the next stage.

Stage 2:
Baby gets to eat 2 feedings by mouth per shift....four times a day. After two days of tolerating it and gaining weight....they get to move on.

Stage 3.....3 times a shift.....6 times a day....

Stage 4.....every feeding is by mouth.

A full feeding is either the total volume by bottle, or 10+ minutes on the breast. If the baby doesn't finish the bottle, or goes less than 10 minutes....they get the rest pumped into their stomach. They've figured it out down to a science to make sure these little ones make progress while still getting their full nutrition. It was kind of confusing trying to figure out which stage baby Katea would fall under because she's so old (being past her due date) yet at the same time this was the first couple days she ever ate through her mouth. The nurses and NNP's were actually amazed at how well she was doing, she picked up so quick on the eating thing...and it seemed like she was loving it. She would wake up frantic looking for her food...rooting to both sides looking for something to eat. I just laughed because I knew she wouldn't have any problems eating. We always told the nurses she would sail through the feeding stages because hey, she's a Fangupo...and eating is what we do best! haha The NNP suggested that we let her eat, but she wasn't completely clear on how often she could eat by mouth and how often she still had to be pumped. The nurses asked for some clarification and the NNP wrote it out on her orders.....she can have ALL her feedings by mouth, as tolerated when she's awake and alert! Wow, she went from never eating through her mouth to being able to take all her feedings by mouth in just a couple days.....skipped right over all the stages!! haha Good job baby girl! Now she just has to eat every meal by mouth for two days straight, and gain weight....and then they can take her feeding tube out and no more pumped meals! Yay! Gramma Cindy and Leka came by to visit today. That was the first time Aunty Leka got to hold her!

Wednesday January 11th
When I got to the hospital, she had just had her eye exam. The results were not worse, but not what we wanted to hear either. They hadn't changed at all....for good or bad. She was still at a zone 2 developmentally and stage 2 of ROP. Since there was no change, the optimologist won't do another eye-exam until 2 more weeks. That just bought us 2 more weeks at the hospital for sure. :-( That means she'll spend her 4 month birthday there too. :-( It's ok though! Most likely she'll have to go home on oxygen....and since oxygen is what can damage the eyes.....she either has to be completely off oxygen, or her eyes have to develop before she can go home. Praying her eyes will develop within the next two weeks! As far as her eating on Wednesday, she did really well again. She didn't take all her meals by mouth, just because she was sleeping sometimes and not awake enough to concentrate. And because baby Katea took a little while to get organized and to remember to suck, swallow then breathe.....once she got a hang of it, her nurse made me stop breastfeeding because she had reached the time limit....and she pumped the rest into her stomach. Boo! Anjanette was back at night and she let me feed her until she was full. She lasted 25 minutes, and we did the test weight thing again....she gained 78grams. Whoo-hoo! One way they know the baby has had enough, is if they sleep good after the feeding.....she slept so good! Yay I was able to fill her up!

Thursday January 12th
Today was a pretty low-key day. Baby Katea ate all her meals by mouth except one. And that's becuase she was dead asleep! Every day she's getting better and better! Good job baby girl, I'm proud of you!

Updates

2012-01-13T02:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, a lot has happened in the few days I haven't blogged. A LOT! A lot of progress for baby Katea, a lot of huge steps forward!

Saturday January 7th
Baby had a good day. That was the day I got to start breastfeeding her, and she did really really well! That was also the day she was able to kick the high flow and switch over to just the regular nasal canula! I blogged already about what happened on the 7th, because that was the day her and her twin sister were actually due. I did forget to mention in my last post though that she had visitors that day....her Uncle Misi and Aunty Pola stopped by to see her, and got to hold her for the very first time!

Sunday January 8th

This was Lautala's 2 birthday. (Another post) Baby Katea had a good day, she was pretty sleepy all day long. I wasn't able to make it to the hospital to be with her until later in the evening, so she was just pump fed all day until I was there to breastfeed her. She struggled a lot feeding this time....it was difficult for her to coordinate the suck, swallow breathe concept....and she coughed and gagged quite a bit. She would suck, suck, suck.....hold it in the back of her throat....swallow, and forget to breathe....so she'd end up having a bradicardic event. I felt like I was drowning her, and I didn't have any control over it. Not fun! We ended up having to stop to let her recover...and eventually just stopped all together. She wasn't awake enough to focus on what she was doing, so she ended up getting that meal pumped into her stomach as well. Sunday she hit 7lbs.1oz!! Can't believe she's gained almost 6lbs. in the 3 1/2 months she's been alive. She's amazing! Oh, and she had some visitors again on Sunday....The relief society president (her Aunty) Tina and her counselor Sela Toki....and her Aunty Alisi.

Monday January 9th

Monday was a scary day. I got to the hospital and Stacey had told me they had just done an echo cardiogram.....I just assumed it was to check if the PDA was closed, but then I heard that they were checking her heart because she had mild PPHN. ?? That was the first I'd ever heard about her having any issues with her heart besides the PDA opening again. I was scared. They ordered an EKG to check the rythum of her heart, and some bloodwork. They mentioned something about a murmur or a small aorta, or something like that....I didn't really understand....but it definitely worried me. The nurse came in to do the EKG and I can't believe how many little monitors they had her hooked up to.

Stacey drew some blood from her little foot.....the lab said they wanted more to confirm the results they found. Stacey had to draw some more. The lab said she didn't draw enough the second time around so they asked for some more. How irritating that they couldn't just use all the blood they'd already gotten! Don't they know they can't take huge amounts from these small babies.....anyways, the lab ended up sending someone down to get more blood themselves and it took the 2 hours to fill the vile. Poor baby :-(

I was a lot worried about all the tests....why were they doing all of them all the sudden? ....had something happened that made them worry? What was really going on? I started asking questions, and Stacey had the NNP come in and talk to me. She calmed my nerves a lot and told me not to worry. They didn't see anything that alarmed them or made them worry, they were just taking precautionary measures to check her heart because what they have noticed is that preemie babies tend to develop heart issues later on in life, and they now check all preemies to see if they see any signs that they can treat before any issues occur. Thankfully all the tests, the blood work and the EKG came back completely normal AND her PDA closed!! Yay! Her little heart is perfect!

Monday was actually a really busy day for her. Besides all the heart scares, we decided to have the developmental specialist come in and try to bottle feed her. That would have been the first time for her to drink out of a bottle. They usually would just only let her breastfeed for the first few days, but since she latches on so well....and I had worries about drowing her, we decided to try the bottle....with a very slow flow nipple....and the ability to see how much she was getting and to pace her by tipping the bottle out of her mouth if she sucked and swallowed to much and forgot to breathe. They put her full feeding in the bottle 51ml and the developmental/speech therapist Jen fed her. She would let her suck 5-6 times and then tip the bottle so she could breathe....after she took a few breaths, she would tip it back in to let her suck....the tipped it out to let her breathe again...over and over again. Baby Katea did so well with the bottle, and because she was being paced by Jen, she didn't brady or even desat once. Yay! She drank 41 of the 51mls in the bottle, and got the other 10 pumped into her stomach! Yay for eating with her mouth, and yay for doing such a good job at it!

Her first time drinking a bottle...with Jen...and Stacey

She cannot soley breastfeed....she has to have some bottles, because she still needs the fortification and protein added. So we were thinking of doing every other one. We were a little unsure about how the feedings were going to work because we weren't sure how much volume she was really getting. In order to get somewhat of an idea of how much milk she was really getting, they did a test weight. What that means is that they weigh her right before breastfeeding, and again right after...and if she gained any weight, the amount of grams gained would equal the amount of mls taken in. It's not an exact science, and who really knows how accurate it is....but what it does tell is if the baby gains weight after breastfeeding, she was getting milk! Monday night Anjanette did a test weight. I was nervous to breastfeed her, just because of how many times she de'satted and brady'd the last time I fed her.....she struggled a little bit at first, but I really think the bottle feeding helped her learn to pace herself, because after not to long she got comfortable and paced herself. Suck, swallow, breathe....suck, swallow, breathe! She did amazing! She ate for a total of 20 minutes on both sides, and when she was done, she gained 50grams. Yay! She did it, it was working.....what great progress!! :-)

We made it!

2012-01-08T03:24:00.018-07:00

My facebook post today 1/7/2012 was:

Today is the day our twins were supposed to be born....instead,

one is in heaven and the other is 3 1/2 months old and still in the

hospital! It's crazy how things happen sometimes....and sometimes

I really don't understand why....but what I do know is that

my family is forever, miracles happen and I am blessed!

Today was actually a bittersweet day for me. Ova picked up some overtime last night and my boys had their cousins Moses and Joey sleep over. That meant it was just me and Tala all night. I wanted to watch movies in my room with her, but she fell asleep really quick. I turned my computer on and after surfing the internet a little bit, my phone buzzed....I had a message. The message was a reminder that said 'Baby due today!' I had put that reminder in my phone right after I found out what my due date would be, before I even knew they were twins. Who would've known things would turn out the way they have. I felt overwhelmed in that moment and I just sat there crying to myself. I started thinking about what life would be like if baby Cindy was still here. What would life be like if I didn't have any complications with my pregnancy and I had 2 healthy baby girls with me right now. What would they look like, how much would they have weighed.....I had a lot of questions running through my mind. Sad to say, I threw a little 'pity me' session and asked a lot of questions why. Why did this have to happen to me? Why couldn't my baby Cindy live? Why did baby Katea have to be born so early? So many questions why..... I wished Ova was home with me to comfort me and set me straight, but he wasn't here, so I had to do it myself. I started thinking about what Ova would say if he were with me....he would have let me cry, he would have agreed with my wondering what life would be like if things happened differently...and we would have talked about it for a while....he would probably say something to make me laugh to lighten the mood....and then he would have reminded me that things turned out how they were supposed to...and just because we don't completely understand, doesn't mean we're bad people. It was funny how I was totally able to comfort myself just thinking of what Ova would have done and how he would have reacted if he were with me at that moment.

That pity me session suddenly turned into a realization of how lucky and blessed we are that baby Katea is here....she's alive....and she's going to be ok. I started to think of how tiny she was when she was born, and how far she has come. All the obstacles she's had to face, and how she's been able to overcome all of them. I started thinking of other babies who were born at the same gestation she was, who suffered many more complications with brain or heart issues...and even those who didn't make it. I really am blessed! I'm glad that Ova (or the thought of him) sets me straight and doesn't let me hang low for too long....because if I did, I'm sure I would have a whole different attitude and perspective on things.

Today was an exceptionally AWESOME day for baby Katea! She made so much progress today, I am totally amazed!

Yesterday they found out that what they thought was an NJ tube was really a NG tube. The x-ray from a few days ago showed that the tube went through her stomach, made a loop, and went out of the stomach to her upper intestine. They weren't able to see the exact placement or where the end of the tube landed, but they could see it was out of her stomach and that was all they wanted. Her intestine still had quite a bit of the berium from the upper GI test...so they thought that they'd give her a couple days to get it all out and then they'd advance it a little further into her intestine and check it with an x-ray. She finally was able to poop and get some of the berium out, so Charise tried to push the tube further. They didn't schedule the x-ray to check the placement until the next morning (which was yesterday morning) The x-ray showed that instead of the tube going further down her intestinal tract, it coiled up and the end was back inside her stomach. She had been getting the continuous feed in her stomach instead of in her intestine for the last 24 hours. The good thing was that they didn't even know it because she was still doing so well. She wasn't refluxing and her Fi02 was actually a lot lower than it had been. That's what they were planning on doing after the two weeks, to pull the tube up to her stomach...so it just happened a little earlier than planned. They left it in her stomach and just watched how she reacted to it.

Today when I woke up, I called the NICU to check on her. Annica was her nurse today and she told me the awesome news that they were able to turn her oxygen down to 1 liter....which means no more high-flow!! They switched her to a regular nasal canula, and she was doing so good! Annica also told me that the NNP and the developmental specialist said that since she's been tolerating the feeding to her stomach again, and he oxygen was lower....I got to start breastfeeding today! Yay! They said only once a shift (twice a day) at first to see how she does...and then we'll go from there. I was so excited! BIG HUGE GIANT steps forward my baby girl made today and I am so proud of her!

When Ova and I got to the hospital today she was wide awake in her crib...she was looking up at the ceiling and as soon as I said "hi my princess" she turned her head towards me and opened her eyes super wide. She knew we were there. I took her out of her crib and kissed her for a minute and then let Ova have his turn. We were saying "happy due date birthday, you made it" and telling her how proud we were of her for breathing so good and lowering her oxygen! I tried nursing her but she only lasted like 1 minute before she fell asleep. Annica said she had been awake for several hours before we got there so she was probably just tired. I gave her back to Ova and they did what they always do when they spend quality time together.......sleep! haha

During the break we just went and sat in the lobby....Meredith was her nurse tonight, so again she was spoiled to have primary nurses all day long! :-) She was sleeping when we got there at 730pm, but she started moving around at about 8pm. We got up and did her cares and weighed her and made sure she was wide awake so I could try to nurse her again. Tonight she weighed 3155 grams, which is 6lbs.15 1/2oz. Only 1/2oz. more and she'll be 7lbs! She actually did amazingly well for it being the first time to eat food through her mouth. She latched on great and ate for 10 straight minutes...spacing her swallowing and breathing, and she didn't brady once. We were all pretty impressed with her! After all that action, she was super tired and knocked right out! The plan now is to slowly change the continuous feedings back to bolus feedings every 3 hours and hope she can get them over 30 minutes instead of the 90 she was getting, and tomorrow I'll start stage 1 of the feeding process! Today I feel like she made leaps and bounds forward....it was a great day of progress for her! I'm so happy and proud of her and blessed!

Daddy giving her a high five for having such a great day!

We left the hospital tonight and she was sound asleep!

Sweet dreams baby girl, see you in the morning!

Telling MY Story through Pictures

2012-01-05T19:26:00.001-07:00

My older sister Leslie is studying at UVU to become a photographer/graphic designer. She took a class last semester and for her final project she had to tell a story using only pictures....no words at all. She could have chosen to do her story on anything....she chose to do it on my experience over the past few months. I sent her all the pictures I've taken so far, and she went through them and chose the ones that she thought would tell my story the best. She came up to my house and to the hopsital several times to visit and take pictures. Nothing was posed, everything was just how it happened. She did an AMAZING job! I'm so glad she did this for her final....and for me!

Click this link to see her completed final project: Leslie's Final Project - Baby Katea

Thank you so much Leslie!

100 Days!

2012-01-05T01:44:00.000-07:00

Today, 1/4/2012 is baby Katea's 100 day birthday!!

That translates into:

3 months 1 week 2 days

14 weeks 2 days

2402 hours

144119 minutes

8647101 seconds

Since it's about 7.8 miles to the hospital from my house (according to my GPS) and I've gone to the hospital every single day and back since the day she was born, that means so far I have put 1560 miles on my van just going back and forth to the hospital!

Her due date is coming up soon. I was officially due on January 7th, 2012. When I had her back in September....January sounded so far away....can't believe it's already here!

She weighed 780 grams which equals 1 lb. 12 oz. when she was born

Today she weighed 3050 grams which equals 6lbs.11 1/2oz.

She was 12inches long when she was born

Today she measured 19 inches long

We've been able to watch her grow from a 25 week baby so fragile and frail, to a newborn sized full-grown baby. It is amazing to see how much she's progressed! She is simply amazing!

2 weeks old

3 months old

Today was a good day because they were able to wein her oxygen down to 1.5 liters! She's doing such a great job on it! Her Fi02 was at 28% when I got there today.....I was so happy because I haven't seen it under 30% for the last couple weeks! Charise told me that she's been hanging out between 28-32% since they lowered her oxygen.....that is such good progress! She was still yo-yo'ing on her oxygen saturations a bit, but that's normal....it's just her! Once she's down to 1 liter they can switch her from the high flow nasal canula to just the regular nasal canula....which means no moisture/humidity....just flow! I'm so glad that the Dr's and nurses were able to find out that it was the acid reflux she was experiencing that was hindering her breathing....ever since they placed the NJ tube, and gave her poor little stomach and throat a break from the acid, her respiratory rate has improved significantly and so much faster! The plan now is after the two weeks to pull the NJ tube up a little and make it an NG tube....all that means is that the food will be pumped into her stomach again and not into her intestines. Those first few feeds she gets after the NJ treatment will show us if the 2 weeks with nothing in her stomach helped....or if the acid reflux returns. Hopefully the 2 week break will be all she needs....but we'll just have to wait and see!

She had another eye exam today, and the news we got wasn't what we wanted. She is still at a zone 2, and the ROP in BOTH of her eyes are now at stage 2. Last time it was just her right eye.....now both have gotten a worse. I'm hoping that because they've finally been able to wein her oxygen, the ROP won't get any worse. Crossing my fingers and praying hard! They will now do an eye exam every week on Wednesday just to keep close watch on them.

I got to spend pretty much the whole day with her today. She was really tired and sleepy all day long. I was hoping she'd be awake so we could play, but she was pretty much sleeping all day long. She had another visitor today, my good friend Dianna stopped by. I think sometimes I like having visitors more than she does...cause I get lonely sometimes sitting there with her while she's sleeping all day! haha Dianna came and kept me company for a few hours! She's such a good friend!

At about 6pm I heard baby Katea start coughing. I thought it was just from the water that gets drained into her nose from the nasal canula, but she had actually managed to rip the tape off her face, pull the nasal canula out of her nose and pull the NJ tube out.....OMG, no wonder she was choking! Charise had to come in and re-place the NJ tube, but in order to make sure it makes it past the stomach into the upper intestine, they have to do an x-ray....so at about 630pm, when I had to leave for the break they came in with the big old x-ray machine to check.

After the break, she was wide awake! Ova got to stop by and visit her for a couple hours before he went in to work. They are always so cute together....I just laugh at how he can't keep his lips off her. He just kisses her for the first like 20 minutes he gets there....everytime he comes! It's so cute! Anjanette was her nurse tonight.....we LOVE it when her primary nurses are on...and today she was lucky to have both Charise and Anjanette. All the nurses do an excellent job, but her primary nurses really love her because they've taken care of her pretty much from the day she was born......so she gets extra special care and attention when she has a primary nurse!

I can't believe she's 100 days old already.

It's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster.

She has made amazing progress and has had WAY more good days than bad.

She still has a few more weeks before we get to bring her home, but it's ok....we're happy with the progress she's making!

We love and are grateful for the NICU staff.

We LOVE you baby girl....Happy 100 day Birthday!

Visitors YAY!

2012-01-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

Baby Katea LOVES visitors and today her Uncle and Aunty from Vegas stopped by to spend some time with her! They were in town for Kiki's brother's wedding and came to see her before they headed back home. This was not the first time they came to visit, they came to the hospital and visited her the last time they were in town too....but that's when she was still tiny and in her incubator.....they were so surprised to see how big she had gotten and how well she was doing.....and they even got to hold her!! Baby Katea has lots of family and friends who love her a lot, and she's so happy when people take the time to come and visit her! Thank you Aunty and Uncle.....we love you guys! :-)

Uncle TiTonga with baby Katea

Aunty Kiki with baby Katea

Thank you again for taking time to come see me!

Next time you see me I'll be a BIG girl at home with my brothers and sisters!

Love you guys....drive safely back to Vegas!

Poor Babies

2012-01-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Last night I spent my whole night in the hospital.....not with my baby Katea, but in the ER with Lautala :-( She started throwing up around 7pm and threw up like 5 times in 30 minutes. She wasn't acting sick and she didn't have a fever or diarreha, so I just took her home to lay down. She asked me for some water....I gave her a little glass, she drank the whole thing....she laid down...and not even a minute later she threw up all the water. She wasn't keeping anything down. I was worried because she'd thrown up so much and so many times....she just wasn't keeping anything, not even water...so I called her on-call pediatrician. He told me not to give her a big glass of water, just to give her a sip every couple minutes and see if she could keep that down. I did, and she couldn't keep that down either. She started acting lathargic and started feeling really hot, so I called the pediatrician back again. He asked me when the last time was that she had a wet diaper. It hadn't been since earlier in the day. He told me to wait an hour and if she hasn't had a wet diaper, and is still not keeping anything down....to take her to the ER. Sure enough at 2am I was loading her into the car to head to the hospital.

When we got there, they had me change her into her hospital gown and lay her on the bed. Poor little girl looked so sick! Not too long after we got there, she threw up all over herself and the bed....so they helped me get her all cleaned up, got her a new gown and changed her sheets....and they gave her a little barf bag thing.....she didn't like it.....as soon as the nurse left she threw it across the room and screamed "No". Little girl still has her monster-ish attitude, even when she's feeling sick...haha.

They gave her some Zofran to help her nausea and a glass of grape juice. They left us in the room for like an hour to see if she was going to keep the juice down or not. They ended up coming in and giving her some IV fluids to help her so she doesn't get dehydrated. We stayed there for a LONG time....I think we got home around 5am. She felt better, she hadn't thrown up in a few hours, her fever was gone and she was finally sleeping.

Today she's acting totally ok!

I'm at the hospital right now with baby Katea and Ova just text me that Filimone just threw up everywhere.....great one! Good thing the ER gave me some Zofran, I had Ova give one to Mone and have him lay down. I'm going to go do baby Katea's 8pm cares and then I'll head home to take care of my other sick kids. Totally sucks when kids are sick! It sure makes for a busy busy mommy!

Startin' off GREAT!

2012-01-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

On the very first day of the New Year, baby Katea went down to 2 liters of oxygen! That is a HUGE step and if she didn't have the NJ tube, she'd get to start breastfeeding now! Since she has to have the NJ tube for at least two weeks, and it's already been one week.....one more week is the next big step!!

I'm so glad that they figured out that the acid reflux she was experiencing was what was slowing down her respiratory progress. From what I understand, they were pumping her food into her stomach....because of the acid reflux she had, she was gagging it back up and then she would cough and gag to try and avoid throwing up....and when she would swallow, she would aspirate some into her lungs. The NJ tube has given her a break from all the acid reflux, and because of it, they've been able to wein her oxygen needs a lot quicker. That is AWESOME news!

She still acts like she's starving most of the time. With the food passing her stomach, she doesn't ever get that 'full' feeling. Even though her intestines are full and she's getting all the calories and nutrition she needs, she doesn't feel it. It's a little funny and a little sad to see how angry she gets because of how hungry she is. She never actually got to taste any of that sucrose(sugar water) that was ordered for her.....Meredith said it didn't make sense to give it to her.....what would make more sense is to give her some breastmilk, since that's what she'll be eating when she's done with the NJ tube. Another example of why we LOVE our primary nurses. They got the go-ahead from the Dr's to give her anywhere from 1ml-3ml of breastmilk whenever she acts crazy starving. They just put it in a little syringe and squirt it in her mouth as she's sucking on her binki....that way she's practicing swallowing...tasting the food she's actually going to be getting.....and she knows she has to do it while sucking and breathing. Very smart! She does sometimes de-sat....and even brady if she gets too much to swallow, but overall she's doing great....she loves it....and it's satisfying her craving to fill her stomach for a few hours! One more week baby and then you'll get to eat....hang in there! :-)

She is awake and alert and wanting to socialize a lot more often now....and mostly during the day. My schedule before consisted of me spending a lot of the night at the hospital....so now I have to figure out how to change my schedule. The nurses have her on a pretty good schedule where she sleeps pretty much through the night. She's actually been doing that for a while now, and if she's sound asleep....they don't wake her up to change her diaper....they just hook up her feeding and let her sleep. Now that she has continuous feedings, they don't bother her at all during the night unless she wakes up and demands attention. That is awesome that they're already helping her learn to sleep through the night for me....only problem is that we don't sleep through the night :-/ Ova working graves has all our schedules so jacked up. I find myself and all my 3 older kids watching t.v. or playing on the computer at like 4am....and that's normal.....and then we don't wake up until like noon. Not good! Makai was always good about going to bed and waking up early for school....but him being off track the whole month of December has gotten him on our schedule....and that is NOT good! That will be my next big thing to tackle this week....getting all of us on a more normal sleeping schedule, even if Ova isn't here at night and he sleeps during the day when we're all awake. Wish me luck! :-) I'm trying all over again to figure out how to divide my time between everything I have to do. I NEED to be at the hospital more during the day now......especially since baby Katea is awake so long.....so I'll have to just switch it up and go there during the day and spend time with my older kids at night. Hopefully this craziness will only last a few more weeks, and then we'll all be home together. That will be nice!

Today when I got to the hospital, she was wide awake, content....laying in her bed. I went up to her and kissed her and said hi....she smiled. I took her out and we played for a while. I read her some books, and she's so funny...whenever I turn the page, her eyes get so big and she starts flailing her arms in excitement. I love that she's more awake and alert.....and that I get to spend so much quality time with her! The developmental specialist came in and showed me how to do some exercises with her that will help strengthen her arms and legs. She also talked about how important tummy time is in helping her little neck muscles to develop. She kept saying "she's 3 months old now, she should be doing...." I just think it's so crazy how internally we have to be so patient with their growth and progress, but developmentally we want them to act their age. We sure do ask a lot of these little preemies. And it's amazing that they are able to do it! They made sure I was aware that she probably would be developmentally slower than her age group, because she was born so early.....but that I should try as much as I can to help her catch up. 2 years old is usually the age where they are completely caught up. It'll be interesting to see where she falls on that wide spectrum.

She's growing so much! Tonight she weighed 3025 grams....that translates into 6lbs.10 1/2oz. She's gonna be 7lbs before we know it! It's crazy to think of how small she was....and how much she has grown! Here's just an example of how much she has grown....the small handprint was taken when she was 1 week old....the bigger one, when she was 2 months old.....I'll have to get another set when she's almost ready to go home so we can see her growth...but this simply amazes me!

Just for perspective, I put a quarter by the prints. Her 1 week old handprint palm was smaller than the quarter....the 2 month print, a lot bigger! You can see that not only did her hand grow in length, but you can see the chubbiness on her fingers now....that she did not have at 1 week old.

Growth.Progress.Blessed!

2012

2011-12-31T22:43:00.001-07:00

Can't believe it's already 2012.....time sure flies doesn't it!
2011 was the most emotional, challenging, painful and difficult year of my life....but at the same time I was very very blessed......my testimony was definitely tried and it grew A LOT!
This year I'm more aware of my blessings, and I've realized that nothing in life is guaranteed....so I try really hard to be grateful for every good thing that comes into it. I've learned that for me, if I focus on my blessings and vocally speak and show my appreciation to everyone I'm grateful for...I am more aware of the positive in my life than the 'learning experiences' I have. I have a lot to be grateful for! My husband. My kids. My family. Friends. Even strangers who have blessed my life. The gospel and the knowledge that my family is forever....that's what makes losing baby Cindy not as hard. I'm grateful for miracles....this year I learned that they really do happen. My baby Katea is a true miracle! One of my friends, who is also a NICU mom, shared this quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks.......he said:

"Although we are generally counseled not to speak of sacred things like the miracles we have witnessed, there are times when the Spirit prompts us to share these experiences, sometimes even in a setting where our account will be published."

I feel that way about my baby Katea's story. With everything that happens to her, both good and bad, I'm prompted to write about it and keep a record of it. Maybe it's for me, to help me cope....maybe for her when she gets older....maybe for you reading this....I don't know why, but thank you for letting me share my miracle story with you this year....I will continue to share her jorney!

I'm ending this year at home, with my little family. Ova's making dinner, I'm making dessert....the kids are dancing their hearts out to Just Dance 3 on the Xbox 360 Kinect. This is what life is all about. Spending time with family. To all of you who were are part of my life in 2011, I thank you! May you all have a wonderful 2012!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

This year Christmas was very meaningful, and very very busy!

The Christmas spirit was so strong and overwhelming throughout this whole month of December. It started out with all the treats and gifts we received in the NICU, almost every single day we would show up and there would be another Christmas present or bag of candy in baby Katea's room. Most of them were from parent's who had a NICU baby in the years past and had to spend Christmas in the NICU. They were giving back, and sharing the Christmas spirit by sharing their stories, their experiences, their support and love, and a gift with us parents that were going through it now. Those little meaningful gifts made a big difference for me, and it's something that I will do from now on every year for Christmas....give back! Also, about a week before Christmas there was a mysterious package left on our porch. It was a huge gift bag with a present for every member of our family. We had no idea who it was from, because whoever left it just knocked and ran. By the time we got to the door, they were gone and all we saw were the gifts. There was a card inside the bag that read "Your family is such an inspiration and an example to so many. You are always in our thoughts and prayers....XOXO....Merry Christmas, Your Secret Santas" Those were the first presents under our tree. We are so grateful that someone would do that for our little family....we only wish we knew who it was so we could thank them!

Christmas morning our kids came in our room to wake us up at 8am screaming "Santa came! Santa came!" We made sure everyone in our house was awake and then we all headed to the living room to see what Santa had brought. It's a tradition for us, before we let the kids open their gifts, to talk to them about the true meaning of Christmas. Ova asked them questions and explained to them that the most important part of Christmas wasn't about the gifts, it was about Christ. After the Christmas talk from dad, he offered a prayer....then the kids passed out the gifts.....

Daddy helped Tala open hers...

Mone opening his...

Makai's turn...

Tala was spoiled....who lied and told Santa she was a good girl?? hahaha j/k

She got a barbie from our Secret Santa, a blonde princess doll from G-ma Tea and a brunette doll from Santa Claus!

We let the kids play with their toys for a little bit, while we cleaned up all the wrapping paper and stuff. Then we all got ready to go to church. Our church was at 11am and it was a beautiful, spiritual program. I especially LOVED the musical numbers....they always fill the room with such a strong spirit!

After church was over, I went to the hospital to see baby....and Ova went home with the kids to get them ready to go down to Lake Shore to my parent's house. Ova really wanted to go to the hospital with me, but he's been sick with a cough and runny nose....so it's better if he just stay away from the hospital until he gets better....just so he doesn't get baby sick!

Ova and I got the best present ever....it wasn't something material....it was our precious little miracle baby Katea! (The onesie she's wearing is from one of my mission buddy's Hermana Armga....she sent a little Christmas package for my family...she's so sweet! The little tag on our gift says 'Mom and Dad's best present ever')

I got to the NICU at the perfect time....right at the same time Santa came. I think it's so neat that Santa took time out of his busy schedule to make sure to visit the preemies...he went from room to room and took pictures with every single baby there! And Santa is no exception....he had to scrub in and use hand-sanitizer just like everyone else! :-)

I didn't have much time to spend there that morning, I just wanted to stop by and kiss my baby girl on her very first Christmas, and help her open her gifts. She had quite a few gifts under her tree that morning when I got there. She's very loved and spoiled and she got lots of fun and cute things for Christmas this year! I laid everything out on the chair to take a picture for her to see when she gets older!

She got some really cute books, so I spent a little while reading them to her. After about an hour, I had to go so I could meet Ova and the kids....so we could head down to Lake Shore! I was so excited this year that all us siblings, spouses and kids planned to make time, at the same time to be there together. We haven't done that for the past couple years....we all go down on Christmas day, or Eve.....but not necessarily at the same time. This year we made a point of it, and it was so nice to have EVERYONE together all at once....and to let all the grandkids play together! I loved it! Gramma & Grampa had already opened their presents with Leka, Safi, Fanga and Misi Pou on Christmas Eve, so all these presents were for the grandkids! Spoiled much?!!

Of course we all sat around the family room and before any presents were opened or even passed out, Grampa Makai gave a little Christmas advice. Talked to the kids about what Christmas was about and told everyone he loved them. He talked about how blessed we are, as a family to have our little miracle baby Katea. I totally cried the whole time. He challenged us to be better people, and to make time to go to the temple more often....by going more often, we will be happier people and we will be blessed. After my Dad talked, he gave all the adults a chance to say something....we just went around the room saying Merry Christmas to everyone. I cried like a baby.....just so extremely happy for everything I'd been blessed with, but so wishing my baby Katea could've spend her first Christmas with us!

After everyone was done talking.....Uncle Misi had all the kids sit on the floor in a circle and he passed out all the gifts to the kids. Everyone was so excited to see what they got from their Aunty's and Uncle and from Gramma and Grampa.

After opening the presents, we ate, visited and just enjoyed everyone's company!

This is Gramma & Grampa with the newest additions to the family....born in 2011 (only missing baby Katea)

And a picture of Gramma & Grampa with all the grandkids.....15 were there, 1 in the hospital and 1 in heaven! :-)

I was so glad we all made time to be together at the same time.....it makes Christmas so much more special to spend it with family!

After we left my parent's house, we were hurrying home because we thought we were eating dinner with Ova's family.....but when we got here, nobody was here...Tea was sleeping in the living room and Ma was sleeping in her room. Nobody had come for Christmas. :-( Ova was sad, especially since Ma is here with us. She's 89 years old this year....we should ALWAYS plan to be together on the holidays, especially for her. It was so sad to see her laying in her room on Christmas night, no Tongan food, no family to visit.....that is something we need to focus on for next year! Celebrate the holidays with her while she's still with us, because someday when she's not here anymore....we will regret not taking advantage of those opportunities! That's why I feel so grateful and blessed that Ma lives with us. I'm so lucky that my kids know their great-gramma on a more personal level....they are comfortable with her, she yells and disciplines them.....that's not something all her great-grandkids can say, and I know I am blessed to have her!

Since nobody was here, I decided to go back to the hopsital to spend a few more hours with my baby girl. She had a good day on Christmas! I just held her for a few hours and spent time with her. She is what Christmas is about.....faith, hope, miracles, love.....I'm so grateful for her!

Merry Christmas Everyone.....and Happy Happy New Year!

2.5 Yay!

2011-12-30T00:14:00.000-07:00

So far, so good with the NJ tube! Thankfully after that crazy day with all the bradicardic episodes, and the stress.....now things are looking up again! There's always good days to follow the bad, but unfortunately that doesn't really make the bad ones any easier to handle....

Yesterday was the first day after the Upper GI procedure and she was pretty much sleepy all day long. She was probably just exhausted from all the stress from the day before. She only had one bradicardic episode in the morning, and Charise said it was just caused by water from her nasal canula tube getting into her nose....after she suctioned her out, she was fine. That was such good news! I stayed with her for several hours yesterday....just staring at her, holding her and kissing her. Pretty uneventful day for her, which was so nice after the craziness of the day before! So glad she was having a better day....and that I was too! :-)

Today has been a great day for her too! She had absolutely no episodes at all and they were able to wein her oxygen already! She's now down to 2.5 liters, and so far today she's doing really well on it! Her breathing patterns are stable, no periodic breathing...and her Fi02 is back down where we like it....between 31-36%. Apparantly that's what she needed, just a break from all the acid reflux. She was wide awake and bright-eyed when I got here so I took her out of her crib and we played for a little while. I was talking to her, and singing to her.....and then I started taking pictures of her and she got a little irritated with me.....hahaha, she doesn't like the camera in her face all the time......but I do :-).....we read books together and then she started getting sleepy, so I put her back in her bed to sleep. Love my quality time with her, even more when she's awake!

It's 7pm right now and I'm blogging out in the hall while I wait for the NICU to re-open. I'm going to spend a couple more hours with my little miracle before I head home to have a movie night with my older 3. So glad she's having better days and that we've been able to make some progress with her oxygen needs! If she's down to 2 liters (which I think she will be) by the end of the two weeks with her NJ tube, we'll get to start the next big step which is breastfeeding! Big steps she's taking. I'm so happy with how she always takes huge leaps forward after taking a tiny step backwards....that is amazing progress!

After the break, I went back into her room and she was STILL wide awake and bright-eyed. The nurse told me she woke up again right after I left, and had been up ever since. I was surprised that she was awake that long, I thought for sure she would be sleeping...especially since she was so wide awake while I was here before. I took her out of her crib and we were playing again. But this time, she was irritated. She kept rooting and turning her head to both sides looking for something to eat. The binki wasn't cutting it for her. She wanted food. I put her in her bouncer chair and turned it on vibrate...that only worked for like 5 minutes and then she was done....I stood up and tried to rock her...that didn't last long either. I asked her nurse if I could do non-nutritive. I know she's not supposed to have anything in her stomach, but I thought that if I pumped for like 20 minutes right before, that I wouldn't have any more milk. The nurse said that would be ok, especially since she was visibly acting so hungry. I asked the nurse if baby felt hungry because the food was skipping her stomach, going straight to her intesttine.....she said she'd never seen any baby act like this before. Usually they just sleep and are content that their gut is being fed. Not my baby! I pumped and then started non-nutritive.....that's what she wanted. She latched on super quick and was sucking away.....after about 10 minutes, I heard her swallow. That was NOT GOOD. I immediately pulled her off and sure enough she had milk in her mouth. She was sucking so hard and so intently that she got some milk. No more non-nutritive for her :-( She was so mad after that. She was screaming and crying so loud....I'd never seen her act like that before. She didn't want the binki, she didn't want to be rocked, she didn't want to be sang to, she didn't want her bouncer chair....she just wanted to eat, poor girl. The nurse went and talked with the NNP and told her what was going on. She came in the room and was giggling with me at how mad baby Katea was because she was hungry. I joked and told her that I didn't know if she was going to last 2 weeks without food in her stomach, especially since it had only been 2 days and she was already starving. The NNP wrote an order for some sugar water(forgot the medical name for it) she said we could dip her binki in it and let her suck on it....just something that might help her calm down. It took a little while to get the order filled, so in the mean time, I changed her diaper...changed her clothes and wrapped her really tight in a warm blanket. That calmed her down a lot. We turned the lights off in the room and it was pretty dark, and then she finally fell asleep. Poor baby girl fell asleep starving. At least if she wakes up hungry, she'll have the sugar water to suck on!

Baby Katea finally sleeping....even though she's starving....poor baby girl :-(

Tonight she weighed 2880 grams, which translates into 6lbs.5 1/2oz.!! That's my girl...grow grow grow!

Upper GI

2011-12-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

So today has been an extremely emotional and draining day! I got to the hospital early today because I wanted to be here for her little procedure. When the NNP called me, she told me if I was here, I would be able to go with my baby Katea to the radiology room for her procedure. The upper GI tests the amount or severity of reflux she has, and if it's what is affecting her respiratory distress. They put 30ml of berium(a dye) into a syringe and put it down her NG tube to her stomach. It was actually pretty cool to see it fill up her little stomach and travel into her intestines. I didn't really know what they were looking for, but I expected the procedure to last at least 30 minutes....especially since she gets her food over a 90 minute period and it's not usually until the end of her feeding that she refluxes really bad. The test was done super quick....too quick for me! We were in and out of there in like 7 minutes. The radiologist told me that he did see some reflux, but not enough to be adding to her respiratory distress, and he wasn't worried about it. I didn't say anything, but I was thinking they should just wait and see....5 minutes was not long enough. Sure enough, as soon as we took her off the table and put her back into her crib, she started coughing, gagging and she had a bradicardic episode and de'satted for a while....which she did need stimulation to come out of. :-( The RT, Becky that went with us kept saying over and over "I'm so sure, as soon as we put her back she starts coughing".....I was glad she noticed. I just wish they would have waited 5 more minutes to be able to see what was making her cough.

We wheeled her back to her room and she had another pretty severe episode, which started out with her coughing and gagging. Charise was the charge nurse today, and thankfully she stopped by to visit...so she helped me try to help her out of it, she was blue for a while, not fun! That was a bad one. I held her for a while, and waited for her to fall asleep....and then I left for a minute, just to take a break.....today I am a wreck, and I'm not being strong for her....so I needed to go for a walk for a little bit. I feel very overwhelmed and emotional....and I don't know why. I've been handling it so well, I think, up until now.....and today I just feel like it's too much. As much as I didn't want them to find anything bad on her x-ray, I also wanted them to find something that would be the answer to why she has such severe lung disease....an answer to why we haven't been able to wein her oxygen very quickly....and answer to why she's not breathing yet....a quick fix to make her all better. I know that was just wishful thinking. I know she's struggling so bad because she came so much earlier than she was supposed to. It's just hard to see her go through this! I feel like I sound ungrateful, but I'm not....I am really really grateful for everything....today is just a bad day for me. I'm allowed one of those once in a while, right??!! They told me last night that she's officially the baby that's been here at the NICU the longest. Not a title I was too excited about. :-(

Today is Tuesday, and it's scrapbooking day. I had totally forgotten about it, but when I went to take my walk, I ran into them. Scrapbooking day is just a day that the parent support group gets together to make scrapbook pages for the unit. They allow other mom's to come and visit and scrapbook. I love going, it's a nice little break from all the craziness and stress of the NICU. I was glad it was today because it gave me a little while to stop crying and get my mind on something else.

When I was done, I went back to baby's room.....her machine was dinging, she was low-satting.....I looked at her Fi02 and she was at 44%.....WHAT?? That was the highest I had ever seen her before....and she was low-satting....what was going on? Her nurse was taking care of another baby at the time, so another nurse came in to tell me she would be in in just a minute to talk to me. I took her out of her crib and held her and then her saturations came up and she started high-satting. Her nurse Brooke, told me that all hell broke loose after I left. She had 3 more severe bradicardic episodes....and there were times where her saturations were all the way down to 9, and she was blue with purple lips. They had to vigorously simulate her to get her to snap out of all of them. Just to make sure she wasn't getting sick and that she wasn't developing any infections, they immediately ordered a CBC, a blood culture and an x-ray. Everything came back normal. Her blood work looked great, her x-ray looked fine, besides the obvious lung disease....and there was no sign of infection, or that she was getting sick. She was just having a really bad reaction to the procedure that was done, and the berium dye they put in her stomach. :-(

I kept thinking all day that I wished the radiologist would have waited just 5 more minutes so he could have seen what was causing her to cough, gag and brady. Just 5 more minutes. Brooke had the NNP come in and talk to me, and I mentioned to her that I thought the test was too fast. She actually agreed with me. They had noted how many episodes she was having, and during the break....when baby Katea was gagging, the NNP suctioned her out and got quite a bit out of her chest area. Because of the gagging and how high the stuff was that she suctioned, they decided to go ahead and treat her as if the acid reflux was the problem. I was so relieved! She was telling me that her esophagus was probably just worn down and it hurt from all the acid coming back up....that's why she was crying, bearing down so hard...and as a result of doing that, she would brady. At least this treatment plan would give her a break and let her poor little esophagus heal. And, if it is the reflux that is adding to the respiratory distress, we will be able to wein her oxygen more quickly now. They placed the NJ tube, through her nose, past her stomach, straight to her intestine. Because the intestine can't get bolus feedings, there will be continuous feeding 24 hours a day, just at a slower rate. That will give her stomach a chance to rest and heal, and her esophagus also. That means we stop the non-nutritive, in case she gets some milk.....they don't want anything at all in her stomach.

The plan is to do a swallow test towards the end of the 2 week period, just to make sure that she's swallowing and that the milk is going to her stomach and not to her lungs. If it is and her stomach has had time to heal.....and we were able to wein her oxygen, then we'll get to start feeding her through her mouth. But for now, we just wait and let her heal.

I don't really know what this means as far as a timeline to bring her home. For sure it won't be until the end of January, possibly even February now.....it all depends on what happens to her after the 2 weeks with the NJ tube. Today wasn't the best day for my poor baby girl, and unfortunatly not my best day either :-( I shouldn't have bad days on the days she's having bad days, I need to be strong for her. Hopefully I'll sleep it off and start fresh again tomorrow.

I am SO grateful for the NICU staff. I'm grateful for how proactive they are in trying to find out what is really wrong, and trying to fix it. I'm grateful to them for comforting me and bringing me tissues when I cry. They are amazing people, and I'm so so glad it's them that take care of my baby! It's really hard for me to leave her everynight there in the hospital....even after 94 days, it's still hard....but I'm completely comforted and happy knowing she's where she needs to be and she's in the best hands!!

With that said.....Good Night! More updates tomorrow!

Christmas Photoshoot

2011-12-27T02:51:00.005-07:00

Baby Katea is so loved! Her primary nurse Anjanette did this awesome Christmas photoshoot with her. Anjanette did everything.....brought all the props, set everything up....and took the pictures....right there in her crib! She told me a while ago that she was going to do a photoshoot with Katea, but I had no idea she was going to go all out like this! She's amazing and I absolutely LOVE these pictures! It was a great way for her to show off the santa hat and leg warmers that she made for Katea! :-)

When I got to the hospital the day after these pictures were taken, I saw these two scrapbook pages hanging on her wall......our primary nurse Charise made these pages with the pictures Anjanette took!

This page made me tear up.....just the caption that was written.....her nurses saying "Our Precious Little Gift Katea"....and then signed by all of them at the bottom. We are so blessed with such loving and caring nurses who not only take care of baby Katea, but they really love her!

A couple days after that, another one of our primary nurses, Stacey did her own little photoshoot with baby Katea....She was taking care of her and Katea was so wide awake and social so she took advantage of the opportunity and the pictures turned out amazing!

Stacey also made me a scrapbook page of their little photoshoot! It turned out so cute! Love the caption "Santa's favorite....(and my nurses too!)"

Then on Christmas Eve, Charise made this little card for us!

WE.ARE.BLESSED!

3 Months!

2011-12-27T01:27:00.002-07:00

I can hardly believe it's been that long!

I didn't get a call on Thursday (12/23/11) from the NNP, so I just assumed there were no changes made to my baby. Usually I get a call if there are major changes made, and if it's just something minor...they just tell me when I get there....since I'm there everyday! When I got to the hospital on Thursday, I noticed that she was down to 3 liters of oxygen. I was really surprised because I thought we were going to wait because of how much she has been yo-yoing. She actually was doing really well on the 3 liters, her Fi02 hadn't really gone up much, she was still hanging out between 33-38%. I was glad that she was doing so well....and that we made some progress! Jessie was the nurse that night, she's so sweet.....I really like her! I was asking her a lot of questions.....I just wanted to know what changed to make them think she was ready to go down on her oxygen? I just keep hearing that we'll wein when she lets us know she's ready....so I just wanted to know how she let them know she was ready? She was still yo-yoing on her oxygen saturations, but she hadn't had a bradicardic episode for a couple days......so that's why they thought she was ready. Plus, we're not even sure it's the weining of the oxygen that's making her de-sat....or if it's just the acid reflux she's experiencing! All that really mattered was that she was doing well on the 3 liters. That was definitely progress! That day, they also up'd her feedings to 46ml every 3 hours....still over the 90 minutes....still with the same amount of fortifier, benaprotein and microlipids. Going down a little on her oxygen was awesome news.....because it meant a step closer to coming home!

Christmas eve was a crazy day! I was such a procrastinator this year and didn't even start shopping until pretty much Christmas Eve......crazy, I know!   I took my 3 kids along with me to get the last minute things for the Christmas dinner because Ova wasn't feeling too good, so he stayed in bed all day :-(..... we stopped at McDonald's to get them something to eat, and while they were playing in the playplace, I got a call from the NNP. She was just giving me an update. We talked a little about baby Katea's acid reflux, and how she's been doing it more often. They decided to go ahead and start her on prevacid.....she said it doesn't cure the reflux, but it lowers the acid (pH) in the stomach, and hopefully that would help her.  They were worried that the acidity of her reflux would cause her to have esophogitis, which is wearing down of the esophogus....so they were trying to prevent that. With the prevacid, they were hoping that it would not only help her reflux, but also help stabilize her yo-yo'ing and bradicardic episodes. They were going to start that day and try it for a few days to make sure it was working. If it wasn't making a difference, they would have to reasses and see what else they could give her. That was the only change that was made that day....and I really hoped it would work. Heartburn sucks! Stacey was back that night, on Christmas Eve and while I was there, she yo-yo'd a little bit, but not too severe. I just hung out with her for a little bit, and I left the hospital around 1030pm to hurry home because I hadn't started wrapping anything yet :-/

Christmas day was a wonderful day, but pretty crazy busy as well. I'm not gonna post about what we did Christmas day in this post, because it deserves a post of it's own, but baby Katea had a good day! She was spoiled and got lots of gifts, and Santa even visited her! I stopped by for an hour during the day, and then I went back again at night to spend some time with her. Ova has been sick...coughing and runny nose, so he couldn't go to the hospital to see her. He really wanted to, but it's just not safe to expose her to anything, because if she catches something and gets sick, it will be SO SO BAD for her poor little lungs. I know it's been really hard on him, and hopefully he'll start feeling better soon! Annica was working on Christmas morning.....and she told me baby was having a great day! Not too much yo-yo'ing on her saturations, which was great! When I came back at night, Meredith was her nurse. She wasn't having as great a time during the night as she did during the day. She had two pretty severe bradicardic episodes just while I was there....and they lasted pretty long and she needed a lot of help getting out of them. I hate seeing her have those....even though I don't freak out and panic publicly anymore, they still scare the heck out of me! Nothing had changed that day, she was still on 3 liters of oxygen and 46ml of milk every 3 hours. Stacey was working Christmas night, so she stopped by to say hi. She was happy to see that baby was on 3 liters, because the night before I guess after I left she had a really bad night and had to be turned back up to 3.5 liters. They turned her back down to 3 liters in the morning because they're thinking the issue is the reflux and not the weining of the oxygen....she's had pretty stable breathing patterns, not the periodic breathing which would indicate stress from the wein. I was glad she was at 3, but we just had to watch her closely and make sure she was tolerating it. She brady'd twice that night and yo-yo'd quite a bit. It was just something they needed to watch. The yo-yo'ing of her saturations, and the turning of the Fi02 up and down to chase her is affects the ROP in her eyes, so it's a very touchy subject.  I got to do non-nutritive that night and just sat with her and held her for several hours.

Today, 12/26/2011, my baby girl is 3 months old! I can't believe it's been 3 months already....honestly the time has flown right by! I look at her and am amazed at how much she's grown and how much progress she's made. She was 1 lb. 12 oz. when she was born, last night when we weighed her, she weighed 6lbs.1oz. She's definitely growing! Her lungs are still struggling, but they've come so far. She shouldn't even have to use her lungs yet, because she's still 2 weeks away from her due date....but she's doing amazing! Everything we've asked her to do, she's doing.....or at least trying really hard, and I'm so proud of her! I got a call from the NNP this morning....she was letting me know that they up'd her feedings again to 48ml every 3 hours.....and they decided that because of the continued yo-yo'ing and her coughing and gagging....the prevacid wasn't really working. They decided to order an upper GI(gastro-intestinal) test.....which is a colonoscopy. Depending on the results of the GI test, they will do a swallow test....which is where they put dye in a nipple and have her swallow it to see if it goes to her stomach or if she is aspirating any of it into her lungs. They're not really sure what the problem is, but they're doing these test to rule out those as causes of increased respiratory distress. If she is aspirating, they'll have to put an NJ tube in......right now she has an NG tube. The difference is the NG goes to the stomach, and the NJ will go right into the intestine and bypass that stomach. If she has to get that, she will have it for 14 days while giving her esophagus time to heal from all the acid reflux. That 14 days will be continuous flow of food straight to her intestine...which means we would have to stop non-nutritive or really anything in the mouth. We don't know if there is something that is causing more severe respiratory distress, or if it really is just her lungs, and we need to be more patient. Tomorrow will tell! At the hospital tonight when I was with her, she was super duper sleepy all night. Even when I gave her a bath, she was so out of it. She didn't yo-yo nearly as much as she has been, but her Fi02 was a slight bit higher. I didn't get to do non-nutritive because she was so tired and she wouldn't have much control over her throat muscles....the last thing we want is for her to have an episode while doing non-nutritive, we don't want her to associate something negative with breastfeeding incase she develops an aversion to it. I left her tonight and she was sound asleep. I'm feeling really tired and worn-out....like I'm running on low. I just count my blessings for her everyday!  With so many things that could go wrong, it really is a miracle that so many babies are born full-term and healthy with no problems at all. I've always been grateful to be a mom, but this whole experience with my baby Katea has really really opened my eyes and made me realize how lucky and blessed I really am. I'm grateful for the NICU staff, all of them....for all they do. I think I just need some sleep....re-charge my battery so I'm ready to be there for her tomorrow for her upper GI test. I love you baby Katea. Happy 3 month birthday!

Spoiled!

2011-12-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

Baby Katea has officially been in every pod in the NICU.....

D41

B20

D39

and now she's in C32......hopefully this is where she'll get to stay until she goes home, especially since her room is all decorated just for her! :-)

This 'Miracles' board was a gift my older sister Leslie made for baby Katea. It says "Miracles, believe in them" and then she put little clothes pins for me to be able to hang some pictures on. I thought it would be perfect to print pictures to show how much she's grown and progressed since she's been born, especially for people who come and visit and think she's so small.....she's actually so big now!! I LOVE this board, and it's gotten a lot of compliments from pretty much everyone that comes into her room!

Santa baby.....with her santa hat and leg warmers from her primary nurse Anjanette!

Baby Katea's Christmas reindeer that primary nurse Meredith made with Tea's little hand prints....so cute!

This cute little lion was a gift from the NICU....they gave it to baby Katea because it reminded them of her....they both have the same fuzzy soft hair that sticks straight up....hahaha! These stuffed animals were donated to the NICU by a little boy that collected them as part of his eagle scout project.

This little note was attached to the lion....such a cute idea! The little boy who did this service project, had a little brother that was born 2 years ago that had to spend quite a bit of time in the NICU. This place really changes your life, and I'm amazed....especially at this Christmas season how many former NICU parents give back, and remember us parents that are here now. Almost everyday for the past couple weeks, we've walked into baby's room and seen another present under the tree, or gift bag of cookies and candy....with a note that shares their NICU story and words of encouragement and advice.

I made this picture frame as one of the crafts provided by Common Bonds (NICU parent support group) they always have cute crafty things for us parents to make for our babies....primary nurse Stacey took this picture and put it inside for me!

This little flower was a windmill thing that my little sister Marie decorated with cute stickers and brought to baby Katea a while ago. We kept trying to hang it on the wall, but it was too heavy and kept on falling down. So primary nurse Anjanette thought of this brilliant idea to make it into a mobile to hang over her crib. It turned out so cute and she loves it and stares at it all day long!

Baby Katea has made A LOT of friends since she's been here.....lots of nurses, RT's and the common bonds ladies just love her! Because she has so many friends, she's been pretty spoiled.....and we love it! :-) These next pictures are different beanie's that were given to her from one of the Common Bonds mom's, Tricia......she's always thinking of baby Katea.....we love her!

Her reindeer beanie.....isn't this just the cutest thing you've ever seen??

Her little Koala bear beanie...

Her Christmas headband....with ponisetta and all!

Like I've said over and over....we LOVE and appreciate all the NICU staff for everything they are doing for our baby girl....and they obviously LOVE her back just as much!

We are blessed!

Slowly but Surely

2011-12-22T04:47:00.000-07:00

I got a call on Sunday while I was at church, from the NNP. She just wanted to call and give me the updates on my baby Katea and to let me know what changes they had made and what the plan was for the upcoming days. She told me that Katea has been doing so good. They decided in rounds that they were going to turn her oxygen down 1/2 liter the next day(Monday)....and then another 1/2 liter every few days as she tolerated it. And hopefully within the next week or so, she'd get down to 2 liters and we'd get to start breastfeeding. She also told me that they were going to do a follow-up chest x-ray to check the PDA in her heart, and they were going to do some growth labs, just to make sure her body was functioning properly and that her blood levels were good. They scheduled to do all those things next week, on the 29th of December. I was excited of the thought of her progressing....but at the same time, I was a little surprised that they all the sudden changed the plans and decided to try and move a little faster than we had been. Especially since baby Katea DOES NOT like to move fast, and she doesn't tolerate it very well. I found out that Dr. Melleske's two weeks were up and that it was a new neonatologist on for the next two weeks. When I went to the last rounds, they told me that that would be something that would frustrate me.....just how differently everyone practices. Everyone is excellent at their jobs, but they all approach things a little differently. To be honest, I was a little worried when I heard they were going to start moving a little faster and weining her oxygen quicker than we had been, but things have actually been ok and I'm even more grateful for baby's primary nurses who spoke up and let them know what is best for Katea, afterall, they know her the better than anyone because they work with her all the time!

Sunday night when I got to the hospital, Meredith was there! Yay! We love it when one of our primary nurses are there taking care of her.....Baby Katea had some visitors that night, and she got a lot of loves from her uncles and auntys! First, Sau and Suliana stopped by to see her.....they haven't been in for a while and they were so surprised at how much she had grown, and how big she was. They were so excited that they finally got to hold her too! She had quite a big scare while they were there, she brady'd and de-sat'd and it lasted quite a while. She didn't take long to get her heart rate back up, but it took a good 3 minutes to get her saturations up and her color back to normal. When she has those episodes, you can totally see it in her skin color....she goes greyish and her lips turn purple...it's pretty scary to see! When that happens, we just have to stimulater her....move her around, rub her back, pat her bum....do whatever we can to get her to take a deep breath and start breathing again....I imagine it was pretty scary for Sau and Suliana, but they handled it well and didn't freak out!

After they left, Kina and Tina stopped by to visit. They had just gotten out of a meeting and wanted to come and see her. They have been so supportive with everything throughout this whole ordeal, and we're grateful for them. They too were surprised at how big she had gotten...and they were so excited to finally be able to hold her. Baby Katea didn't have any bradicardiac episodes while they were there, but she did de-sat a few times and it took a while for her to come out of it. I just kept saying...."and that's why she's still in here....she's so not ready to go home yet."

After they left, I stayed for a while longer......baby didn't have a good night at all. She was yo-yo'ing a lot on her oxygen saturations and her Fi02 was a lot higher than her norm. She was being a naughty girl! She kept swallowing and coughing....and after she'd cough she'd hold her breath and that's what would cause the desaturations. She was having reflux. Meredith tried moving her feeding pump time from an hour to an hour and a half, and that seemed to be helping. That meant pumping her food directly into her stomach over 90 minutes....when they would like her to be getting it in 30. She's the boss! She'd never had an issue with reflux(heartburn) before.....but they did increase her feeding again this week, by 4ml. So from 40ml to 44ml every 3 hours. Maybe that 4ml was just enough to cause the reflux. Who knows?! They also figured out that she can't be vented right after her feedings. Usually after feedings when all the milk has been pumped into her stomach, they vent the tube....to help her get out any air bubbles that might be in her stomach....it's just a way to let her burp. Since the tube is directly in her stomach....she moves around and it sends the air out of her stomach through the tube and into the little syringe that's venting her....it actually makes a burping sound as the air comes out of her stomach, it's pretty crazy! And she always has air! They used to vent her right after her feedings, because that's what most babies need, but she's different and can't handle it. If she's vented right after, she'll push all the food back out the tube and she doesn't tolerate it being re-fed to her....so we don't vent her. Meredith just watched her really closely that night.

Monday when I got there, I was told that baby continued to have a horrible night. So Meredith suggested to the NNP not to wein her oxygen down that 1/2 liter they were planning. They agreed and just kept her where she was and watched her closely. Stacey, another one of her primary's was there on Monday morning. She said that baby had actually been really good for her. She was awake a lot during the morning so she had her out of her crib and was playing with her and doing her exercises. I was so glad to hear that she was having a better day! Monday night Meredith was back......she started being naughty again that night. She did have another bradicardic episode that she required help resolving, she's been having at least one a day for a few days now. When I was holding her, I kept hearing a watery sound and I didn't know what it was....I thought that maybe some of the humidity from the high flow drained into her nose and she was choking on the moisture (because that is a real risk) but Meredith suctioned her little nose and didn't get anything at all. She was just still choking and gagging and fighting to keep her food down....that darn reflux :-( Needless to say, she yo-yo'd quite a bit with her oxygen saturations because of the reflux that night again. They could give her some medications like prilosec or zantac or something like that, but they're really trying not to because even though those types of medications work really well, they mess with the pH of the stomach....and we don't want to do that. So far she's been clear of NEC, and we don't want to do anything that might cause it. So my poor baby has to suffer through the darn heartburn... :-(

Even though they had scheduled to do the chest x-ray and the growth labs on the 29th, they ended up doing them on Tuesday. Since there had been such a drastic change in her oxygen needs and stability, they wanted to make sure she wasn't getting sick. The chest x-ray came back good. No swelling or pressure.....sometimes such severe lung disease and respiratory distress can cause strain on the heart, but her heart looked great! The PDA was still open, but they told me it was a tiny hole....so small that it couldn't be affecting her breathing....and they were pretty confident that it would close on it's own. That was great news! The labs all came back perfect as well....it didn't show any signs of infection, or any indicaiton that she was getting sick. So with those results, they were able to cross-out a lot of possibilities or reasons for her yo-yo'ing.....and it's just back to reflux and her lung disease. She had a rough time right before I left, just gagging and coughing....causing her to de-sat....so we put her in her bouncer chair and she finally calmed down and went to sleep. The chair sits her up high enough that maybe it doesn't let the food come back up to her throat, causing her to gag....she stayed there and slept in her bouncer, and then I left.

Today(Wednesday) when I got there, she had just gotten her eye-exam. The results were not really what we wanted to hear. She's still at a zone 2, which meant her eyes are not developed.....and her ROP(retinopathy of prematurity) had gone from a stage 1 to a stage 2 in her right eye. That was not good.....the higher the stage of ROP, the more damage is done to the retina and the developing blood vessels. The optimologist said that it was still mild, but they're going to watch it closely. Stage 3 is where they start to worry a lot, and stage 4 means blindness. The thing about that is that oxygen is what affects the ROP....high levels of oxygen cause more increased levels of ROP. Baby Katea has been on oxygen for almost 3 months now and with every wein of her oxygen pressure....her Fi02 goes up. The higher the Fi02, the more damage could be done. It's a visious circle. Now we really can't wein her oxygen until her Fi02 comes down quite a bit....especially since she's been sitting between 33-39%. Patience, patience, patience and prayers are what we need!

Other than the reflux, the progression of ROP in her right eye, and her bradicardic episodes....she's doing extremely well. She's growing like crazy, weighing 5lbs.11oz. today. I bet she'll hit the 6lb. mark by Christmas....that'll be exciting! Whenever I feel like I start to get burnt out or frustrated, I just think of how lucky I am that she's alive....she has no brain bleeds...she has no heart problems....she's only on 2 medications right now, and they're not even really medications....she's getting a multivitamin and iron. They've stopped her hydrocortizone and her caffiene and she's doing great. The only thing she's struggling with is her lungs and her eyes.....and those will develop eventually....on her time. We just have to keep on waiting and being patient....and counting our many blessings! Come on baby Katea, we love you....we're so proud of you for the amazing progress you've made....and we'll keep praying for you! We understand that everything will happen in your time.....but can you hurry up please! haha :-)

All this breathing is making me so tired!

US Synthetic!

2011-12-19T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's official! Ova is an official US Synthetic employee! He was offered a full-time position and accepted on December 9th....I couldn't be more happy......we couldn't be more blessed! If you follow my blog, you already know how great this company is and how much they've already done for my little family. They've done more than they ever had to, and we will be forever grateful to them!

They had their annual Christmas party this past week and Ova and I got to go. I didn't really know what to expect, but I was excited to be able to meet the people he works with and the friends he always talks about.

They had their Christmas party at the UVU campus in the basketball stadium. I was so surprised to see how big the party was.....the entire gym was full, tables set up from end to end, decorated so fancy with Christmas decor. I was in awe.....first of all because company's this BIG don't usually throw Christmas parties for their employees, unless the employee has to pay to attend. US Synthetic did this for all their employees, and we didn't have to pay a penny! Every table had a different centerpeice and attached to one of the napkins on the table was a green paperclip.....if you had the green paperclip, you got to keep the centerpeice! Guess what..... I WON!! Whoo-hoo! Ova's not to fond of the decoration, but I love it! :)

Not the best picture, but it's a golden glittery tree with 3 red ornaments

In addition to that, they gave every couple a box (and not a small one) of the Kara mint truffles....my favorite! Since it was at the college, they had the culinary department cater the party....which was such a good idea! It was a full 4 course meal, so fancy and so delicious!

While we were eating, they started the program. The first thing they did, which totally amazed me, was they opened with a prayer. What company does that? I thought it was awesome! Then one of the head honchos talked a little about the company. He said that the company's main purpose is to improve lives.....not only the lives of their employees, but also the lives of their customers. He went on to tell us that they talk to their employees all the time, so he was talking to the spouses....he told us how much their company made this year....and how much they paid their employees in bonuses, just this year.....12 million dollars......can you believe it? All I kept thinking was how much more I was loving this company....hahaha! They set a goal for 2012 of how much in sales they wanted to make....and if they reach their goal, they'll be paying out 19 million to their employees in bonuses next year! So excited that Ova gets to start being a part of that! :-)

They had entertainers from Vegas, both a singer and a comedian.....it was fun and a really good time! Great date night with my hubby.....and a great opportunity to meet his co-workers and to get to know and LOVE the company a little more. WE.ARE.BLESSED!

Big Girl!

2011-12-17T01:00:00.001-07:00

A lot has happened in the past 4 days. Lots of good things, lots of progress! 4 days ago they turned her oxygen level down from 4.5 liters to 4 liters. She did really well the first day, but struggled a little the second and third days.....she had more periodic breathing which caused her to yo-yo quite a bit more on her oxygen saturations, and she had a couple bradicardic episodes....but the good things was that she was able to self resolve pretty much all of them. I knew we were going to leave her there at 4 for a while, but I wasn't quite sure how long that while was going to be. Today when I got here, I found out that they had actually turned her down another 1/2 liter....so now she's at 3.5 liters of oxygen per minute. Slowly but surely, she's getting there! She's been non-nutritive feeding for a few days now, and doing an awesome job. Sometimes she would get some milk, and she seemed to be ok with it....so I asked the developmental specialist why we couldn't try breastfeeding her right now....why did we have to wait until she was down to 2 liters? She explained things very well and it totally makes sense why they have to wait. 3.5 liters of oxygen is a LOT of oxygen being forced into her little lungs....if we were to start trying to introduce food with that high of air flow, there's a pretty good chance that the force of the oxygen will push the food into her lungs instead of into her stomach.....called aspirating....and we DO NOT want that to happen. That would just cause so much more problems for her little lungs, that are already struggling so bad. They tell me that eating is the hardest thing for preemie babies to learn, and it's a lot of work for them! Being able to coordinate when to suck, when to swallow, and while doing both of those things, when to breathe is a lot of work.....so we need to wait until she's ready. I have a feeling that once we get to that point, she'll take right off, but we need to make sure her oxygen needs are more stable before we even try. So we continue to be patient and wait for her! :)

We hold her pretty much the whole time we're at the hospital now.....she tolerates it so well! We even get to let her visitors hold her now, which has been so nice! My Mom and Dad have come up so many times to visit her and see how she's doing.....so it was a very special moment when they finally got to hold their grand-daughter for the first time after almost 3 months.

My older sister Leslie came to visit on the perfect night....she was the first one besides me and Ova that ever got to hold her!

Papa and Barbara stopped by to visit her too, and Barbara got to hold her...

She's come such a long way.....from nobody being able to touch her....to only me getting to hold her once a week.....to me and Ova getting to hold her twice a week.....to us getting to hold her once a day....to us several times a day.....and now all day if we want, and if she tolerates it....and visitors holding her! She's made huge progress in the 82 days she's been alive....she's amazing!

Since she's going to be 37 weeks gestation this coming Saturday, she's more awake and alert for longer periods of time. That means that she needs to be out of the crib looking around, the different positions and angles for her are good for her developing eyes, brain and lungs. They brought in a bouncer chair, and tried it out for the first time the other day. They didn't turn the vibration on, they just let her sit in it and the movements she made would make the chair bounce. She didn't de-sat once in the chair, she loved it! That means within the next little while, we'll be able to introduce the swing! Big steps!

She's HUGE now.....the last time I blogged about her updates, she weighed 4lbs. 14 1/2oz. Today when we weighed her, she weighed 2400 grams, which translates into 5lbs.5oz.! She not only hit the 5lb. mark, but she's way surpassed it! She's so big, and she looks like a normal newborn baby now....she's easier to handle, and it's not as scary! The hair that she had on her forehead when she was born has fallen out and the unibrow she had is gone....and her eyebrows have actually fallen out. She was super duper hairy when she was born, and they told us as she grows and stretches, it would even out....it totally did! She still has tons of hair on her head and it stands straight up in the air. Especially right after we give her a bath....it's so soft and fuzzy and sticks straight up! She's beautiful....I know I'm biased because she's my daughter, but I can sit and stare at her all day long.....just thinking how beautiful she is and how lucky and blessed I am that she's alive and doing so well!

She's now getting 40ml of milk every 3 hours, and they haven't changed the formula for how they mix it. It's obviously working and she's growing like a weed! :)

She'll be 3 months old the day after Christmas, I can't believe it's been that long already.....it's truly been so amazing to see her grow from a 25 weeker to an almost 37 weeker...and to get a glimpse of an idea of what goes on during those weeks in utero. That's what the NICU does, they grow babies for us moms who weren't able to grow them ourselves. I'm grateful for them! There are so many people here that are so worried about her, how she's progressing, what will help her progress more, what they need to change or add to help her.....she is very very loved, we honestly feel and see if from everyone who takes care of her, and we are so grateful!

Today was her bath day....and Ova's day to bath her....and after her bath, they are both exhausted and they ALWAYS fall asleep together snoring and all. Precious moments!

Sound asleep with her fuzzy fuzzy hair! :-)

We LOVE you baby....and we're so PROUD of you!

Stocking Gift Exchange

2011-12-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

I was invited by Cia Lealao to a Stocking Gift Exchange party.....she got the idea off Pinterest and decided to put one together, and it was so much fun! :) She sent an invite out through fb and everyone had to respond by a certain date....and at that date, the party would be closed! I thought it was so clever because then we knew exactly how many people were going to be there, and how many people we had to buy gifts for. Since it was a stocking exchange party, we all brought our own stockings and a stocking stuffer gift to pass out to everyone else there. We potlucked....lots of delicious food....especially Cia's mom's spinach dip.....I seriously think I could have eaten the whole bowl....hahaha, it was that good! There were 8 people total that showed up to the party, so it was small and sweet! We all got there and started eating as we were visiting with each other and then when the eating was done and everyone was there, we headed to the living room to play some Christmas 'minute to win it' games that Cia had come up with. It was hilarious and so much fun!

We divided into teams of two and for the first game we put vaseline on our noses and we had a ribbon in our mouth that had a red pom pom ball on the end of it....we had to try to get the red ball to stick to the tip of our noses....the first one that got it, won!

First up: Mele vs. Lala

Mele won that one...

Next up: Me vs. Luisa

Isa totally got it on the first try......she won!

Last up: Dianna vs. Lina

Lina totally won that one

Next game was HILARIOUS!! So funny that I was too busy laughing to take pictures of everyone....only snapped these couple of Mele and Lina.....haha.....the game was to carry an ornament across the room with your lips (hands behind your back) and hang in on a ribbon.....too funny!

The third game we played was where we put an oreo cookie on our forehead and tried to get it into our mouths without using our hands.....that game was funny too!

Then the last game was holding one hand behind our backs, we had to take apart a stack of plastic cups and stack them into a pyramid....fastest one won!

After the games were done, we all sat around in a circle and passed out our gifts to each other while sharing something about ourselves that nobody there would know. I loved it because I got to meet some new people, and get to know the people I already knew a little better! We got tons of cute little stocking stuffer gifts from everyone and just enjoyed everyone's company.

I wish I would have taken more pictures, especially of the whole group....I didn't get any of Cia's mom, such a sweet lady....or of Cia!

This was such a great GNO, and the perfect break and girl time I needed! Love these ladies a lot!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2011-12-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

Baby Katea's nurse Anjanette made this adorable santa hat and leg warmers, just for her. She's a bit spoiled by all her nurses! They love her just as much as she loves them!

We finally made time to put up our Christmas decorations, thanks to my three little helpers! All the Christmas vinyl is up...

Our tree is up and decorated!

One of the parent support people, and our good friend Tricia made this adorable Christmas name tag to hang on baby's bed...

Even Baby Katea has her own little Christmas tree...

We bought a little angel ornament for baby Katea's tree....just a reminder of her twin sister baby Cindy! We'll put it on our tree every year, from now on...

The NICU let all parents be part of their Christmas celebration by letting all of us bring one ornament to adorn the Christmas tree in their lobby.....when we went to look for one, Ova picked this one, and it's absolutely perfect for the NICU tree!

When we were looking for the ornament for the NICU tree, Ova found this one....that totally made me cry. We bought it and put it on our tree at home....it will also be one that we use every year from now on....always remembering baby Cindy!

Christmas is just around the corner....I can't believe it's only 10 days away. This year feels different to me, I don't really feel like it's the holidays......maybe because it's not snowing yet, maybe because my little family is not all together, maybe because I didn't go black Friday shopping, maybe because I haven't bought one single thing yet......maybe a little bit of everything. My neice Lote called me the other day and asked what I wanted for Christmas....she said she had to do a report for her class on what most people are asking for during this season....she wanted me to tell her something materialistic...something that can be bought from the store....but to be honest, I don't want anything that can be bought from the store....all I want for Christmas is for my baby Katea to continue to grow and progress so that we can all be together as a family sometime soon....that's all I really want!

I am, however extremely grateful during this holiday season.....grateful for my little family, my wonderful husband and all my kids....grateful for my parents and siblings....grateful for everything we have already been blessed with...home, vehicles, food, etc....grateful for Ova's job....grateful for Gramma Tea and everything she does....grateful for miracles, because they really do happen! Grateful for the NICU staff, especially our primary nurses.....we LOVE each of them so much and are so grateful for everything they do for our precious baby girl, and for us.....grateful for all our family, friends and even strangers who have shown their love and blessed our lives. We are blessed, we know we are....and we are so grateful! I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful holiday season!

All I want for Christmas

2011-12-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

This little Christmas card that Meredith made is perfect!!.....we've been told that if she can grow in length, her lungs will grow and develop and get stronger and she'll need less oxygen, and she'll get to start eating with her mouth instead of getting her food pumped into her stomach! So its true...all she or us wants for Christmas is for her to grow and inch or two in length!!

She's well on her way to getting what she wants! Yay! They adjusted her feedings again, just up'd the amount due to her weight...but she's still getting the 27 calories with microlipids and 2 scoops of protein.....and yesterday(Sunday) we were able to see how much it's working for her! She's up to 38ml of food every 3 hours....and it's totally working.....she's growing!

I love Sunday's because that's the day that they measure her head circumfrence and her length.....they weigh her everyday, but measurments are only done once a week. Yesterday, she grew 4 centimeters in length, 1 1/2 centimeter in head circumfrence, and she gained weight! She's now up to 4lbs.14 1/2oz. (only 1 1/2oz. more to be at 5lbs.) and she's almost 18 inches long! She has come so far, I can't believe how big she is!

When I walked in her room yesterday, Meredith was holding her, rocking her and talking to her....and she gave me the awesome news! I got to start non-nutritive feedings! Non-nutritive feeding is where I pump first to get all the milk out and then I let her suck to make sure she can latch on.....she did amazingly well! They only wanted me to try for 10 minutes so she wouldn't get overwhelmed.....but she did amazing! It was almost as if she was waiting for something to come out....haha....she would suck for a while, then stop and look around...then suck again! I was so happy that we're finally at that stage....maybe now, my milk supply will increase(fingers crossed). I get to do that once a day, everyday now! They start with non-nutritive so she can get used to it....so that when the time comes that she actually gets to start eating from the breast, it won't be such a shocker to her! Big steps my baby girl is taking, I'm so proud of her! :)

In rounds yesterday morning they talked about how she's been completely stable with her Fi02 consistantly between 26-33%.....the original plan was to wait until she gets her Fi02 down to 24% for a couple days before weining her oxygen, but it's been 11 days on 4.5 liters.....and she's stable....it's just her Fi02 isn't going down. They decided in briefing yesterday morning to order a chest x-ray for this morning to make sure her lungs were expanded and open....and if the x-ray looked good, they would turn her down 1/2 a liter. Well, her x-ray looked awesome, so they were able to turn her down to 4 liters. We're gonna sit there for a while to let her get used to a little less pressure on her lungs! Baby steps is what we have to take, and baby steps are working! :)

The NNP came in and updated me today on my baby Katea.....she told me that she was doing amazing and they were really happy with her progress. I'm a very proud mama.....she is amazing.....and I'm really happy too!

With the way things are going, we're hopefully looking at taking her home sometime mid-January! We're not really focusing too much on when we get to bring her home quite yet though, we're putting all our energy, prayers and hope on her progressing how she needs to.....and when she gets there, she'll get to come home! My mom and dad came up to visit her again a couple days ago and all my dad kept saying over and over was for us not to push the doctors.....just let them tell us when she's ready, don't push them to let us take her home......and honestly, we're not in any rush at all to take her home. Don't get me wrong, of course that's where we want her, so our whole family can be together.....but as long as it takes for her to be READY is ok with us. We are well aware of how lucky and blessed we are that she's alive and doing so well....we see miracles every day with the progress she makes....we're forever grateful for everything the NICU staff is doing for her. We are so thankful and count our blessings everyday!

I'm blogging right now during the hour the NICU is closed for shift change.....hopefully today she'll hit the 5lb. mark! Good job my beautiful baby Katea....you're amazing, I can't say it enough! :)

Angels among us

2011-12-09T10:22:00.001-07:00

I got a postcard in the mail last week for the Redwood Memorial Estates annual Christmas Devotional. They were inviting us for a night of celebrating our loved ones who have passed on. A night that we could spend remembering our baby Cindy. They provided each family with several luminaries to put around the gravesite and also a sky lantern, which is like a mini hot air balloon to send off into the sky. Since the devotional fell on a Monday, I thought it would be the perfect FHE.

It hasn't snowed here yet, but it does get pretty cold at night, so we all bundled up and headed to the cemetary. The devotional was from 5-8pm....and we got there at about 530. When we walked into the mortuary, there were tons of luminaries (paper bags cut with different designs...put inside a plastic bag with sand to weigh it down, and a candle) lined up along the wall. They told us to go ahead and take as many as we needed and then head over to the table to customize them. We grabbed one for each of us....to put around baby Cindy's grave....then headed over to the table where we all wrote little notes to Cindy and signed our names on the bags.

They had a light dinner there for everyone, but we didn't want to have to carry the luminaries around all night, so we decided to take them to baby Cindy's grave and spend a little time there....then we'd come back for the launch of the sky lanterns and then we'd grab something to eat. I'm not going to explain in detail what happened the rest of that night, I'm going to post some pictures to show you..... Pay attention to the sky in all the pictures!

At this point we're watching everyone launch their sky lanterns and Ova leans over to me and says "I feel her here with us".....right after that, I snapped this picture

And then this one...

And then my camera would not take any more pictures....I tried several times, but it wouldn't work. The battery was full, I still had room on my memory card....but it would not take another picture. I have no doubt in my mind that she was there with us, along with many other spirits.......I had been taking pictures all night with a clear dark sky.....not until this moment did these blurbs appear. Then after about 15 minutes I tried one more time to take another picture and this time it worked, and this is what I got....

An absolutely clear dark sky.

I felt overwhelmed. I cried. I know my daughter was there with us. There truly are angels among us!

Show Appreciation

2011-12-09T01:14:00.002-07:00

Since Makai is off track, I was able to go to the hospital early yesterday....I wanted to make it in time for the rounds so I could see what the plan was for baby Katea, and what the next steps were. It was actually very informative and the Neonatalogist, Dr. Melleske explained things very well....he even drew me a little diagram showing me the different steps of lung development in babies with chronic lung disease. He explained that all the steps are distinct and they all happen, but there is no time frame that he could give me on how quickly each baby can get to the next phase. Baby Katea is stable right now, but he doesn't want to rush her or force her (by weining the oxygen liters too quickly) because sometimes the trauma of being rushed if the baby is not ready....makes them go backwards and they have to start all over again....and it causes even more damage to their little lungs. Honestly, I like his plan.....and I understand that it could take a while. He was telling me that this is probably around the time where most parents get frustrated because they feel like nothing is being done. I can see how some parents could feel like that, but I don't. Katea has been on 4.5 liters of oxygen for a week already and no other changes have been made....but I know that they're taking it slow with her, for her own good, so why get frustrated? He told me that they wanted her Fi02 to be consistantly at 24% for a few days before he'll even think about weining.....she's still between 27-30%....so we still wait for her!

I know her growth has been an issue, and they've been trying different things to get her to grow and gain weight. To me, she's growing....so I was glad I got to be there to ask the Neo what exactly their goal was, how much weight do they want her to be gaining everyday for them to be happy with her growth. He explained that it wasn't necessarily her weight gain that they were worried about....it was her length. She's been gaining weight just fine, but she hasn't been growing lengthwise. Growth in length means development of lungs. He told me he's not too worried about her lungs right now, he's more worried about her nutrition and getting her to grow, and then her lungs would grow and develop. If they don't give her the proper nutrition, she won't grow because she'll be burning all the calories working so hard to breathe, that's why they've been focusing on getting the right mixture for her feedings....so she can grow.

She had another eye exam yesterday, and nothing has changed there. She's still at a zone 2, stage 1 mild ROP. They've scheduled another eye exam for two weeks.....they'll do them every two weeks until her eyes are developed!

The Neo asked me if I had any other questions.....I didn't, he answered everything I had on my mind.....but I wanted to take a few minutes to thank them for everything they're doing for Katea.....I was really trying hard not to cry, but yeah right....hahaha.....I cried! It was a good opportunity for me to thank everyone...because everyone is at the rounds, nurses, RT's, pharmacists, neonatalogists....everyone..... I don't think they get enough credit or recognition for what they do....they are lifesavers, miracle workers....and I'm so thankful for them!

I've heard a lot of stories about parents who get frustrated or angry...or just burnt out....and I've been told that I will get to that point at some time.... but to be honest, I don't understand that. I've heard with my own ears parent's talking negativly about the Dr's or staff and I even heard a mom the other day in the parent's lougne saying that she would be so mad if her baby wasn't home by Christmas...that this would be the worst Christmas ever. I just don't understand that. I know everybody is different and life in the NICU can get really frustrating, I mean, it truly is an emotional rollercoaster....but they warned us about that from the very beginning....I just think why focus on the negative? I've been going to the NICU every single day for almost 2 1/2 months.....and even though I get so tired of that place, I can't get angry or upset.....all I feel is gratitude for these amazing people. I feel like if you're getting mad because your baby can't come home it's like getting mad at your baby for not being ready to come home...it's not the nurses or doctor's fault. Like I said before, they don't get enough credit for everything they do!

It's been weighing on my mind a lot lately, so I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to teach my kids how important it is to show appreciation in everything. Last night when Ova was at work, I was sitting on my bed watching t.v. with my kids and I turned the t.v. off. I asked them to tell me some things they were thankful for. Makai said "but mom, Thanksgiving is over....now it's Christmas" I was so irritated that he said that, but instead of getting mad....I asked him "so are you telling me that you can only be thankful for things during Thanksgiving?" He said no, and I asked him what he's thankful for. He said he thankful for me, and his dad for working hard, and G-ma Tea for taking care of them. I asked Mone and he said the same thing. They asked me what I'm thankful for and I told them I was thankful for Ova, for each of them, and for the Dr's and nurses that are taking care of baby Katea. Immediately Makai said "oh yeah, I'm thankful for them too because if it wasn't for them, baby wouldn't be alive" I told him he was right and that we needed to always TELL or SHOW the people that we're thankful for, that we're thankful for them. I asked them what they could do to show me and dad that they were thankful for us......they said listen, clean their room, don't fight with each other.....and then Makai asked me how I show the Dr's and nurses that I'm thankful for them...I said that I tell them all the time, and I blog about how grateful I am. He asked me how he could thank them since he can't go into the NICU anymore.....and I told him he could write a note or draw a picture and I'd take it and hang it up. We spent the next little while drawing and coloring pictures for our nurses. I think it's so important to show appreciation for the people or things that you've been blessed with. I want my kids to really understand that, and to always show appreciation when it's due.

Makai's letter to the nurses

Mone's letter to the nurses

Honeymoon

2011-12-06T01:23:00.001-07:00

So the nurses have been telling me that they think baby Katea is out of her 'honeymoon' period....and now she's showing the real her. It's actually a really good analogy because the honeymoon of a marriage is all bliss and happiness and then when you get back home, it's back to reality...haha.

She went to high flow on Thursday, and did awesome! They started her out on 5 liters and not to long after...on that same day, they turned her down to 4. She did so well and everyone was so happy with how well she was progressing. They made quite a few other changes that day as well....they changed her feedings from an hour to 30 minutes, they started to wein her hydrocortizone, they added iron to her vitamins, they up'd her feedings. Just a lot of changes. But she was doing so well with everything, that it was ok. There was talk on Thursday night to go down even more on her oxygen, to maybe 3 liters.....but thankfully Meredith, one of our primary nurses was on that night and she advised against it. That's what's so nice about having primary nurses....they know her so well and they know what she needs. We already learned that baby Katea doesn't like us to move too fast, so she was firm with not weining her down another liter. I'm glad she did that!

Her 'honeymoon' period lasted about a day and then she started showing small signs of distress. Her Fi02 was swinging quite a bit, and she even had a few ABD episodes. She just didn't seem like she was comfortable, and something wasn't right. The thing is that so many things were changed at once on Thursday, that it's a little hard to tell what exactly it was that she wasn't tolerating. They ended up going back up on her oxygen to 4.5 liters, and we're going to sit there for a while. I'm really glad that they didn't end up going all the way down to 3 liters, it just makes me think she might have failed hard and would have had to be put back on the tubes.....thank you Meredith for preventing that! :) That's why we LOVE our primary nurses!

The also moved her feedings back to an hour and that seems to be working better. Her bowels have been working really well, pretty much since she's been born.....she's been peeing and having stools on a regular basis. Lately she's been really gassy and her stools have been so runny that it looks like she has diarreha. Her little bottom started to get red, so we were putting an ointment to help prevent a rash. They aren't really sure why she all the sudden is having such loose stools, because it could be a number of things. One thing they've done to try and remedy it is they changed the formula for her food she gets. She's still getting the 27 calories, with betaprotein...but they're adding microlipids to the mix. So now, she's getting 33ml of breastmilk fortified with human milk fortifier to 24 calories, added microlipids(fat) that takes it up to the 27 calories, with a scoop of betaprotein. It really amazes me at the science that goes into everything that happens here. All the difficult formulas that have to be calculated so these babies can get exactly the dosage they need, not more and not less. It's amazing!

Her weight gain has slowed down quite a bit....probably because she's been pooping so much....but the NNP's are concerned that she's not gaining or growing enough. She had a huge weight gain yesterday, she jumped up 65grams and now weighs 1975, which translates into 4lbs.5oz. but the days before that, she either didn't gain or she only gained 5-10grams. They don't look at the weight gain for one day, they look at the whole week....and well, she didn't gain that much this week. Yesterday, she didn't grow in length at all either. To me, she's grown a ton....I mean from 1 lb. to 4 lbs. is huge in 2 months, but they would like her to be growing more and faster. Today when I got there, Stacey was there. She told me they had changed her feedings. She'd been a little higher on her Fi02, like between 27-33%, which is still ok, but higher than she'd been....and if she could just grow, her lungs would get stronger. The plan they'd made in their rounds this morning was to increase her feedings from 33ml to 37ml.....and possibly fortify it to 30 calories instead of 27. Just to try and get her to gain weight and grow. She got her first feeding at 2pm today, Stacey didn't want to jump 4ml so quickly so for that feeding she gave her 35ml, fortified to 27 calories....just the same formula I explained before but 2 more ml. I noticed that she was squirming a lot more and she acted like she was uncomfortable....and she spit up a bit. When I called to see how she was doing tonight, the nurse told me that she wasn't tolerating the up'd feedings.....I guess at the 5pm cares they gave her the 37ml and she spit up then too. So, they changed the plan back to the 33ml fortified to 27 calories....but they're doubling the betaprotein (giving her two scoops)....wow, that's a lot of information isn't it! haha but that's what's going on with my baby girl!

She's still on 4.5 liters of oxygen and she's going to be there for a while.....the plan is not to force her, but to go at her pace. When she can consistantly keep her Fi02 at 24-25%, then they'll go down a half a liter....they'll wait at 4 liters until she's consistanly at 24-25%, and then go down a half a liter more.....it'll take a little while for her to get down to the 2 liters to be able to start breastfeeding, but that's totally ok! The NNP's and nurses don't want to rush her, and neither do we. There was a glimmer of hope that we might be able to take her home for Christmas....but not anymore....and honestly, we're in no rush at all. We're happy to stay in the NICU as long as we need to so that she can be READY to come home....no matter how long she needs!

Grateful for the staff at the NICU, especially our primary nurses....I know I've said it a million times, but I really am so grateful for everything they do for my baby girl! I'm not looking at these changes as steps backwards....but more as Katea's timeframe, and we all need to figure out what that is and get onboard! Afterall, she's the boss!

Bathtime

2011-12-06T00:21:00.000-07:00

Since baby Katea L.O.V.E.D her first bath, and she tolerated it really well....they told us we could bath her twice a week now. Her official bath days are Monday and Friday! A week ago today was her second bath, she was still on the nasal IMV....so it was tricky, but she loved it! I got to get her all soap'd up and scrubbed her down while our nurse Stacey held her......there wasn't anybody there to take pictures, so I had to stop scrubbing for a minute to snap a couple! :)

One of our primary nurses Stacey helping Katea take a bath!

Big yawn! Bathtime is hard work! :)

Thursday was the big day....the day she got to kick the nasal IMV and switch to the high flow nasal canula. Since Ova works graves, and down in Orem, we decided that it would be best if he tried to sleep during the day so he would be awake enough to drive down and work every night. And then we'd spend most of our weekend days at the hospital with baby Katea. I go to the hospital every single day and just keep him updated with her progress and everything that happens everyday. This plan seems to be working just fine, but I know it's really hard on him because he wants to see her everyday. I keep telling him not to feel bad because she knows he loves her and that he has to work to support our family. It makes the weekends even more special for both of them!

Friday was going to be a big day for both baby Katea and for Ova.....it would be the first time he got to see his daughter without tubes down her nose or throat, and the first time he'd actually get to kiss her little lips. And for her, it would be bath day.....so that meant the first time her daddy got to give her a bath!

As soon as we walked into her room on Friday morning, he went straight to her crib and started giggling.....he does that when he's happy, and emotional...and trying not to cry! He put the rail down on her crib and bent down really close to her and started talking to her. Told her he was proud of her, that she was so beautiful and that he loved her....and then the kissing began....it was like he couldn't take his lips off her....hahaha, big kisses all over her face. All the kisses he'd been saving up for her in the 2 months she'd been alive were given in that moment....it was so sweet! Since she's on high flow now, we get to hold her everyday....so he took her out of her crib and spent some quality father/daughter bonding time with her before her bath!

Stacey got her bath stuff all ready and then she told us that we could take over and give her the bath...and she'd take pictures for us. She's so sweet...we really love her! My job was to hold her in place so she doesn't slide everywhere and Ova was the one that got to scrub her down. She enjoyed every minute of it....she loves her bathtime!

Thinking ahhhhhh this is nice! :)

Daddy washing her hair with a toothbrush...

After the bath was over, daddy got to dry her off and get her all dressed

And this is my most favorite picture of all.....her listening to her daddy as he talks to her! :)

She has been doing so well, and we're so proud of her amazing progress!

Tube-less

2011-12-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how amazing my baby Katea is?? If I haven't.....SHE IS AMAZING!! Today was an amazing day....really, this week has been an amazing week! After she got over the trauma of her immunizations, and the massive amounts of boogers that were clogging her nasal prongs.....they were able to get her back down to where she was at....12 breaths a minute from the machine. She did so well with that that they decided to keep up with their plan of weining 3 breaths every 12 hours......until she gets to zero.

When I walked in her room on Monday, she was on 9 breaths. That night she went down to 6 breaths....Tuesday morning down to 3........and Tuesday night down to zero!! Yay! They wanted to keep her there for a little bit to make sure she was still gonna tolerate it before making any big changes...especially since that meant she was doing ALL the work on her own! She did awesome....so they planned to move forward. The plan was to turn her PEEP down to 5 on Wednesday and let her stay on the lowest PEEP and zero breaths....if she did well with that, then they would take her nasal prongs out, and put her on a high flow nasal canula....which is what most people have when they're on oxygen...the two small prongs in their nose and the hose goes behind their ears. That goal seemed so far away just a week ago....but now it was almost going to happen!

She did awesome all day on Wednesday....she was breathing on her own and her Fi02 was below 30% all day long.....so guess what???!!!! Today......Thursday December 1st, 2011.....66 days old, 2 months 5 days old.....almost 35 weeks gestation.....she's officially TUBE-FREE!! Whoo-hoo! No more tube down her throat, no more tubes(prongs) down her nose to the back of her throat.......just the nasal canula giving her oxygen to support her! She's amazing and I'm so proud of her!

They put her on a high flow nasal canula....starting out getting 5 liters of oxygen......she did so well with that, that they were able to go down to 4 liters already today! We're just gonna hang out there for a little while to make sure she continues to tolerate it....and we'll just wein slowly from there....so far, so good! She's been doing awesome and her Fi02 has been mostly under 30%...which is exactly where we want it! Once she gets down to 2 liters of oxygen, thats when she gets to start breastfeeding.....that's our next big goal! I can't say it enough.....she's AMAZING!

Other changes she's made..... she's up to 32ml of breastmilk every 3 hours fortified to 27 calories, with betaprotein....and they're back to giving it to her over 30 minutes instead of an hour. They are going to start weining her hydrocortizone, and we're praying this time, since she's bigger, she'll tolerate it better than last time! They've added iron to her vitamins.......and she's gaining weight!! Today she weighed 1865 grams, which translates into 4lbs.2oz.!!

This was an amazing week....she's making amazing progress....I'm so happy!

(Wednesday night w/ the nasal IMV)

(Today on the high flow nasal canula!)

Foot Turkey

2011-11-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen??!! I think so! Baby Katea's nurse Meredith made it with her footprints on Thanksgiving day! Love it! :)

She also made a Thanksgiving card from baby Katea for her brother's and sister....

Love our nurses....can't say enough about how great they are....besides saving our baby's life.....and providing us parents emotional support and information.....they also make us these cute little things that we can keep and cherish. I'm so grateful for them!

Daddy's turn...

2011-11-30T23:19:00.054-07:00

I've been able to hold my baby Katea several times....the first time she was 11 days old.....she did so well with that that they let me hold her once a week for an hour. I looked forward to every chance I got to hold her. When she hit 6 weeks, I had held her 6 times already. When she was extubated and on the CPAP and nasal IMV, I got to hold her more often...maybe twice or if I was lucky 3 times a week. Now that she's in an open crib, and she's more awake and aware of things....she's constantly looking for more social interaction....which means I get to hold her every single day, several times a day! Yay! :)

I've been asking Ova since I first got to hold her....if he wanted to. Even though she could only be held once a week in the beginning, I was willing to share that time with him. He never wanted to...he was just scared and intimidated because she's so tiny and he didn't want his big hands to hurt her. At first it was ok, we were happy with him being involved with changing her diaper and taking her temperature...so I just took all the opportunities to hold her....but lately she really needed her daddy, so we've been trying to push him a little more.

He would keep telling me to just hold her and then while I was holding her, he would kiss her little head over and over again. We kept telling him that once she hit's 3 pounds, she won't be so tiny anymore, so he'll have no excuse not to hold her. He just kept laughing at our attempts to pursuade him. One of our primary nurses, Meredith, helped baby Katea make this cute little note for him....to help him understand how much she wanted her daddy to hold her.

(excuse the smear...Lautala got a hold of it!)

When Ova saw this little note, he kinda giggled about it.....but it worked! On Wednesday November 23rd, baby Katea got to snuggle with her daddy for the very first time! It was such a special moment, and Ova even started to cry a little, just overwhelmed at how grateful we are for our tiny little miracle. He kept looking down at her, smelling her hair, kissing her little head.....it was so special to sit there and watch the bond between father and daughter.

(Meredith helping get all the wires situated)

Special father/daughter moment

And they both got so comfortable bonding with each other that they both knocked out....snoring and all! haha It was so cute, we didn't bother them the whole time. He got to hold her for 3 whole hours, and she did amazingly well. Her oxygen needs went down, she was breathing way over the machine and she was calm and comfortable. She LOVES her daddy! Now I'm afraid I'm gonna have to fight him on who's turn it is to hold her! hahaha Big steps!

So Thankful....for His hands

2011-11-29T23:59:00.001-07:00

I always remember a lesson one of my institute teachers taught me a long time ago, before I left on my mission. He told us a story of a huge storm that hit a small town....it was a really bad storm with lots and lots of rain, wind and flooding. The streets were covered with water and it kept getting higher and higher. There was an evacuation notice sent out long before the storm got too severe, but there was this one certain man who didn't listen to the evacuation warnings....he believed in God, and he believed that God would save him. As the storm got worse and worse and the water rose higher and higher.....he was more in danger of drowning. He climbed out his window onto the roof of his house to escape the water below. He sat on his roof as the water rose higher and the current got stronger....and he kept saying that he wasn't scared because he knew that God would save him. He watched as the force of the water carried cars and trucks down the road, but he still wasn't scared. A man in a boat came by his house and asked him to get in. The man refused and said "no, it's ok, God's gonna save me"....the man in the boat begged him to get in, but he wouldn't....so he left without him. A little while later, a helicopter came to try and rescue him...the man said the same thing "it's ok, God's gonna save me" the helicopter operator pleaded with him to please get in or he would die, because he could see the water was getting higher and higher. The man refused to get in the helicopter, he had so much faith and he knew that God would save him. The helicopter took off and the man was still on the roof of his house....the water got higher and higher and the force of the current stronger and stronger. The water eventually covered the roof of his house, and the man drowned and died.

When he got to heaven he asked God "why didn't you save me? I believed and had so much faith in you...why didn't you save me?"

God responded "I sent you a boat to save you, you didn't want that....I sent you a helicopter to save you, you didn't want that either.....what did you expect? Did you think I was going to reach my hand down and pick you off that roof myself to save you?"

The man was silent.

The moral of the story was that God, in so many ways uses other people and things to help "save us" and help us through our difficult times. We need to have faith in him, but we need to see his hand through the help of other people. He purposefully places people in our lives at certain times and for certain reasons....and it's just as if He was reaching down himself to help us.

I've thought a lot about this story lately....and have noticed how many times I've seen His hand through other people during this whole ordeal we've been faced with. With it being Thanksgiving...and a time to reflect on all that we have and all we're grateful for.....I'm constantly reminded of these people.

I got a call from Sister Choke, the relief society president of the palangi ward in our neighborhood. They had heard about everything that happened with me, losing baby Cindy....having baby Katea so early and that she'll be in the hospital until January. As soon as she heard about it, she came knocking on my door. She wanted to see if there was anything I needed, or anything she or the relief society sisters could do to help me out. She came not to long after Katea was born, when I was still an emotional wreck everyday....and her kindness made my emotions flare even more. I was so touched that they would think of me, especially since we're not in their ward. She asked me if it would be ok for them to bring us dinner for a week. I thanked her so much for the offer, but told her it was ok because we're not even in her ward...we go to the Tongan ward. She simply said that it didn't matter what ward we attended, we are all sisters in the gospel and we're in the neighborhood...and they wanted to help us however they could. I cried and thanked her over and over again. When she got up to leave she gave me the biggest hug and told me that everything would be ok and then she asked me how to spell Katea's name. She told me she had gone to the temple the night before and put her name in, but that she totally spelled her name wrong....she giggled and said "I hope He knows who I was talking about" and I said "I'm sure He did"....she wanted the correct spelling so that she could put her name in again when she went back in a couple days. She left that night and I sat and cried.....for a long time. That whole week the ward members brought food for our family.....they went all out and brought full 4 course meals every single day. I really don't think they understand how much those meals helped me. I'm so extremely grateful for them! After the week passed, Sister Choke came by again to visit. She asked me again how I was doing and if I needed anything. She asked me if I wanted them to bring more meals. I thanked her and told her that it was ok. What they'd done for me was so much already and I really appreciated it. She told me she'd keep in touch and that if I needed anything, not to hesitate....but to let her know. I gave her a big hug as she left......so so thankful for her and the relief society and the whole ward for everything they had done for my little family...especially since they didn't have to. The Bishop of the palangi ward stopped by my house a couple times too...just to see how I was doing, to check up on baby Katea and see how she was doing. He offered a prayer in my home and blessed my whole family and baby Katea with comfort. I am so grateful for them. To be honest, I was feeling a little down.....I'd had probably the most difficult time in my life the past few months, both emotionally and physically....and I broke down to Ova one night about how I didn't feel like my ward even cared about me at all. I know they don't have to do anything, but I just always thought that's what the relief society was for....to help sister's that are in need. Never once did they visit or even call....not when I was in the hospital for a month, not when my baby Cindy died....and not since baby Katea's been born. I'm really more hurt and sad about it than anything....just feeling like I they don't care and I'm not important. Just a couple days after having that conversation with Ova....Sister Choke showed up on my doorstep. If that was not a direct answer straight from Heavenly Father to my prayer and need to be loved....I don't know what is. As if everything they'd already done wasn't enough, I was visiting baby Katea the night before Halloween and I got a phone call from Sister Choke. She was just calling to check on me and to see how baby Katea was doing. She's so sweet and truly a woman of God. She told me that she had met with her presidency and their ward compassion leader and they decided that they wanted to make my family dinner twice a week, every week until baby Katea came home. I couldn't even say anything....I just started crying. She was calling to ask me which days worked best for us, and they would bring dinner the same two days every week. I thanked her so much and told her that she really didn't have to do that.....it was way too much, and plus baby Katea wouldn't even come home until January....and that's a long time! She just told me she knew, they'd talked about that when they met and that they really wanted to do this. Her exact words to me were: (and I'll never forget them) "Monica, this is one of those things where the giver gets the joy....so please don't take that away from us" I almost couldn't talk because I was so emotional. Just overwhelmed with gratitude for her and her ward....who showed that they loved me and my little family, even though they didn't know me. We decided that Monday and Tuesdays would be the best days....and starting that week....every single Monday and Tuesday....a different member of their ward has brought us dinner. I am so overwhelmed and grateful for them.

Another person I'm so grateful for....is my husband Ova. I honestly thank my Heavenly Father everyday for him. I feel like I'm so lucky and blessed to be with him for eternity....cause I don't know who else would be able to put up with such a clingy wife...haha. He's always there when I need him, and he's really the only person I want. I put a lot of pressure on him.....when I'm sad, he's the only one I want to make me happy.....when I'm having a bad day, he's the one I want to cheer me up......when someone is mean to me or hurts my feelings, he's the one that hugs me and makes me feel better...and gets mad at whoever hurt me..haha. He knows I'm the biggest crybaby, and he's ok with it. He lets me cry when I need to, and he makes fun of me sometimes when I cry to lighten the mood. He just knows me and exactly what I need, when I need it. When I got admitted to the hospital, he took two months off work just to be with me. He never left my side throughout everything that happened, he was always there...literally, like right next to me. He cried with me, lifted me up when I was down, made me laugh when I was having a bad day.....and was just there all the time when I needed him most. There was a million other things he could have been doing, but he chose to be with me....and I'm so grateful for him! If I could have it my way, we'd be together 24-7....but I think he cherishes his time away from me so he can breathe...haha. j/k

Ova's work is another one I'm extremely grateful for. Honestly, it's a huge blessing that he was even able to get that job so quickly...when so many other people have been applying and have been waiting for months and months to even get an interview. I don't know of any other job that would do for anyone what they have done for us. He works for US Synthetic and he started back in July....the way their company works is that they don't hire anyone directly, everyone has to go through SOS Staffing and work as a temp for 90 days...and if they like how you work, after the 90 days they'll hire you on permanantly. Since he started in July, his 90 day probation would have went until October.....he was honest and open with them about our situation, and they did everything they could to work with him. Seriously, I'm overwhelmed at what they did for us. When we found out that baby Cindy died, they sent me flowers and gave Ova some time off work. All the many times I was rushed to the emergency room while I was pregnant, he just had to call and let them know what was going on and they would either let him stay home or come in late. When I got admitted to the hospital, I was sure he was going to lose his job.....but they gave him time off....and they told him not to worry about his job, to take as much time as he needed and to let them know when he was ready to come back. Ova took almost two months off.....all of September to be with me in the hospital, and most of October to be with me and baby Katea. He called them towards the end of October and told them he was ready to go back, and they started him the next day. He was a temp...not even a permanent employee, and they still did all that for him. I am forever grateful for that company for allowing my husband to be with me when I needed him the most, and for making sure he still had a job.

I can't say enough about the staff at the IMC NICU. I'm seriously forever indebted to them for everything they're doing for my little miracle. We have our primary nurses (nurses that we chose, who specifically take care of Katea when they're there.....just to provide more consistant care) and I just love each of them so much. Anjanette, Meredith, Annica, Charise and Stacey.....they are my baby's 2nd mom when I'm not there. I try to be at the NICU as often as I can...but when I'm not able to be there, I know she's being well taken care of. All the NNP's the RT's the Neonatalogists......everyone has such a huge part of baby Katea's progress and I'm so grateful for them. They have a group at the NICU called Common Bonds, it's a group of mom's who have been in my situation...with preemies...who have taken time out of their lives to come back to the NICU to help us new and inexperienced NICU moms cope. They're positive attitudes and outlooks have helped me so many times. They hold classes on different things we might need to know, they take pictures of our babies and scrapbook them for us...I have a special page for Halloween, her 1 month, Thanksgiving, her first bath, when she hit 4 pounds....and I'm sure I'll get a lot more. I appreciate so much all they do for me in making my stay at the NICU a little more bearable! It's crazy because as much as I can't wait to be able to take my baby Katea home....I'm honestly going to miss all the friends I've made at the NICU. They are amazing, miracle workers and like I said before...I'm forever endebted to them for everything they've done for me and my baby Katea!

I'm grateful for my kids...every single one of them....Makai, Filimone and Lautala. I'm grateful for their understanding throughout this whole situation. To be honest, I had a really rough time at first worrying and stressing about how I'm going to be able to divide my time between everything I had to do...but my kids, being so understanding has helped ease my stress level. I was worried that they would get mad or resent me for needing to spend so much time away from home, at the hospital...but they don't, and I'm grateful for that. They know and understand that I love them so much, but that their baby sister really needs me right now. So I think I've finally figured out how to juggle things to make them work. I wake up when Makai gets up to get ready for school....I make breakfast for Mone and Lautala and I spend the morning with them...we eat lunch together and play and watch tv....then I pick up Makai from school and then I head to the hospital....I'm at the hospital from about 4-9pm and then I come home and read or do homework with Makai. We usually end up falling asleep all together on my bed, watching movies at around midnight. That's super late, I know...but we're just a night owl kinda family! I feel good about this schedule and it's working for us right now. It'll be nice when baby Katea gets to come home, cause then I'll get to spend a lot of time with all my kids at once!

I'm so extremely grateful for my baby Katea. She amazes me every single day. The fight she has and the progress she's made is unbelieveable. I guess you never really realize until it happens to you, or someone you know.....I will admit that I was so naieve before this whole experience. I didn't know that NICU exsisted....I didn't know that a baby could be born so early....weighing only 1 pound and survive and be okay. I'm so grateful for medical technology and for how much can be done to save baby's that were born too soon. I still sit and think sometimes about how much we're forcing baby Katea to do.....we're forcing her to breathe, when she shouldn't have to yet....we're forcing her to keep her temperature, when she shouldn't have to yet....we're forcing her to grow....and pretty soon we're going to be forcing her to learn to eat....suck,swallow and breathe all at the same time....when she shouldn't have to yet. All those things amaze me because she's doing them. All those things that she shouldn't even be doing yet, she's doing.....and she's amazing!

I'm thankful for my mom for always calling to check on me and for always coming to visit baby Katea. I'm grateful for my little sister Marie for taking time to come every week, a few times a week since I was admitted and since baby was born to come to the hospital to visit me and baby....I'm grateful for Tea for always being there for my kids, for watching them and taking care of them when I'm not at home...she does so much for me and I'm so grateful! I'm grateful for everyone who has reached out to me....it's funny when you're faced with situations like this, you learn who really cares. I'm grateful for good friends who have constantly been there for me and lifted me up....Dianna, Kassie...my blogging buddies.....other NICU moms....and so many more.

Even through it all, I know I am blessed.....and I am so thankful for His hands!

Graduated!

2011-11-27T19:22:00.001-07:00

This has been baby Katea's home for the past 2 months. A humidified incubator that had to be covered because bright light and loud noises were too much for her little eyes and ears...

But on Wednesday afternoon when we walked in her room to see her, we were so excited to see that she's all grown up....and a big girl! She graduated to an open crib! :)

She's still on the nasal IMV, but she was getting way too hot in the incubator, so they figured it was time to get her out of it. When she's too hot, it makes her heart rate skyrocket up in the 200's, which in turn affects her breathing and so it's all around a bad thing. Usually they just keep them in the incubator until either they're on a nasal canula, or they weigh 1800 grams. She hadn't quite reached either one of those goals yet, but it was time! The nurses were joking that she was the smallest baby they've ever seen in an open crib. haha...But that's just another example that she's the boss, and she'll do things when she wants and not when we want her too! The crib is about half the size of a regular crib, and she looks so tiny in it....but at the same time, she looks like such a big girl! This was a huge step and we're so proud of her! :) Besides moving to a big girl bed, another important 'first' happened on Wednesday. That was the first time her daddy held her! It was such a precious moment that I'm not gonna go into detail about it in this post....it deserves a post of it's own! :)

Daddy so happy to see me in my big girl bed

She's been doing so well with her respiratory status. They'd been able to wein her breaths like they'd planned, and she was tolerating it. They started out slow at first, because they didn't want to overwhelm her....but she was doing so awesome that they picked it up a bit. At first they were just taking 1 breath away every 12 hours....then they up'd it to three breaths a day, two during the day and one at night. She did so well with that that they started taking away 2 breaths every 12 hours. She was tolerating it so well, that the NNP and nurses were so impressed. They decided on Friday at their rounds to start taking away 3 breaths every 12 hours, starting that night.....and when she got down to 0 (meaning the machine wasn't giving her any breaths at all...she was doing all the work on her own) they would take her off the nasal IMV and move her to the high flow nasal canula. They also decided that since she'd been able to consistantly keep her Fi02 under 30% for the past couple days, they would drop her PEEP(pressure) by 1. A PEEP of 5 is the lowest they go, and they went from a 7 to a 6. She was doing amazing and we all (me, Ova, the nurses and NNP's) were so proud of her! On Friday her rate (breaths the machine was giving her) was down to 15. Saturday morning, down to 12. If she would have continued with the plan, she would have been to a 0 by Monday morning.....which means she would have been able to go to the nasal canula by Monday night....but she had a little set back last night. :(

She hadn't had any ABD episodes at all since she was extubated....and it had already been 8 days! I was hoping that meant she was clear of them....that the awesome progress she had made meant she was good. But last night she started having ABD episodes....she had 3 within 10 minutes. I got scared all over again. I was holding her when she had them, and I noticed she wasn't coming out of it...I was rubbing her chest and patting her bum trying to get her to start breathing again. It wasn't working. Ova was sleeping in the chair right across from me and I tried so hard to get his attention, but he was just too tired, and wouldn't wake up....I was panicking so bad. The NNP was doing her rounds and she walked in the room in the middle of it. I was crying. She went straight to the machine and pushed a button to give her a few breaths....that helped and she finally came out of it. It only lasted like 30 seconds, but it scared me to death and felt like it lasted forever. The nurse came in and took her from me and put her back in her crib...where she continued to have a few more episodes. The NNP immediatly ordered a chest x-ray and blood work to be drawn to test a CBC and a Blood gas. She wanted to make sure baby's lungs weren't collapsing, and that she wasn't developing any infections....She also moved her rate back up to 15 breaths per minute and increased her PEEP from a 6 back up to a 7. All those steps forward.....and now steps back again. :( Rollercoaster. She finally stabilized and calmed down. I was trying so hard to fight my tears. My poor baby girl. The chest x-ray came back and the NNP said it didn't look bad...but she wanted to keep the rate increased to give her a little break. Maybe they had too much confidence in her and they were trying to wein her too fast. We didn't know. Her blood gases came back perfect again....and her CBC showed no signs of infection. Why all the sudden after she had been doing so good for so long, without showing any signs of distress.....why all the sudden now, is she back to having ABD episodes?

Ova and I sat by her bedside for a little bit after she had settled down.....then after she fell asleep, we left.

I kept thinking about her all night last night, wondering what was going on....hoping she was ok. I got here today around 4pm and she was sound asleep in her crib. The machine was set at 20 breaths. 5 more than what they went up to last night. When her nurse Stacey walked in, I asked what happened. She said that last night they had to go all the way back up to 25 breaths. She just kept having those episodes. Then, they asked the RT to come and do prong cares (clean out the prongs that were down her nose) and they found tons and tons of boogers, mucus....and one of the prongs were completely plugged up with a big booger. That was the reason she was having so many episodes.....she wasn't getting any oxygen at all through one side, because it was blocked. Stacey told me as soon as they cleaned the prongs and suctioned her out, she didn't have any more episodes and was stable.

She turned 2 months old yesterday too.....can you believe it? I can't believe two months have already passed.....thankfully, the time just flew right by! Because she hit 2 months, she had to get her 2 month shots (just because she's a preemie and super tiny doesn't exempt her from getting her immunizations) They were giving her a total of 5, combining some of them she would only have to get 3 shots.....and they'd do it over 2 days just to give her little body a break. Yesterday she got 2 of her shots, and today she got the last one. The NNP and nurses were thinking that her episodes were a combination of all the boogers and the shots.....it was just a lot on her.

Today at rounds, because she did so much better after cleaning her prongs, they put in her chart that she needs to be cleaned every 6 hours instead of every 12....just because she's more boogery than most other babies. And the NNP told them to wein her breaths down 3 every 3 hours at cares...until they get her to the 12 breaths she was at last night. Then they would reasses her and go from there.

She had an awesome day all day long! They weined her breaths throughout the day with every cares, and at her 8pm cares, she should have been back down to the 12 she was at yesterday. But around 6pm she had a couple more episodes :( the RT came in and suctioned A LOT of boogers out of her....they're thinking that and her other immunizations she got today is causing it again. So they're gonna hold where they're at right now instead of continuing to wein......give her a day to recover from the shots. Tomorrow they'll talk about how she did tonight and decide what to do to continue. Aaarruugghh.....2 steps forward, 1 step back! She's still making progress though, and I'm so proud of her!

Since they've been fortifying her milk to 27 calories....and adding the protein, she's been gaining weight like crazy! On Thursday she weighed 1680 grams.....Friday she was 1700 grams.....yesterday (Saturday) she jumped to 1790 grams....that equals 3lbs. 15 1/2 oz!! Only 1/2 oz. more and she'll be 4 pounds! Can't believe it! At her cares tonight, since it's Sunday we'll get to see how much her head has grown and how long she is....and I'm sure she'll break the 4 pound mark! Good job baby....grow, grow, grow!

Busy Days...Lots of Changes!

2011-11-23T00:53:00.003-07:00

The past couple days have been super busy days for my little baby girl. She's been doing so well....so so well....so much better than last week! Last week I was a wreck, I felt so emotionally drained and exhausted and I didn't think I'd be able to handle one more bit of bad news. My heart hurt so bad when I would see my poor baby Katea struggling. I needed a break from everything for a little while so I asked Ova if me and the kids could drop him off at work that night and go and sleep at my parent's house. Then we'd pick him up when he got off work in the morning. When we got to my parent's house, it was like 11pm and all the lights were off. At our house we're night owls, so 11pm is still so early....but it looked like everyone was sleeping at my parents house. I texted my little sister Leka to let her know we were coming, so she was waiting up for us. My dad was actually still awake, reading his scriptures, and when he heard us come in, he came downstairs and hung out with us in Leka's room for a couple hours. We were just talking and my Dad was playing and wrestling with my kids. It was just the break I needed. We started talking about baby Katea and I just started crying. I was telling my Dad how sad I was and how she was not doing good that week. Honestly, I was expecting him to tell me to have more faith, or pray more....but he didn't. He hugged me and told me that everything would be ok...that the Lord knows her, that he will answer our prayers and that he knows the many times that he, my mom, and other people have put her name in the temple. And he kept mentioning that she's already a miracle just for being alive.

That Sunday while I was on my way to the hospital to spend time with my baby girl, I got a call from my Dad. He was already there waiting for me. He had come all the way from Provo with one of his counselors to give baby Katea a blessing. It was a beautiful blessing, short and sweet. Blessed her with the strength to keep fighting and blessed her little body to function properly. I cried. It was like 4pm and he had a priesthood meeting in Provo at 6pm so they had to rush to leave....he hugged me, told me he loved me, told me that she would be ok....and then he left. Being that he's a stake president, and Sunday's are his most busy days, I really appreciate him taking the time to come up and bless her. I don't think he knows how much that helped me, and her. Since her blessing, she's been doing amazingly well. She's been improving everyday and I know and see the Lord's hands in all her progress.

I got to hold her Sunday night. She did so good while I was holding her that they actually let me hold her for 3 hours. I loved it! She loved it! That was the longest I've ever got to hold her before......so happy that she can tolerate it now!

Yesterday (Monday) when I got to the hospital, I uncovered and opened her incubator to put my hands on her and I noticed she was wearing clothes. That was the first time she'd ever worn clothes before....she's usually just been in a diaper so the nurses could see her chest and make sure she's breathing. The nurse LeeAnn told me that she'd been getting too hot, so they were able to turn her incubator off and she's just on room air temperature. That's so awesome and such a huge step because that means she's now able to hold her temperature on her own....and when her respiratory status is more stable, she can graduate to an open crib! They set the temperature in the incubators pretty high and humid because babies who were born too early don't know how to regulate their temperatures yet, so the humidified environment keeps them warm and they don't need to wear clothes....now my baby girl has grown enough not to need the humidifier, just room air and clothes! Yay!

Her first little outfit

Her eye exam was scheduled for this Wednesday, but since it's a holiday week.....the optimologist was trying to finish all his eye-exams on Monday. They came in, dialated and numbed her eyes and conducted the test....they did it during shift change, when the NICU was closed, so I didn't get to see it.....the results were in and showed that her eyes are at a zone 2...almost zone 3 (zone 3 is fully developed) and she was at a stage 1. Last eye exam she was at a stage 0, which is the best....stage 1 means she is starting to develop and has mild ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity) They told me not to worry about it, that it was very mild which could mean anywhere from absolutely nothing, to she might have to wear glasses when she's older. I'm not too worried about it. The longer babies are on oxygen, and the higher percentage of oxygen they're getting is what causes ROP....but since she's finally off the ventilator and her oxygen needs aren't as severe as they were just a couple days ago, I'm not too worried.

Puffy eyes from the eye-exam

Today was a special day too, because I got to give her her very first swaddle bath. I was so excited, and had been looking forward to it all day long! I was so glad that my little sister Marie came with her husband to visit that night, because they were able to take pictures of her first bath for me. She loved the bath! I was nervous because she's still so small, but she loved it! Now we'll get to bath her once a week! To keep her warm in the swaddle bath, we wrapped her in a fleece blanket and dipped her and the fleece blanket in the water. We unwrapped just one body part at a time to wash it and then wrapped it back up right after so she would stay warm. I really can't believe how calm she was...she looked so relaxed....like I said, she loved it!

Knocked out after a nice warm bath

Aunty Marie combed my hair for me

Snuggled up after my bath, with my fuzzy hair and puffy eyes

Today (Tuesday) she had another excellent day. Since she's gone 3 days off the vent without any ABD episodes, they decided to start weaning her rate again....very slowly. When they took her off the vent, they changed the settings to give her 30 breaths again....just since she was getting so much less support than she was when she was on the vent, they went back up to 30. Their plan is to take one breath away every 12 hours....hoping that they move slow enough for her to tolerate it. Today she's down to 27 breaths and she's doing great! When they are able to get down to 10 breaths a minute and she's tolerating it, that's when they'll take her off the nasal IMV and put her on a high flow nasal canula. That's our next big step to take....because once she's on the nasal canula, that's when she'll get to start to try and eat from a bottle or from the breast instead of having her food pumped into her stomach. Can't wait for that day! She's been getting better on her Fi02 as well. Sunday she hung out at around 44%, Monday she was down to about 32-37%, and today she was sitting at 29%. That just shows that her body is kicking into gear and her lungs are working more and more requiring less and less oxygen. Slow and steady is making progress, and I'm so proud of how well she's doing!

The only other thing they've changed is that they stopped her soduim supplement she was getting because her labs came back high on sodium....that's great because it means her body is finally producing the right amount and she doesn't need to be getting any extra. They also up'd her feeding by one more ml. Now she's getting 28ml every 3 hours. She's gaining weight, but still not as much as they want her to, so they're fortifying her milk to 27 calories instead of just 24....and they're still adding the betaprotein to help her grow in length. On Sunday she measured 16 inches and weighed 3lbs.9oz......Monday she lost 40 grams and was back down to 3lbs.7 1/2oz. and today she was exactly the same...she didn't gain or lose. Hopefully the extra calories and protein will help her start growing and gaining weight a lot quicker now! The bigger she gets, the stronger her lungs become and the more developed her body and all her organs get.

Good job baby girl, you're amazing and I love you! :)

Preschool Thanksgiving Feast

2011-11-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

Filimone had his Thanksgiving Feast today at preschool. Each kid was assigned some type of finger food to bring and the teacher provided turkey and ham (the sandwich meat because you can only bring store bought stuff....school rule!) They sat around in a big circle and talked about why we have Thankgiving.....they learned about the reason for the feast.....they learned about the pilgrims and the Indians. They made little indian headbands and played some Thanksgiving games. After they were done eating and playing.....Mrs. Shannon sat them all down and gave them 3 paper feathers to put on their headbands. She told each kid that they had to name 3 things they were thankful for....and she would help them write it on their feathers....then they could stick it on their headbands. These were the three things my Filimone said he was thankful for today:

1- That his baby sister is still alive

2- For his mom and dad for always visiting his baby sister so she can get better and come home

3- He's thankful for himself

I was laughing at the 3rd thing he's thankful for....because that's just totally his personality....I can just see it....his teacher asked for the 3rd thing he's thankful for and he probably said "Me" with a duh sound in his voice. haha My little fatso Mone cracks me up!

I was grateful for the first two things he's thankful for. One of the things that makes me so happy and proud is to see how much love my boys have for their little sisters.....and I'm glad that he understands how important it is that we take time everyday to go and be with baby Katea!

After I picked Mone up from school, we headed over to pick Makai up from his school. When Makai got in the van, he looked at Mone's headband with the feathers and he started reading the things that Mrs. Shannon wrote....the things Mone was thankful for. Before he was able to finish reading them, Mone interrupted and put a little disclaimer out there.....he told him that he didn't get to tell his teacher that he's thankful for Makai or Lautala because he only got 3 feathers. But he told Makai if he had 5 feathers, he would be thankful for both of them.

So cute! I love my kids! :)

LOVE ZAGG!!!

2011-11-21T03:01:00.001-07:00

Have you heard all the hype? It's true! It's true! Zagg is hosting a contest where they're giving away iPad2's.....

Not just one iPad....not two either....they're giving away 24, yep you read right....twenty-four iPad2's in 24 hours. It's a Black Friday frenzy....giving one away every hour! :) I've never really won anything before....and I'm totally crossing my fingers that this time I'm gonna get lucky!!

Here's how the contest will work:
(Directions taken straight off the ZAGG website)

On Black Friday, November 25, 2011, starting at midnight (MST), we’ll be giving away an iPad 2 every hour. 24 iPad 2s over 24 hours. Each hour is a new opportunity to enter the giveaway. So yes, you need to go to the giveaway page each hour and enter.

Entering the giveaway will be simple. To enter, just submit your email address. For additional entries, you can share on Facebook and Twitter. A Facebook share is worth two additional entries and a Twitter share is worth one additional entry.

Bonus: To get an additional 24 entries, one additional entry per hour, you can blog about the iPad-an-hour giveaway. To qualify for this, you must write a blog post explaining the giveaway to your readers and include a clickable link to the giveaway page (Here is the giveaway page’s URL: http://www.zagg.com/community/contest.php). Once you have published your post, send a text message to 801-477-7178 with your blog URL, the email address that you will use to enter the giveaway (standard messaging rates apply), and your first and last name. Once your blog post is approved, we will text you back verifying that you will get a bonus entry each hour over the 24 hours. Please do not call this number as it will not be monitored and will only be used to receive text messages about the giveaway. You have until November 21st to submit your blog post.

How awesome is ZAGG.....totally awesome!! LOVE them!!

Good luck to me! I hope I win! :)

Makai Grandkid #17

2011-11-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

My little brother Misi is officially a daddy! I'm so excited for him....even though I still feel like he's a little kid...hahaha

I got the call on the night of the 19th that they were on their way to the hospital because Pola's water broke. I was so excited! I anxiously waited for the call to tell me how much he was going to weigh....but the call never came that night...

The next morning at 10am, I got a text from Misi saying that she was at a 9 and that baby would be here soon! My mom was heading up to the hospital to see him and I asked her to stop and pick me up first. We got there about 20 minutes after she delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy....the first Makai grandchild that can carry on our family name! :)

They named him Semisi Folau Makai....but we're gonna call him Folau! He's so handsome and perfect! He weighed 6lbs.9oz. and was 19 1/2 inches long. He has lots of long black curly hair and super fair skin. Can't really tell who he looks like yet, but he's so cute!

I love that they named him after my dad! Now my dad has 3 grandkids named after him.....my son is the oldest.....Semisi Folau Makai Fangupo....but we call him Makai. Marie's is next Semisi Folau Makai Kinikini....and we call him Misi. And now Misi has one that we will call Folau ....and the Makai name will live on! We told them they needed to have a lot of boys because Misi is our only chance of continuing the Makai name! hahaha no pressure! :)

I'm beyond excited for him! It's crazy to see how time has flown right by...and to see my little baby brother grow up....and be a daddy. I know he'll do a great job, and if he's ever overwhelmed, he's got 3 sisters with lots of kids that can help him out!

C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S Misi and Pola....he's beautiful and we love you guys!

Proud Mama

Just for fun!

2011-11-21T01:33:00.032-07:00

My mom says these are my big, black "Puss in boots" eyes....haha

My daddy's wedding ring fits me like a bracelet

One of my primary nurses, Anjanette, croched these adorable things just for me! She's so talented and I LOVE them!

My owl beenie

And my oh, so cute little shoes.....they're a little big for my feet right now, but I'll grow into them before I even know it!

It's fun to play dress up! :)

Who's the boss?

2011-11-19T22:41:00.000-07:00

So baby Katea has been doing amazing for the past couple days. The RT's have been able to wein her rate quite a bit and she's been tolerating it pretty well! They got the title volume to the lowest it could, and so they switched the way they were ventilating her back to the SIMV, which is where it gives her breaths. She was down to 23 breaths and doing so good....the plan was to lower it by one more breath every 6 hours until they got down to 15 breaths a minutes...then they were going to leave her there for a little bit to make sure she could tolerate it and then they would extubate her again.

Friday morning she was down to 18 breaths and if they would have continued with their plan, she would have be at 15 that day. The NNP called me to let me know that baby was doing awesome and that they were so happy with her progress....they could tell her lungs are working more on their own and she's breathing more often. She was letting us know that they were going to extubate her on Saturday. Ova and I had already planned to be at the hospital all day on Saturday, so it was perfect because we would be there when they take her off the vent.

She had a different plan though....afterall, she's the boss!

When the NNP called me on Friday, Ova and I were actually getting ready to head out the door to go to the hospital.....when we got to the hospital, I saw Natalie at the door (the nurse who helped me give her a sponge bath) She told me that baby Katea had a surprise for me. I said, "I love surprises"...but as I was walking down the hall to go to my daughter's room, I double thought that statement I made. When we got to her room, her nurse and the RT were standing by her bedside.....we walked up and looked at her and sure enough....the surprise was that she was on the nasal IMV! She had managed, again, to pull her tube out of her throat....but instead of putting it back down again, since they were planning on taking it out the next day anyway, they went ahead and put her on the nasal IMV. It was a good thing, but I was so nervous....I just really want her to be ready....I would hate for her to have to go back on the ventilator again.

She was visibly irritated.....just from all the stress....but she was stable and doing good! She had blood running down her face, puddled on her pillow from her nose. For some reason this time, the prongs really irritated her nose and both nostrils were bleeding pretty badly. She also had a lot of mucus in her nose and in her mouth.....when she's on the vent, if she gets too much mucus in her chest, they push a tube down her throat to suction all the gunk. Since she doesn't have anything down in her chest anymore, she has to figure out how to get all the gunk out on her own. She coughs it up, but it just sits in her mouth and nose....so we have to do oral cares often to make sure to keep her mouth and nose cleaned out.

The RT (Gorgi) told me she had a surprise for me. I asked what it was and she left the room for a little bit. She came back in and gave me this picture! She snapped it when there were no tubes or wires in her mouth. I LOVE this picture. She looks so different without all the tape on her face. Such chubby cheeks....I think the 2 lbs she's gained since she's been born went right to her cheeks.....hahaha!

(please excuse the quality....this is a picture of a picture!)

Today is Saturday and she's been doing awesome off the vent! What I was most scared about was her having those ABD (Apnea Bradicardic Desaturations)....but thankfully she hasn't had any at all....not one! That was since she was extubated on Friday at 5pm. I'm so thankful for that, and I hope and pray it stays that way so she can just work on her getting better and stronger at breathing on her own. She is amazing!

They haven't really changed anything else with her, they're kinda just letting her rest and get used to being off the ventilator. Her blood gases look great....so she's still doing what she needs to be doing. They have her second eye exam scheduled for this coming Wednesday. She's up to 27ml of breastmilk every 3 hours, still fortified to 24 calories with protein. She's gaining weight and growing which is exactly what we want her to be doing. Tonight at her cares she was up to 1600 grams....that equals 3lbs. 8 1/2oz. That's my girl! :)

F*A*N*G*U*P*O